Dealing with jealousy

[Wantanother2017]

Tonight I'm feeling really low after seeing my SIL post pics of her little girl who just turned one. (I have unfollowed her on FB, but can't seem to figure out a way to unfollow her on anything else without just deleting her and then dealing with the aftermath when she realizes that I've deleted her off all of my social media.)
I just feel so overwhelmed with jealousy and sadness washes over me for at least a day after seeing certain posts. Of course the reality that I can't discuss this with my husband further compounds the problem and it just festers. I want to feel happy for others, I really do. Even my best friend who has a girl and constantly brags that she is now done having kids and makes comments like "your on your own with the next one! We won't be pregnant together again, good luck with all that!" type comments. I just want to scream. (FYI my best friend doesn't even know about my extreme GD with my son and the aftermath of emotions that continue.) I always knew I wanted more than just 1 child but the reality that I only have 1 shot left at having a daughter is a huge weight on me and those comments are very off-putting to me.

Just seeing all the pics in the adorable dresses and on the posts of the local father and daughter dance that was tonight makes my heart hurt. I want a daughter so badly I can't even speak the word to anyone without choking up. I really think I need to find a local counselor to talk to, but in the meantime, thanks for listening lovely ladies who can actually relate.

BTW, if anyone wants to REALLY commiserate with me listen to this song one of my favorite song writers recently wrote titled "Father Daughter Dance" by JJ Heller.
Because I literally CAN'T. I sob. But the story is beautiful. However, it is a total trigger for me to wallow in the land of "I want to give my daughter everything and I don't know if I will ever get the chance!" So enjoy it for me instead. Thanks for allowing a place for us ladies to be so vulnerable. Heres the youtube link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtoNPPyFEOA

[Wantanother2017]

For some reason that link wouldn't play when I tried on my phone. So this one might instead. [emoji175]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iM7IsuLff1M



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[2ODellboys]

I know exactly how you feel [emoji173]️ I have only one more chance to have a daughter and am feeling the pressure big time! My best friend is also just pregnant (6weeks) and I just know it will be a little girl. There is a running joke in the family (she married by husbands cousin) that she'll have twin girls [emoji24] I can't talk to my husband either as he gets cranky and says I am just being ungrateful for my ability to have children and for the two beautiful boys I have. Fingers crossed x


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[Babygirlquest]

For me it reached a point where I left social media. I have four boys, four!, and watched as everyone else got a pigeon pair or the girl they were so hoping for. And I realised Facebook, Twitter, Instagram were such a huge trigger for gender disappointment. That in real life the twangs are few and far between but on Social media it was constant. I feel so much better being out of that toxic environment.

For me I need a guarantee for my next child so we are going high tech to try and guarantee a girl. I just didn't feel I could be pregnant again with the very likely possibility (in my case) that it would be another boy. I hope you are able to find peace. The jealousy is awful. I know how it feels to be envious, so so envious of something. Please consider limiting your use of social media, at least in the short term, it helps so much.

[Wantanother2017]

That's a very good idea. When I sit and reflect on the times I feel overwhelmed with GD it's often triggered by social media. I also need to stay away from the baby boutiques in town as well. The stores are 80% packed with adorable boys clothes and a tiny section of hideous boy things if your lucky. Just makes things worse.
I think I will try a break from all SM for a while....


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[Throwaway_panther]

I don't know if it helps, but know if you saw me with my (soon-to-be-here) baby girl, know that I was sitting in your shoes, hoping desperately for a boy and fearing that #2 will be a girl.

I feel the same insane jealousy over seeing moms post pictures with their sons, and feel so bitter that all of my SIL got sons for their firstborns (and my favorite SIL recently had a surprise pregnancy with their #3, due one month ahead of me -- she THOUGHT she was having a girl, and is having a boy... and said, "I hope you have a boy now!" What, our kids can't still be close because mine is a girl?!)

I also feel the same jealousy over seeing pigeon pairs -- seeing people seemingly have no problem getting one of each. Coming from a family of 3 girls in a generation of almost all girl families, I am too afraid that I'd be able to have a pigeon pair naturally (despite both my parents being from pigeon pairs).

You're not alone -- and doing what feels healthiest for you on social media is best. Just know that not everything you see on social media is the whole story!

[pink_bean]

I think social media can make us feel like everyone else's life is so happy, perfect and interesting. But most people are just putting out their best (or even fake) selves. It's hard to see someone so happy, living your dream when you are dealing with difficult feelings. I try to stay off it. I'm happier when I'm not comparing my life with others.

[bre_cooper11]

This is literally what I am dealing with today!! Girls in my DD2 FB due date group have just reconnected... well, 4 of them have recently conceived... 3 of them boys (my DG)!! The girl that found out today, has an IVF boy that is 9, an IVF girl that is 2, a surprise girl that is 9 months, and surprise baby (she is 16wks) they just found out is a boy. I am generally happy for her, she has had such a battle with fertility but it's still breaking my heart! Everyone is like, 'oh I knew it, how amazing for you!', 'I bet your husband is just thrilled'... 'Oh now you can be done, that's amazing', and (the comment that kills me) 'Now your son has brother!!). Honestly, I just really want to freaking know what they did!! What did you do differently?!! haha. (Shamefully, I have messaged a few ).

You are not alone! I am about to take a break from social media as well! I totally understand your feelings!! And I also understand knowing of that 'weight' because 5 kids is our absolute limit!! After 3 girls, DH has just now started to be supportive!! We plan to try again, we know we could welcome DD4, but people say such hurtful things just about having 4 or 5 kids... that I don't even know if I'd want to announce unless it was a boy! When we announced baby #4, I got a lot of congrats... and 'wow that's alot', or just 'Wow', and an 'oh my god' from my sister and her talking about how I just pop em out and my DH needs to get fixed.

Sending you hugs! It's so hard! Most people just don't understand <3

[pinkcomestrue]

Today I met an old friend who has a boy same age as mine, she is expecting again and we are due the same month again, she asked me, do you know what you are having, I said, another boy, scary but should be nice to give my boy a little brother, and I asked, and you? She goes, I'm having a girl, I was so nervous when finding out the gender, because I absolute want a girl! I instantly felt awkward with this conversation! In the deep of my mind I was feeling the same too but I had to say, oh, if you set your mind on having a girl, that's great, I'm very happy for you, I would love a girl too but also I would love to have another boy for my son so I was ok with either gender! Thats bullocks, of course that's not what I have in my mind!

I have a friend, her first one is a boy, then second pregnancy she hoped for a girl, bingo, third pregnancy, she wanted a girl for her older girl, bingo, fourth one, she thought, would be nice to give the oldest one a brother too, BINGO!

Me, first one wanted a girl, I have a son( although I love him to pieces), second time I wish to have a girl, did the sway and all the silly old wives tales, here I am, another son!( I'm sure I'll love him to no matter what)

But I still feel jealous when I see families with boy and girl, although I kept telling myself that I'm very lucky with other things, I could conceive easily, I have a good job and I have a good husband, but the jealousy is still killing me everyday, and that's why I stopped Fb and Instagram, social media mostly for people to show off their happy lives, will they take pictures of themselves when they are upset!? I don't think so.. And I wish to have more time for my son and my husband instead of wishing to have more Likes on my pictures [emoji12]



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[amo]

Reading these posts is like reading my mind. Jealousy sucks. And what sucks more is when people tell you to just get over it and jealousy won't do you any good or be grateful for what you do have. Don't you just want to slap those people?! Like we're choosing to feel this way?! I mean, come on!!