Please Delete

[Kittybear]

I Hun, I just wanted to quickly add my perspective:

I was CONVINCED I was having my much wanted, longed for, swayed for daughter when I was preggo with #2; all the OWT said so. Well went for a private scan at 17 weeks (without telling anyon else) and there we saw, sure enough, the little turtle that said that my 'girl' was actually my boy. I felt like such a fool for thinking I could change anything and I had all the thoughts of 'how can I go through pregnancy/ labour/ nursing/ sleepless nights (etc. etc. etc) all for ANOTHER BOY?!' and I totally pulled back from my (really pretty good pregnancy).

Let's ff to the birth as I don't want to give anymore time unnecessarily to that GD b*tch.... His birth was very good - very healing for me actually as my first experience had been quite traumatic. My body showed me that, whatever my brain was busying worrying about, this body could do it... The love I felt for him didn't hit me like a truck (as was my experience with ds1) but was like when you find something you love and had lost but didn't realise you had lost it.... because it was there all along

I can see why he exists. He is SO bright, curious, determined - even if 99% of the sperm around his egg were girls he elbowed them all out of the way he was so certain he had to exist he is right for us and our family. He is completely different from ds1 and yet so similar.... It is fascinating to witness

This comes to the 2nd part of what I was going to say: I am an only child. I 'expected' I would repeat my experience and probably just end up with one girl myself (WRONG ) and I'm pleased for that as I would not recommend an only child experience in the main.... As a kid I'd ask if I was getting s brother or sister (as most do and most get) until it became obvs that it wasn't going to happen. I was t sad though as I had loads of friends. As a teen, I'm not going to lie, I LOVED it! I was spoiled rotten! Haha! However there was a little part of me that felt 'lonely' I guess. As I have gotten older, this part has grown. Unless you are an only child yourself, you cannot understand the feeling that you are missing a part of your history and shared experiences by not having a sibling (girl or boy). I definitely miss it now than at any other point in my life so far, hence why I was determined, GD or not, to give my son a sibling... And truly, they are so super cute together and to see the was ds2 idolises his big bro... My heart swells with love and pride just at the thought

Of course it is your decision. I can assure you though, as you have already found, GD is a pregnancy ruining ar$e h0le BUT the love you will feel for your CHILD is absolute (boy OR girl). If you are unfortunate to go through GD again the pregnancy is the worse bit. Mine is BAD and as another poster said, if I can get through it, you can too! (and you could have a dd next so not even have to go through this!)

No child is defined by their gender. Yes there are masculine and feminine traits, but let's be frank, even as male and female heterosexual humans, we are all actually a mishmash of these traits (I for one know I have some parts of my thinking and behaviour that I would say could be described as more masculine and I am 100% a girl )

Good luck with whatever you decide. There is no 'right and wrong'. We can only do our best with the info we have at hand. Xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

No not at all Complex, I'm sure I said something along the lines of "there may be something genetic involved in it" but I meant in terms of height or muscle or whatever. It just doesn't make sense that there would be boy genes, biologically speaking.

[atomic sagebrush]

I just want to reiterate what Kitty says - while I do have half-siblings that are 11 and 13 years younger, I was an only child all that time and I really, really do feel the lack of history and shared connection with a sibling, particularly on my dad's side since his daughter I never lived with and barely know at all. It is a strange experience to have no one you can compare notes with about things that happen. I also felt like my parents were overly invested and focused on everything I did or didn't/couldn't do, and I never had a moment of peace from them. Every expectation that parents have was put onto me. (I'm not saying you would do this of course) Good student, sports star, popular, cheerleader, etc etc etc everything was expected and it was too much for one child. They didn't do it deliberately, it was just a side effect of having only one, and being the first. Being an only wasn't good for me. But again, that was my experience and not a universal one.

[squigglepink]

I just want to reiterate what Kitty says - while I do have half-siblings that are 11 and 13 years younger, I was an only child all that time and I really, really do feel the lack of history and shared connection with a sibling, particularly on my dad's side since his daughter I never lived with and barely know at all. It is a strange experience to have no one you can compare notes with about things that happen. I also felt like my parents were overly invested and focused on everything I did or didn't/couldn't do, and I never had a moment of peace from them. Every expectation that parents have was put onto me. (I'm not saying you would do this of course) Good student, sports star, popular, cheerleader, etc etc etc everything was expected and it was too much for one child. They didn't do it deliberately, it was just a side effect of having only one, and being the first. Being an only wasn't good for me. But again, that was my experience and not a universal one.

This reminds me of a time many years ago, i went to Paris with a friend (only child). Day 4, walking in Paris, she kept walking behind me and didn't say much the whole day. I eventually asked her why she keeps walking behind me - she said she needed space! Lol! I dont think she was used to spending that much time with another person! (shared a bed for 10 days total).. She's amazing however and loved being an only child and we are still friends to this day. She had an incredible relationship with her late mom and her dad! She went on to have a son and then a daughter. Go figure!!

[skillet04]

I am glad my first son finally got a sibling....sure a half sibling when he turned 13! Yes a baby brother but being around lots of "wild" boys doesnt bother me...they usually play a ballgame or videogame and yes those "stuntman" antics can cause heart palpitations...praying for a sense of self preservation to be in them ....
My oldest for a few years would always have a friend or two around and i liked knowing he had that "surrogate" sibling interaction....
Them being 13 yrs apart seems like raising two only children...hubs and i are aging as well and knowing it took 13yrs for this body to ovulate and conceive, no guarantee that ds#2 will get a younger sibling(s)...we are not preventing but not holding our breathe either.
My sister and i are half sisters but only 2yrs apart so seems like whole

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[atomic sagebrush]

Complex, if you have a spare moment we have a new member who I feel is very much in the same place you are at. I think you guys may benefit from exchanging notes since you're both in identical places right now. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gend...tml#post830212

[atomic sagebrush]

I just want to clarify that my intention is not to cause hurt feelings for people with secondary infertility, I think there may be a very different mindset between people like my parents who choose to have only children because they think they'll be more impressive or something and then act like "Tiger Moms and Dads" with these sky high expectations that are too much for one child to fulfill. It just wasn't good for me and them and OUR dynamics, that's all.