Due Sept/Oct/Nov 2016

[BunnyGirl19]

DH inherited a family business from him, has owned it solely for 6 years, and has made it far more successful than FIL ever did. Even so, FIL pops in regularly at one of the stores trying to butt in to know what's going on with it, telling DH all the ways he is doing it wrong, etc. If DH is out of town on business FIL goes in and rearranges the store and yells at all the employees, threatens to fire them, etc. It's nuts! He calls DH multiple times a day and then freaks out if he's ignored. It's really too much and I don't doubt it's why DH has high BP. He butts into our marriage in the same way. We try to limit him as much as possible, but he's like an infestation. He keeps coming back. The only time we have any peace is when he goes on a trip out of the country. Otherwise, he's a nightmare. He's a textbook narcissist and control freak and he hates that I stand up to him, which he then takes out on DH. We're looking into marriage counseling for everything, but I doubt it will happen any time soon. DH has been dragging his feet over it and being noncommittal to picking a therapist and actually scheduling.

[BunnyGirl19]

If not for FIL, DH and I have minimal issues in our marriage and it's usually minir things like him not calling to tell me he's running late for dinner because of store errands or giving really short notice of meetings, events, trips, etc., that require me to change my scheduling around. Basically things that are more irritating than an actual issue.

[lala22]

Ugh..move to another state?! Lol. What a lame issue to be dealing with! Try to stand united over it and make it bring you closer together rather than draw you further apart though..easier said than done.

[LoveRR]

Just saw your post loverr---what devastation..so sorry!

Thank u lala. Just sad

[LoveRR]

I'm so sorry sweetie. (((HUGS))) Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Fighting it will only make things worse for you.

As for your question... everyone's experience is different but here is mine.

D&C- My first D&C was very hard on my body... and my heart, of course. I went to the hospital, to same day surgery. I was hooked up to an IV and prepped for the procedure. Then I was wheeled into the recovery area and, when the OB was ready for me I was sedated. The next thing I knew I was in recovery post-op. Still in an anesthesia haze, at first I forgot why I was there until a nurse said that everything went great and something about getting everything out and it hit me like a bag of bricks and I started bawling and asked if I could see my baby. I was told there was not really anything to see, just bits of tissue. I cried even harder. Once I was fully awake I was taken back to same day surgery and then released. Afterward, I felt really raw inside as if I could actually feel where he had scraped my insides out. It took me about 3 months to heal completely and the 3 AFs following were absolutely horrible... I felt like I had been re-D&C'd every month, though the initial pain from the D&C got better after about a week or two. Do yourself a favor and if your doc doesn't volunteer a prescription pain killer, ask for one. You may not need it but if you are like me you'll definitely need something because tylenol didn't cut it.

My natural loss wasn't completely natural. I'd had a D&C about 3 weeks prior (that one was much easier on my body) but the OB had missed our bean. It was believe baby was ectopic, and nothing but an "abnormal sac of fluid" was seen inutero on ultrasound so I am guessing he just did a quick once over and ended up missing bean. After, we learned that baby was inutero and had a faint HB but a shot I was given in the hospital to terminate pregnancy (since they couldn't find the baby during surgery) ended the pregnancy after about a week and a half. Another week and a half'ish later I was at school (college) and I'd been cramping all day, but I have IBS and just figured my tummy was messed up. It kept getting worse so I took a pain killer and kept going to class. My last class of the day I was soooo uncomfortable. It hurt to sit or stand. Then the professor asked me to pass something out and (this is gross... sorry) I stood up and felt this jelly like substance tumbled out of me so I finished passing everything out as quickly as possible and made a b-line for the restroom thinking that I had just passed the baby. Turned out to just be the biggest clot I'd ever seen in my life (baseball sized or close to it) so I cleaned up and went back to class. At that point all heck broke loose and the pain intensified. Fortunately, at that point class was nearly over so I bit my lip and made it until the end and then walked as quickly as the pain would let me to get to my car. I had a 30 minute drive to get home and I knew I had to get home before it got any worse because I could barely focus as it was. I thought about calling my best friend (she helps my stay focused on the road when pain from my tummy issues made it difficult to focus as she has them too and knows what it's like) but the pain had me to a point that it was all I could do to put the car in cruise control and focus on staying in my lane. I finally got home and had to feed the kids so I made the quickest, most rudimentary dinner possible all the while curled up in agony. My mother in law had lost a baby and was there as she was my sitter so I turned to her in near tears to ask her if this is what it felt like when she lost her baby and she said "No!" so I was so confused and didn't know why I was hurting so bad which made the pain even more unbearable. I just kept assuming it was my tummy issues so I refused to go to the ER because A: if it was my tummy issues there was nothing but pain killers they could do for me and I had pills at home B: If I was losing the baby, I knew they would toss him/her in a biohazard bag and throw the bag away, and that wasn't happening and C: I was not very happy with the ER anyway as it was them that said baby was ectopic which I now knew was not the case. Finally, DH got home from work, admittedly only about 10 mins after I did but it felt soooooo much longer, so he finished up dinner so I could finally go take the strongest pain killer I had (it usually knocks me out) but it did nothing. All night I struggled to get relief with pain killer combos, heating pad... I even got in a hot, hot tub. The tub helped between what I now know were contractions but at the time I just thought of them as waves of pain. Due to my pain killer cocktail I would fall asleep between them... in the tub. Finally, scared that I'd fall asleep and drown, I got out and laid back down and added benadryl to my cocktail because it knocks me out too and I was finally able to get some sleep, not great sleep but better than nothing. At 6 am I woke up and got up to get my kids off to school. The moment I stood up I felt the jelly sensation again with a gush of blood this time so I carefully made my way to the bathroom. It was immediately obvious that it was my bean as I could see the sac and placenta. The pain was completely gone at this point and I was both thankful it was over and falling apart because I was holding my baby. I cleaned up and went to get a zip lock bag to keep him/her safe, then started getting my kids up as life must go on I don't think my experience is typical though, and yours may be easier. Only time will tell.

Again, I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Some ppl are able to "catch" bean like I did, some aren't. But you may want to consider how you wish to proceed if you do catch your bean. Do you want to give a peaceful burial in a house plant for example. There is no right or wrong thing to do. Just listen to your heart, it knows what you need for closure. (((HUGS)))

Your story sounds painful sorry u had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your experience, how long did u wait before you got pregnant again? What did u do for your girl sway?

[LoveRR]

I'm so sorry for you loss

My first mc was a blighted ovum and I opted for the d&c as I just wanted it over with. Physically it was all really easy and I recovered very quickly. I bleed less than a normal period and just spotted for a while. Emotionally it was my hardest as it was the first loss.

My 2nd one the baby wasn't growing and I decided to let it happen naturally as I had some concerns about rushing into the d&c the last time. It started with some light bleeding about two days before and then I started getting some cramps and about 2 hours later the bleeding started. There was lots of clots and blood and I was basically sitting on the toilet the whole time. I was losing more blood than normal. I passed out and ended up going to the hospital (via ambulance) so if you feel light headed or start feeling cold then you may be loosing too much. I think I was basically filling up a pad in less then 30 mins. I ended up with two blood transfusions and then had a d&c, it was quite traumatic so don't be silly like me and not pay attention to blood loss.

3rd time I did medical management at the hospital and was closely monitored for blood loss. I had a much more "normal" amount of blood loss and was able to spend more time off the toilet then on it. It was a lot slower than the previous and was 12 hours start to finish and I expect this is more like what natural miscarriages are normally like.

I hope everything goes ok and I didn't scare you with my story, I don't think it is common but it is good to be aware of what can happen. I'm so sorry you even have to go through this. Please take care and give yourself as much time as you need to grieve.

Thank you

[Bella29]

So sorry loverr.

I'll post a 22 week update this week. I feel huge, but it's more that my belly feels much heavier than it should for size, like a similarly sized pile of bricks versus pillows.

We had DS1's birthday party on Sunday and FIL showed up uninvited, refused to leave. I ended up having to miss my own child's birthday because of it. I can't handle the stress of being near him and all the crap he starts. If I would have stayed I'm sure things would have escalated to the point of me ending up in jail. And I'm so angry that DH can't or won't put him in his place and kick him out. FIL has been nothing but trouble for our relationship. I can't sit back and tolerate his abuse and DH can't deal with the conflict so he runs off and stays out all night drinking to avoid everything, or goes to one of his stores to sleep and be alone. It's getting ridiculous. He tells me he's not happy with things, but his inability to stand up to his dad is seriously ruining our marriage and FIL just keeps getting worse over the years. If I thought I had any hope of being able to support myself and 6 young kids by myself, not to mention all the day to day stuff like childcare and appointments, I'd leave. There's only so much I can take, especially when I don't feel like I've got any support or help with the issue.

Oh bunnygirl, I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds crap. Your dh needs to grow some balls by the sounds of it. Hugs to you. You shouldn't have to miss your own little boys birthday. How horrible. Have you told your dh you are considering leaving? Because I find men are always so surprised when a woman leaves. They never realise just how serious it is until it is too late.

LoveRR, I'm so sorry for your loss. Go gently.


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[twointow83]

Your story sounds painful sorry u had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your experience, how long did u wait before you got pregnant again? What did u do for your girl sway?

After the D&C I waited one cycle. After my most recent loss I had to wait 3 but that was because of the shot they gave me. It lingers in the liver and can hurt a pregnancy if I got preg too soon.

🙏 for a healthy 🌈 🚼 We're having a girl! 🎀👗
TwoInTow83 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com

[lala22]

Oh bunnygirl, I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds crap. Your dh needs to grow some balls by the sounds of it. Hugs to you. You shouldn't have to miss your own little boys birthday. How horrible. Have you told your dh you are considering leaving? Because I find men are always so surprised when a woman leaves. They never realise just how serious it is until it is too late.

LoveRR, I'm so sorry for your loss. Go gently.


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I agree bella. I left my husband when our oldest was 2 for about a year and it was eye opening for him. It changed everything for us and in a positive way.

[BunnyGirl19]

I have, but I'm pretty sure he realizes I can't actually follow through at this point. I have no income and I don't have a vehicle to hold all the kids. The best I can do is move out of our bedroom and be like a roommate right now. If I only had one kid and a job still I would have left until he could fix his part in the issues. He always acts shocked when I tell him something upsets me or makes me angry, like the thought never occurred to him.