Dreaming Pink Opposites Due Winter 2013/14

[EmmyRoo]

Hi everyone, I'm back from my break and finally caught up with all the posts! So lovely/sad to see so many newbies here, welcome to you all although I wish you didn't have to be here, iykwim.

I'm having good and bad days. I really thought I was making good progress, starting to believe that this is for the best, but then I got back from hols and started reading up on the ttc pink long termers thread and there were new pink announcements and it all just came crashing down again. I think I'm going to stick to just this thread until I'm feeling better about it all. I couldn't believe how sad I felt just seeing other people's good news. It really makes me hate myself too for not simply being happy for them.

On wed I went back to work and then saw my friends for the first time in a couple of weeks, so there were lots of comments about the pregnancy and "you never know it might be a girl this time". To be fair nobody said anything upsetting and every time gender was mentioned I said "yeah a girl would be lovely but it looked like a boy at the scan" and they all jumped to say that boys are lovely, my two will love a brother etc. I'm so glad I didn't tell anyone bar one close friend IRL about swaying. I feel like everyone would pity me so much and think "poor cow, she wanted a girl so much she thought starving herself would get her one and then it didn't even work". I can't bear that thought.
So I felt by the end of the day that I'd done nothing but trot out my go-to lines about how fab three boys will be all day, and I just wasn't buying any of it.

Then I got an email from my aunt, who has two grown up boys herself. Her kids, especially the eldest, are one of the reasons I have such negative associations with having boys. They were badly behaved, insensitive, foul mouthed, selfish, money-obsessed little sh*its when they were young and my three younger sisters and I always beamed with pride at how lovely and perfect we were in comparison to them when the family would meet up as kids. I grew up with the idea that boys were just awful and my parents thought that too, which makes it really hard not to believe that they prefer my sister's daughter to my sons, even though I know it's not true. Anyway, my aunt said that when pregnant with her DS2, she prayed that if it had to be a boy, please let it be a totally different personality to DS1, and he was. He's actually lovely now. She then said, "so you never know, if this is another boy he might be quiet, well-behaved and lovely" or something to that effect!!! I haven't replied yet, but I'm so tempted to say "what are you implying about my boys?! They ARE lovely, they may be loud and wild but boys are meant to be aren't they? At least they don't know any swear words and have empathy, unlike your two horrors at that age!!!" but I don't have the nerve. Plus I know she means well. She also said my having a third boy makes her even more sure my sister will have a second girl in 6 weeks. I could just cry, I know that will happen but why does she think that would be a nice thing to say to me? I love my niece to bits but she's not my daughter, as much as I'd love a second niece, it will make me really sad, especially as my sister doesn't even have a gender preference.

Why does it have to be that people who don't care either way get both genders and we, who only want ONE of our DG, don't get any? I am really struggling with the whole "fairness" issue. I can't accept that this isn't a question of "fair" or "unfair", that no one has decided that I don't deserve a DD, it just happened that way. I really don't know how to get past that.

I'm so glad you all understand how I feel, I honestly agree with everything I read in this thread, I'm so grateful for it. Sorry for going on, felt like I had a lot to get out today.

I hope you're all doing ok and making progress.

X

[EmmyRoo]

Oops, sorry for duplicate post! X

[2lovelyboys]

Emmyroo, glad you had a good holiday! Sorry if I missed it previously, was it your scan that indicates boy? It is a real emotional roller coaster, I'm having more good days than bad now but still not 100% there yet, so glad I found out gender early! Told my ILs yesterday that this is DS3 although they said all the right things their words didn't match the reactions on their face, they are desperate for a girl in the family had a few comments today were people are convinced this is a girl, I keep try to tell them it maybe and is likely to be a boy, comments still get to me but are becoming easier to shrug off!

[EmmyRoo]

Yes 2LB, my NT scan at 12+3 showed really obvious boy bits, the sonographer was laughing at how obvious it was. I saw a sticking up, bobbly nub briefly too, so even though potty shots are unreliable at that stage there really is no doubt. It'll be confirmed in two weeks at my private gender scan.

I'm glad you're finding it easier as time passes, I'm hoping to be the same. I am also glad I've found out early, although it feels like I've lost some of the excitement I felt about this pregnancy. There's no good time to hear what you don't want to hear though. I'm really hoping I don't get any negative comments when we properly go public, it would make everything so much worse. I know what you mean about your ILs' reaction, its like people are saying how great it is having all boys but there's a note of consolation in their voice that they wouldn't have if it was a girl.

X

[mindyjean]

Why does it have to be that people who don't care either way get both genders and we, who only want ONE of our DG, don't get any? I am really struggling with the whole "fairness" issue. I can't accept that this isn't a question of "fair" or "unfair", that no one has decided that I don't deserve a DD, it just happened that way. I really don't know how to get past that.

I agree with the feeling of it being COMPLETELY unfair. Everyone I know, with the exception of maybe 2 people got what gender they wanted--or have one of each, or didn't care what they got, so were happy with whatever.

It has been a rough week here, too. I am a teacher, so we went back to school (just inservice days), but we had a back to school night where lots of parents stopped in to see me. Everyone asked what we were having, and all of them were surprised when I said we're having 3rd boy. One mom said "OH I feel SO SORRY for you. Boys are a different breed." (She has a daughter and 2 boys). One mom said "Oh my girls will be so disappointed (she has 3 girls that have been my students)." One of my fellow teachers said "Now, be sure you love this boy..." and I know he was completely kidding, but I was like, really?

And then today, I got my hair done (which felt great). I was dreading it because she herself is pregnant. I haven't told her the last 2 times because I just wasn't ready to talk about it. Of course it was the first thing she asked me, so when I told her she said "Oh I was wondering, because you hadn't posted anything on facebook." I said "I didn't want to deal with people's stupid comments about how they feel sorry for me, and they will pray for me, blah blah blah."

And then the whole rest of the appt, she kept talking about how she is already calling the baby "she" because she just has a "feeling" it is a girl, and when people ask her if she will be disappointed if it is a boy, she says "yes." When she said that at the end of the appointment, I just walked out and said "okay, see you later!" because I was done talking to her about it. I'm sure she'll get her girl.

[rainbowflower]

sorry to crash, but just want to say *hugs* Emmyroo, nubs aren't 100% accurate before 13 weeks, probably 80% at best so you still have a chance x

[2lovelyboys]

Rainbow flower, I agree!

Ladies hope you are all having a good weekend! I completely agree that this is sooooooooo unfair, I'm the only person I know with all one gender, everyone else has both . When they find out they are having their DG they are really excited! I know I've mentioned this already but my friend has a DS the same age as my DS1 and is due in Dec with twin girls, she is over the moon. How does this happen? I'm not greedy, I'd be happy with one

I was also at the hairdresser this weekend, talk automatically became about babies, the women were discussing whether they would have had no3 if they hadn't got their pigeon pairs! Boooooooooo

[EmmyRoo]

Hi ladies, just a quickie for the UK girls...
I've just been in M&Co (formerly MacKays) and they have some LOVELY baby boy stuff, I was actually not even looking at the girl stuff longingly, just cooing over the boy stuff and wishing it wasn't so early so I could buy some! I hope they still have it in a couple of weeks so I can get something nice for this one!
X

[2lovelyboys]

Emmyroo, they do have some nice bits on there, I bought some summer clothes for my boys in there this year! May have to go in and have another look!

How is everyone today? DS1 was poorly last week, DS2 has now been poorly for a couple of days and today I woke up feeling awful

[meeks32]

Hi ladies, just a quickie for the UK girls...
I've just been in M&Co (formerly MacKays) and they have some LOVELY baby boy stuff, I was actually not even looking at the girl stuff longingly, just cooing over the boy stuff and wishing it wasn't so early so I could buy some! I hope they still have it in a couple of weeks so I can get something nice for this one!
X

THANK YOU!

FYI ladies around the world, M&Co do free worldwide delivery for orders over 50 pounds. I'm stalking! They even offer currency conversion top right if you check out their website.