Due June/July/August 2017 (2)

[GirlieCat]

We are a pretty quiet group compared to the other DD threads. My pregnancy is going good. Second trimester is kinda boring, but a nice break after all the sickness in first trimester. No major symptoms except a little bit of heartburn starting and skin break outs continue.

I am struggling with one thing- telling others. I am 21w2d and still haven't announced our pregnancy. Haven't told parents, most family or even work. I am still small so I don't think my bump is that obvious, but definitely getting bigger so I know I need to tell soon. I just don't want to.

I have zero excitement about telling which makes me feel bad. Now I am just going to tell out of obligation or necessity and not desire. We might tell my mom this weekend and I am dreading it. I am also struggling with the order in which certain people get told. My mom will not tell others if I tell her not to, but DH mom can't keep anything to herself so we can't tell her till right before we tell social media and the bulk of his side of family, which also means I have to tell my boss before MIL since I have work friends on FB. I am making it complicated but probably because I just don't want to tell.

I also have a fear that once I tell, something will go wrong and we will lose baby.

I am sure I will feel relieved once it is done but I know then the annoying comments will start to bug me. I just don't want to be treated different or have everything revolve around pregnancy or baby. If I am tired, hungry, want a certain food, say something smells funny or am grumpy- doesn't have to be because I am pregnant...I got tired, hungry, liked certain foods, had sensitive smell and grumpy days when I wasn't pregnant too...bugs me when people make everything about pregnancy. Or the dreaded..."just wait..." comments about how they think life will be once I have a baby.

We will see if I chicken out or actual tell my mom this weekend and then my boss next week.

[joanne3146]

Sorry you feel this way I know the feeling tbh..

You can tell your boss in confidence they can't tell people if you ask them not to but depending on your line of work they really do need to know for health and safety reasons..

Just make it clear that you're aware it's not an illness or a 'condition' and that you want to be treated as normal.. because unless there are complications there's no need to treat you any different really! I've never 'craved' anything just more of a fancy which I get when I'm not pregnant anyway and tbh everyone fancies certain foods don't they!

Do you think they won't be happy for you? My family haven't been happy about any of my pregnancies apart from this one, so I've never enjoyed telling them. I'm on number 5 and I get 'no more after this one surely?' Or 'gonna regret this' etc which is horrible but you just have to develop a thick skin and ignore all the negativity! You're past half way, you'll miss being pregnant when baby is here so just try and enjoy it for yourself and no one else!
They may feel upset you've not told them for so long and your gestation is gonna be a shock for them! But that's your opportunity to be honest and explain why you didn't want to tell them. Maybe they'll rethink any comments they've got lined up!? If not then simply.. fuck them.. it's nothing to do with anyone else and they should be supportive no matter what.

The longer you leave it the harder it is I know that feeling! Just rip the plaster off and get it over with and you can start to relax and enjoy your pregnancy

We are happy to give you reveal ideas if you want to make it special? I wanted to tell our family together as we had the issue of who knew first etc so we got everyone together for our daughters 2nd birthday and she wore a 'keep calm I'm going to be a big sister' top and I wore a 'keep calm dunn in the oven' (dunn is our last name) top.. it was lovely and I didn't actually have to say the words 'I'm pregnant' which is what I always struggle with due to the responses I've had in the past! My mum even offered me money to get rid of my first child when I told her




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[jeanT]

ok I had my scan and all looks good - was a huge relief and lovely to see bubs... can't believe in 6 months I'll be

@Girlie cat - there is no right or wrong way to feel about pregnancy - people embrace it in different ways and you should roll with it and do it your way! I'm on my third pregnancy and if it helps I don't feel like I was treated that different... I think it depends how you act...people will react to that. Good luck telling your Mom if you go ahead with it! xxx

[MrsSparkles]

Hi Girlie

Completely with you.

I'm 22 weeks tomorrow, and still have not told anyone else.
Hubbie had to tell his work, because he's having to take so many days off with various appointments and baby related groups.
My Mum & sister know (and are being really mean about it all, my Mum keeps pushing me to announce it.), and I have a friend who knows.
Tbh, I told my friend because she has a 1 year old, and I wanted to be able to turn to her for support as she only lives half an hour away.
It hasn't quite worked out that way, all I am hearing is "Homebirth ? My baby had her cord wrapped around her neck....you need all the drugs....just wait!".
I was there all the way through her pregnancy, arranged hospital tours, baby showers, and supported whatever decisions she wanted.
Thought perhaps it would be reciprocated - So I misjudged that one!
Then again people act and behave, based on their own experiences.

I can completely understand the fear factor of thinking something bad will happen - but honestly at this stage I would say it's not that likely.


Don't fret though, I think most people do tell at 12 weeks or before, but that doesn't mean wanting to keep the pregnancy a precious secret to yourself is bad.
Especially if you have no real bump yet Who's to know

[purple]

Girliecat, your MIL may surprise you and be able to keep it a secret. Mine isn't so good with secrets at times but she was able to keep ours to herself for a few weeks and also my BIL and SILs pregnancy too.

I know what you mean about annoying comments once you are pregnant. Like at work I had a frozen coke so it is assumed I'm craving them of course! You have to just learn to deal with dumb comments too... I have heard so many. Also everyone suddenly is asking you how you are feeling all the time, even people who hardly spoke to you before. Oh and then there are all the comments on how the bump is progressing! I'm probably not helping make you want to tell anyone but there are good bits because it is nice having other people get excited for you when sometimes you aren't feeling that excited about it as you are dealing with all the crappy parts of pregnancy.

I'm sure it will all go well when you tell people

[purple]

MrsSparkles, are you considering a homebirth? My 2nd was born at home with the cord around his neck too. It was no big deal, the midwife just unwrapped him and placed him in my arms.
Looking forward to birthing at home again in a few weeks!!

[Mummyof4boys]

Sorry your friends and family aren't giving you the support you deserve, Mrs Sparkles You're so lucky you can get away with not telling people at 22 weeks..I'm nearly 23 weeks and look like a whale haha! And my mum keeps reminding me of it too A friend of ours who likes to think of herself as my mum (even trying to get my kids to call her Nanna which pisses us off!) is getting really pushy and intrusive. Even insisting that she needs to be there as soon as baby is born...umm no!! This is a special bonding time for me, hubby and baby. I don't want visitors immediately after delivery when I'll be suffering nasty afterpains and most likely heavy bleeding and trying to establish breastfeeding. I know I'm going to end up fighting with her coz she won't like being told no...

[PrayingForPrincess]

Hey everyone! I haven't been so active on the site in a while so thought I would update that we won't be finding out the gender of our baby. I did a post about the nub on my scan but it's a tricky one although I have had all pink leans (keeping my fingers crossed)! I hope everyones pregnancies are going well! I had some bleeding at 9 weeks so im eargerly awaiting my 20 week scan so I can finally relax. Saw baby at 12+5 but I have zero symptoms so my anxiety is sky high!

[MrsSparkles]

Purple - I'm sorry people are giving you the annoying comments, but glad to see you are handling it so gracefully
Fab about your home birth, and yes I am hoping to have one

Mummyof4boys - That lady sounds like a nightmare, can see why you're angry.
We had some friends who had their first baby, they put out a post on Facebook saying "Don't call us we'll call you" or words to those effects.
Their plan was no visitors in the first few weeks, but actually they ended up inviting us all early.
The new Mama felt so good, and couldn't wait to show off her little boy.

We don't plan on having any visitors, but that's because we have a big family wedding 10 days after my due date....hopefully baby will be here by then !
I don't fancy a 6 hour car drive with a massive bump, and I want to show him off at the wedding

[GirlieCat]

Thank you ladies for the replies to my post. The support I get here is so amazing, probably why I don't need to tell people, I have all you to share my pregnancy with. [emoji2]

Joanne- it is not that my family won't be happy or supportive- actually the opposite. I think they will be too happy. I am almost 36 and DH 38, been married nearly 10 years so we have been getting pressure for years and years. I am sure we will get the comment "it's about time" or "finally" a lot. My heart broke when you said your mom has never been happy for you and even wanted you to get rid of baby #1. I am so sorry.

Sparkles- I have only told 1 friend too because she struggled with infertility so I confided in her when we were TTC and needed meds. She has tried to seem supported but has said some very hurtful things- like basically telling me I am a bad mom because I want a very short maternity leave from work.

Purple- thank you your comments. MIL definitely can't be trusted or at least I can't take the risk. This is granddaughter #1 for her after 7 grandsons so I am sure she will want to tell, which is fine, I just need to tell her when we are ready for anyone else to know.

Thanks!!