TTC Blue Crew Grads

[3Pink1Blue]

Not trying to argue ladies but I gotta throw this out. You don't get PPD because you are upset, it is triggered by the pregnancy and depending on the severity must be treated with counseling and medication. If untreated it can escalate to suicide or worse, think Andrea Yates. Mild cases can be helped with diet and exercise.
What you may end up with, if anything, is the baby blues. It sets in within a few days of delivery and usually goes away within the first few weeks to months after delivery.

I've unfortunately had experience with both, neither is fun and there's nothing you can do to guarantee you won't get one. Even though I have a +90% chance of getting ppd again all I can do is meds and counseling. Good news is neither will affect your longterm bond with your baby. I wished dd2 was never born, I told dh we should put her up for adoption. Today i adore her and she has so no idea I had any trouble or doubts.

B- the secret and devastation are eating you alive because you're bearing it in silence. Find out with dh and work it through together, if you need more talk to a counselor before her birth.

[begonia]

Cheekymoo, oh honey, I obviously am right there with you, and sincerely hope that Nov 3rd proves you (and your doc) wrong. If it is DD3, I also really, really hope you can bear it better than I have. HUGS. Big ones. How is DH handling it, was he there too?

Jen, I think that you're right and PPD is definitely NOT an emotional reaction one can just control. I do think there can be extreme GD after the birth, unrelated to an actual, clinical definition of PPD. I think they're separate things. I had baby blues with DD1. Oddly, with DD2, I had what my friends joking called PPD, where the D was for delight. I was BEYOND happy for months. It really was ridiculous, and had to have a hormonal component because it was just euphoric. Oh how I pray for that to happen again. For me, and for you ... I genuinely hope that you don't experience PPD again. I can't imagine how awful that had to feel and thank goodness DD2 has no idea.

Re: me bearing my secret in silence I've actually been talking about it nonstop IRL to my bestie, LOL. It's no stretch for her to go along with me having DD3 (she doesn't know I had a scan) because as I mentioned on another thread, 15 of 17 families we know got DD3 after DD1+2. So she's full on heard just about everything I've laid out here, and she's been amazing about it. She has 2 boys and had a REALLY hard time with DS2, and we talked about that then, so it's not an unfamiliar topic. We were at the playground today despising the pigeon pairs together So, thankfully, I do have someone to talk to about IRL and it helps beyond measure. Also, I know I will feel MUCH better when we move (end of month) bc living in the cramped quarters is hard on all of us. I'm definitely impacted by my environment and I will breathe much easier in the new digs.

Skrimpy, thank you for the link! I remember you mentioning some of the things you were taking once on one of our threads. I'm bookmarking it for sure.

ELP, I agree ... if I could just fast forward about a year I think I'll be happy with my 3 ladies. I really, genuinely do. Which almost makes all of this harder, KWIM? I desperately want to enjoy this pregnancy and yet it's a daily fight. Today I'm having a pretty good day though.

Fourblessings THANK YOU for popping on and sharing that. I really can't say enough how much it helps to hear from others who have been through it and come out shining on the other side. I really, really appreciate you sharing.

I'm hoping that the scan 10/24 will help me bond with her more. Seeing her move, etc. I might schedule a 3d/4d scan for 30 weeks just to have another bit of time, me and her.

I am back to thinking I won't "find out" though 10/24 because I don't feel ready to tell other people. DH says it is up to me. Part of me really wants him to have his birth surprise that he's always wanted. I feel so selfish taking that away from him again, and since he thinks it's a girl anyway I don't think he'll be devastated or anything when she pops out. I think he'll absolutely cherish her birth all the more because he got the experience he's always wanted, and I really want him to have that gift, in some ways I think it will help me feel better about all of this to give that to him, at least, since I am not giving him a son. I was worried about DD1 hoping for a bro since she's such a tomboy, but she adores DD2 and has just settled that we're having DD3 in her mind ... I think in a weird way she just assumes we make girls, KWIM? Her kindy teacher has 3 girls, and most of our friends do have single-gender families, so in her 5 year old brain you either have a girl family or a boy family, LOL. And we have a girl one

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Thanks Spicy. I needed that. I need to keep reading it over and over again until I can get there. I have good days and bad days (well, good moments and bad moments, all in the same day usually) and right now I'm definitely having a bad moment, but reading that is REALLY helpful. So please do keep coming and posting positive things! I for one really, really appreciate it! I think it'd be a little easier if I felt like I had another chance or two. But this is it for us, and that's what keeps bringing me back down whenever I do manage to pick myself up.

Tink, congrats on your BFP and your good numbers! FX all continues to go well!

I'm sitting here crying and DD2 just came and wrapped her arms around me and said "Mama! I make you SO HAPPY!" LOL.

I can't decide if we should "find out" at the scan because I don't want to have to tell people it's DD3. It's a fact that no one is going to be nearly as excited for us as they would be if it was DS1. And I'm in a fragile state these days and not sure I can handle a single comment about "sorry it wasn't a boy" or what have you. On the other hand I hate all the comments now about "hope you got your boy in there" ... I just smile and say "oh, with 2 already it's probably DD3!" but inside I'm crushed.

Oh hunny! I have to repeat that mantra to myself everyday! I prayed for you last night too. I hope that you aren't offended by that. I am really sorry for the place that you are in- I would be there too for dd3. I do fear trying again because I swayed super duper hard too- ridiculous amounts of bacon, fat, salt, potatoes, tomato juice, etc. It was disgusting. I would be very careful to let anyone know about your GD IRL. I feel like if I did, they would constantly feel bad for me. I think that about others who express their preference, I always think about the comment they made about having ds2 (usually the case with boys, weird right?)... I don't want anyone to have pity on me for having only daughters, I want them to be convinced that having daughters is awesome!

If I felt like they pitied me, I might pity myself. I am daily fighting to convince myself that that ds I may never have is a mere mirage. He doesn't exist, was not part of God's plan for me, and therefore, how can I mourn a son (who in my mind will be successful, athletic, & smart like his daddy) who isn't there? It is like some sort of matrix other world.

You will be happy. We will all be happy. We are all amazing women who want ds's and it looks like we are all getting girls this round (except 3P1B- congrats, and you have experienced what we have too!). We aren't failures. We didn't 'fail' at getting our sons, we have given life to a dd. period. Swaying is at best 60%- the odds weren't really that great anyway.

Its hard, but at some point, we will all have to move on and stop comparing ourselves to pp or mixed gender families. If I were you, I wouldn't find out at the scan. People are less likely to say something at birth than now. And it is for the same reason we have a harder time adjusting to the news during pg and at birth. The real life baby, this special human being, isn't sitting in front of us. So, I would just keep it a secret until birth.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

B- the secret and devastation are eating you alive because you're bearing it in silence. Find out with dh and work it through together, if you need more talk to a counselor before her birth.

I think I might agree with this too. I just couldn't imagine going through this anguish without dh. He sounds really supportive. I know your bf is helpful, but she isn't there when you are crying in the middle of the night.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

I have a quick question....

Once you guys conceived, did you slow down the eating? Eat differently?

Just curious to see what others are doing.

I tried to follow a more TW approach, but then nausea hit at 6 weeks and I could barely eat. I did tell myself if I miscarried, I would sit out 2 cycles to get back on the diet, but thankfully, I am at 13+ weeks now, so all should be OK.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Just a quick one from me- It is looking more and more like i was right Doctor had a guess at my scan yesterday - cord was in the way a bit but he said he thinks it's a girl as he saw 3 lines thing! I was very good and waited till i got home to cry..I know it's still not 100% but really it's just confirming what my heart already knew.....Nov 3rd is my scan date when i will get it confirmed.

Sorry Cheeky! I was really hoping that your ambiguous nub picture would surprise us! Mine was way more girly than yours, so not holding out hope (I don't have a still pic, just saw it from the live scan).

[3Pink1Blue]

B- I don't doubt you may suffer from some gd but I honestly think you'll get over it fast. It's so hard to not love that little face. I honestly think some real counseling could help you a lot. You're dealing with a genuine loss here and getting some professional advice could really help your post birth experience. Ita with spicy, a BFF is no dh

Awe Cheeky, congrats on another little lady

[begonia]

Spicy I totally welcome the prayers. It's one of the reasons I have shared as much as I have with my BFF. I know she's covering me in it, and I genuinely can say this afternoon and evening have been some really, really, REALLY good times for me. It's funny I was just posting on the other thread in the swayed for boy section almost exactly what you said ... the son of my imagination wasn't ever REAL. And if I keep living on wishes I'm going to miss all the awesome that is RIGHT HERE in my very REAL life.

Jen I do think I'll be good when she arrives, but I do have a therapist I can call in the event I need it. And I may do that if I don't have more consistently good days in this pregnancy. She helped me a ton with my "mom issues" which are no doubt linked to some of my "daughter" issues so I know she would be a good resource.

Re: the DH I actually haven't been going through it without him. The night after I had the us I woke up bawling my eyes out at 5 am. He's heard pretty much everything you guys have here, with the only exception being he doesn't know for sure it's a girl. But he believes it so much in his heart that he's been completely supportive in having talks with me as though it is a girl. I can honestly say not once has he said something like "why are you so upset? it could still be a boy!" He just knows it too. So weirdly, although he doesn't "know" ... he knows, and he's been there for me. He sees me in my bad moments these past few weeks and knows exactly why I'm in them.

I will say a huge part of this - and something he brought up - is my kids are my world. He has a full-time, very demanding job. He doesn't have the luxury of devoting so much of his time to worrying about having a boy or a girl. He worries about providing for that boy or girl. He worries about keeping the people who work for him employed so they can care for their boys and girls. He just doesn't care too much if WE have a boy or a girl. He told me last night as long as he has at least one daughter who plays golf with him for the rest of his life, he's a happy man. Not that he wouldn't love a son, but as he so honestly put it, he just doesn't think that's what God planned for him, so he's not going to get upset about it.

And ... he doesn't have pregnancy hormones. Lucky bastard

WP ... I tried to eat well but couldn't at all. Lots of chips, lots of coca-cola. It wasn't healthy. I'm still not quite at a "healthy" diet for pregnancy to be honest but I'm trying to work some veggies in my daily intake.

[ELP]

I will say a huge part of this - and something he brought up - is my kids are my world. He has a full-time, very demanding job. He doesn't have the luxury of devoting so much of his time to worrying about having a boy or a girl. He worries about providing for that boy or girl. He worries about keeping the people who work for him employed so they can care for their boys and girls. He just doesn't care too much if WE have a boy or a girl. He told me last night as long as he has at least one daughter who plays golf with him for the rest of his life, he's a happy man. Not that he wouldn't love a son, but as he so honestly put it, he just doesn't think that's what God planned for him, so he's not going to get upset about it.

And ... he doesn't have pregnancy hormones. Lucky bastard

Oh B!!! This has filled me eyes! What a 'flamin good bloke!' as we'd put it in the UK lol! I strongly believe he truly means this aswell, thinking about others families instead of the usual only thinking of No1, double to Mr B!

He's also got me thinking ahead 20 years when we're watching you all on the 'Masters' with the new 'Venus' sisters!!!! Aren't they a family of 5/6 girls???

[begonia]

LOL about the Venus sisters! DH is always saying there's more money in college golf/soccer/basketball scholarships for women anyhow, so it's best to breed female champions And he couldn't be more thrilled that DD2 is a lefty like himself. I really do see so much of him in my girls; it's pretty fun. I was all wrapped up in not being able to pass on his last name but really, if that was the most important thing he had to pass on, it'd be pretty sad.

I woke up this morning still feeling great and that's the first time in 2 weeks that has happened, so FX I'm turning a corner. Not expecting it'll be all easy peasy for the next months ahead, but you know what? I saw a mom this am dropping her DD off at school, and she had a younger DD, and then a baby boy on her shoulder. And instead of thinking "that should have been me" I thought "that's her family. THIS is mine." And I was happy with it. It was raining out and DD2 was wearing her batman rainboots wearing her beloved snake print pajamas and splashing in all the puddles, and I thought to myself that yes, a boy would be different. It would. I can't deny there are differences in raising both genders. But it couldn't possibly be BETTER. What I have is precious and I wouldn't trade it. Girl is just a part of who this next person is; it isn't ALL she is. When I heard DD1 was a girl I never would have thought she'd be 5 and saying her favorite color is camo, LOL. So as for DD3, well I can't wait to see her personality

Anyhow thanks again to all of y'all for bearing with me through all of this. Like I said I'm sure I can't be over it yet but it's so nice to wake up happy that I'm going to take that as a good sign and hope I can stay focused on what matters