I feel defective.

[Shannshaff]

So why is it that I can only have boys? I have done so many different things and still I only have boys. Ugh. And when we finally did get blessed with girls, we lost them I feel like every miscarriage we have had has been a girl and that I have something wrong with me that I am passing on that makes these little girls leave us. I know that is crazy to think about, but it is how I feel. Being pregnant does not help this emotional state at all. I know. But hoping that if I get it out here, I can move on and be happy with my boys. I love them so much. They are all wonderful, but I would have loved to experience what a girl would have been like. No matter the personality, just to see what a girl was like. But I know deep down in my heart, I have to let go. I can not go through another pregnancy. I am 41 and 5 kids is pretty much our limit on kids as it is. I guess I will just have to dream of wonderful Daughters-in Law and beautiful grandbabies.

[kittendreams]

I am so sorry you are feeling this Shann but please know you are not defective in any way; sometimes things are never meant to be and its not fair and there is no rhyme or reason to it and that's what makes it so much harder to understand.
I am so very sad to hear that you lost your girls I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through.
Please know that you are an amazing woman and mother who has brought 5 beautiful children into this world and grieved for the two that she lost in a way no mother should ever have to and there is nothing defective about that!

[Pritchett511]

Your are not alone in the way you feel. I have two sons and just found out we are expecting our third little boy (after hearing it was a girl first) turns out boy. We've had two miscarriages and I believe they were girls as well. It's not the fact that I'm having another boy that's upsetting he's healthy so I'm happy, but the fact that I'm missing out one something special. That mother daughter bond that I have with my mother. The girls days, everything would be different. My boys are such daddy's boys and they don't wanna hang out with mommy. It's a terrible feeling, but just remember no matter what those boys will always love you they only get one mama and pray their future wives don't try to mess your boys up!

[foxtrotmama]

I am sorry you're feeling this way- I think I feel similarly. The first baby I lost was the only girl I've ever conceived, and she had Turner syndrome. I'm on boy #5 since then (this baby, my 2 DSs, and a miscarried set of twins), and while consciously I know better I feel like I am incapable of conceiving and carrying a healthy baby girl.

[kc15880]

I could have written this post too. I cant help thinking about the baby that I lost in december. Silly but I am really convinced it was a girl too. I still cant even bring myself to tell anyone that I am pregnant yet & I am 21weeks! The few that I have told have all been so over the top & convinced about this one being a girl I just cant face telling anyone else

[ksmom]

I am so sorry you're having a hard time. I had a hard time after finding out about DS3. I too felt like my losses were all girls. Of course they may not have been but just knowing that one of them may have been really hurts. Now that DS3 is 6 months old, I can tell you it does get better. Yes I still want a girl but I feel like I'm not so upset over it anymore, at least for the time being. I hope you're able to make peace with it all. Hugs!

[Shannshaff]

Thank you everypone for letting me know that I am not alone in my feelings. It does help. ((HUGS)) to us all.

[KristaM]

So sorry you are feeling like this. I had a conversation with my mother once. She told me her girl cousin miscarried a lot and every time she did, it was a boy but she had healthy girls. My husband's cousin had two boys and had several miscarriages and feels those miscarriages were girls. I can't explain why this happens to some people where they can't carry the opposite better. I know this is not comforting to you. Hugs to you