LolaInLove's Infertility Journey

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Zan! I tend to rant a bit on here, don't I???? I will tell you all, no matter what gender child you are gestating, you are super blessed! There is nothing harder than infertility. It is just heartbreaking and kills your soul a little bit each day. I have no idea why this is what I have to deal with right now, but it is certainly the most trying thing I've ever done, even after I left my mean ex and was a single mom with 2 little kids. Seriously. Your emotions just go up and down and some days you feel like Thor of the Uterus, you will conquer it and get that baby come hell or high water. And then the very next day, you feel like wallowing in a corner and crying all day and have the most enormous pity party ever. And of course, like most of us infertiles, you constantly try to fix it or come up with a plan, even if it means spending every dime you have, which feels really quite irrational at times.

I say all of this to be the voice of soothing for those of you who feel bummed about having another boy or another girl, not so much for you to feel sorry for me. Walk in the shoes of an infertile couple for a day and you will look at your little one as if there has never been a more precious gift bestowed upon you.

It's funny how you can buy almost anything in the world with enough resources- you can buy a whole new body with modern medicine and plastic surgery, for pete's sake! But the one thing you cannot buy....literally, maybe the ONE thing, is a healthy, biological child. You can spend a fortune trying, but there is never a guarantee.

XXOO

[Princess of Pink]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}}

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!

[Butterfly Spirit]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}}

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!

Holy Moly MIRACLE! Cool show!!!

[auroara78]

Ahh Lola, I love having you on here and I love hearing your story, I just want the story to have a great happy ending I think maybe you should have another talk with R and let him know your concerns about time running out/donor sperm idea.

[LolaInLove]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}}

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!

WOW, those are some low odds there! It's so crazy how all of the stars have to be aligned just right for conception to occur- you'd think with 20-40 MILLION sperm in most guys, DWs would be getting pregnant every time they tried. But it's such a treacherous journey to your egg, no wonder so many don't make it. This guy must have had one super trooper in there!

[LolaInLove]

Ahh Lola, I love having you on here and I love hearing your story, I just want the story to have a great happy ending I think maybe you should have another talk with R and let him know your concerns about time running out/donor sperm idea.

Thank you, hun! I hope it has a happy ending someday too. I ended up talking to my mom last night, which just made me cry because she does not understand at all. She just tells me to be thankful for my wonderful husband and two girls, which I totally AM, but it still does not erase the pain of not being able to conceive again and give R a bio child (which I desperately want also, it's not just for him!). I think I need to express to him what exactly happens in IVF so he knows that I would really be the one who has to go through a crapton of meds and procedures and the like. He just has to make love to a cup. Once. I think that is why male factor is such a SOB- because I'm the one who has to do all the hard stuff for IVF even though I work perfectly fine. I know that is a snarky thing to say, but it's true. That's why I would LOVE to be able to just do IUI, but he doesn't have good enough numbers all around to do it. But yes, Aurora, you are right, I need to talk to him about it again. I don't think he knows how I feel sometimes, and he is so sensitive lately since he feels useless with the recovery from knee surgery.

[LolaInLove]

So, R had his first round of acupuncture today with an infertility specialist. I think I may go back also, but want to spend the money on him doing it (obviously!). His pensiveness was kind of funny- he said, "They're not going to stick those needles in my BALLS, are they?!?!" Poor guy, he's been through the ringer already!

[auroara78]

LOL poor R! I can imagine him being apprehensive!

About moms, I think they just say things to help calm us down, not realizing that we feel like they are just "shushing" us as grown children. Mom was so worried before I got pregnant this time about our money, etc, space, etc, what if we had another boy....she didn't want us to try out of fear of me getting hurt. I had to really talk to her about somethings are just worth the risks, even if it might hurt our heart, we gotta try some things just to get that richness in our life, and at least say "I didn't settle for no!"

Now she's thrilled about her upcoming grandbaby girl, but still of course worried for us. It used to drive me crazy, but I guess that just means she loves me and is *trying* to help, though it seems very counter productive and defeatening when we are having a conversation about it!

[skrimpy]

So, R had his first round of acupuncture today with an infertility specialist. I think I may go back also, but want to spend the money on him doing it (obviously!). His pensiveness was kind of funny- he said, "They're not going to stick those needles in my BALLS, are they?!?!" Poor guy, he's been through the ringer already!

LOL poor guy!! I think there really is something to the acupuncture. Firstly, it's clinically proven to help with IVF success rates. Secondly, I went from no signs of labor around 5pm to a baby in my arms around 12am - my chiropractor used some points in my ankles at my 5 o'clock appt when I told her I was so ready for the baby already!! I had just told my dad that morning that I didn't think I'd see a baby for a few days. When I called him at 1am he was shocked to hear he had a new granddaughter hehehe.

Anyways, I think it works so I hope your DH sees some results!!

[LolaInLove]

LOL poor R! I can imagine him being apprehensive!

About moms, I think they just say things to help calm us down, not realizing that we feel like they are just "shushing" us as grown children. Mom was so worried before I got pregnant this time about our money, etc, space, etc, what if we had another boy....she didn't want us to try out of fear of me getting hurt. I had to really talk to her about somethings are just worth the risks, even if it might hurt our heart, we gotta try some things just to get that richness in our life, and at least say "I didn't settle for no!"

Now she's thrilled about her upcoming grandbaby girl, but still of course worried for us. It used to drive me crazy, but I guess that just means she loves me and is *trying* to help, though it seems very counter productive and defeatening when we are having a conversation about it!

Ah, our mothers! Mine just doesn't like talking about non-happy things, and she got pregnant 3 times without trying, so she doesn't relate. She did not like the IVF idea either because of the twins possibility, saying it would be expensive to do IVF and then have to pay for 2 more kids. I got the same grief you did. She just keeps on with the "take care of the 2 kids you have now" crap. You are so right, though, about just doing what your heart tells you to do! Could you imagine if you didn't try for your little Lillian?