Ladies due in Sept/Oct/Nov 2012, gather here!

[Mochagirl]

auroara - my dh is going through depression right now too, but for different reasons. Our financial situation isn't very good right now. We have enough money to live on - dh is a university professor and has a good income - but we're up to our eyeballs in debt and can't seem to make a dent in it no matter how much we try. We have no savings whatsoever, and can never buy things for ourselves or the house. I shouldn't complain because we have a nice house in a nice neighbourhood and my kids never want for anything, but I do get jealous when my friends with 2 incomes and 1-2 kids buy fancy TVs, go on big trips and get new appliances, while all of our appliances are at last 20 years old and we have an old hand me down tv that weighs about a ton and takes up half the living room (it's an old fashioned tube one).

Anyway, dh has been freaking out lately about money and making me feel REALLY guilty I pressured him for baby #4. Last night he was actually sobbing in the middle of the night about it all. He's always been depressed about this or that, but this is the worst I've ever seen him. Honestly, it brings me down and stresses me out.

[Flava]

I think im also freaking out about 5 kids ! I don't know anyone with 5 kids and really I never wanted a bunch of kids.
Also things are so hard doing all alone all the time.

aurora- i still don't think it's fair to make you feel bad about the game just because DH don't like it anymore. He was playing it to and not it's like hey I don't do it anymore so you stop too.
I was fishing on my game all afternoon yesterday lol it's relaxing really.
We also have no money that's the other thing ! No vacations no fun parks , no nothing.I feel guilty that my kids don't go to Disney ect. when other with 1 or 2 kids always go places and buy things.

[LolaInLove]

Oh Mocha, I am sorry, that must be really hard for you to see him go through. I was just pm'ing with Aurora about our SAHD DHs and how bummy they are about it. I know it won't make things better, but just know that I think 90% of America is going through the debt crisis right now also. I know we are in the same boat.....just love making giant payments each month instead of putting it in a retirement account, and I know I'll be doing it for YEARS so there is no respite. You did make me laugh about the big old tv, we have one of those also, a rear-projection one. I just try to distance myself from the "keeping up with the joneses" mentality as much as I can because I know we can't, for one, and I also know it's not healthy. No one needs that much crap, we just think we do. I am sure you know what I mean, even though I still get those pangs too no matter how much I tell myself that we don't need anything. We just live in such a consumer society. But I hope your DH starts to feel better, that is so hard. I have been the one doing that in my house lately, to the point where some nights I have to take sleep meds to just go to sleep. It's hard stressing about money, the hardest thing there is in families and marriages sometimes. But I hope he can find a way to lift his spirits and move out of the funk and focus on all of the good things you guys have going on. xxoo

[LolaInLove]

Flava, I agree, play your games if you can't afford to do other stuff. I have been there! All I could afford to do was take walks with #1 when she was a newborn and sit around the house. You'll be ok with 5....there are lots of moms here with more than 4.....maybe you guys could start a "lots of love" thread or something?

[Mochagirl]

Thanks, Lola. The problem is I usually just resent him for the way he acts. He's been depressed pretty much since I met him, and though I keep trying to get him to get help, he refuses. It puts a LOT of stress on our relationship, and to be honest, I lost my patience with it a long time ago. It's hard to help someone who doesn't help themselves. He just internalises everything and shuts himself off from the family, so I'm left to do EVERYTHING and hold the rest of the family together. I'm stressed about money too, but life goes on. As I said, our kids don't want for anything, and eventually they'll all be in school and I can go back to work so we can pay off some of this debt.

[auroara78]

I think that's a good idea about the thread....

Mocha, I'm sorry to hear about your DH and his sobbing must have been very upsetting. I can only imagine. I went thru that sobbing from DH, but this morning, as I was getting ready for work, he was crying to me about how I made him feel like sh** lately for trying to take care of his Dad...and all that other crap, blah. I know once he meets his new little baby, he'll be over the moon. You guys will make it work. I know you will, and it is a bit of a comfort knowing that I am not the only pregnant woman that has debt over her head and the feeling that maybe I pushed too hard.

Flava, I'm not sayin im going to quit playing for good, but i do think its better if i just put it aside for a bit and try to get this marriage train back on its tracks. I need to get DH and I back to a good spot.

So I got my scan rescheduled for this Friday. I'll only be 18+5 but they should be able to see everything. There was a free reasons for this: 1) I have decided I really want a weekend to process the news, boy or girl, just to have time to be alone with my family wtih it before having to be at work again. 2) Next Tues we have an accrediation visit here at my school and I have to in that "mind-frame" next week and taking off Monday was prob not going to work 3) I really, truly cannot wait any longer.

I *need* to just know already, so I can process what I need to process. This is so hard because I just want to hear girl already so I can get a sense that my family is complete but i know life does not always easily work like that.

I'm going to be praying hard for acceptance, patience, and love for this little bub.

[auroara78]

Yeah, my DH has always been off / on depressed too. And lately I just shut the door on it.

I guess that's part of the problem too. I've lost my ability to emphaize or feel sympathy for his depression bouts.

[auroara78]

Flava, what its' worth my sister has 5 kids, and when she was preggo with her 5th, she felt very sheepish about it and did tell me she felt all alone. Now her youngest is 7 and she is quite happy she had him. So I really do honestly believe in my heart that you were meant to be pregnant again, this pregnancy was meant to happen, and you don't see it now, but you will understand how important it was to go through.

[Mochagirl]

How exciting, auroara - FRIDAY!!! What time is it? I need to seriously stalk you! I'll make sure to wear pink that day in your honour. I wore pink to my scan and I think it brought me luck! I also wore a necklace I bought when dh and I were first married - it's made by a woman named 'Sadie' and has a big tag hanging from it that has that name printed on it. As you know, that's the name we've chosen for our DD, so I had hoped it would bring me luck.

And it sounds like we're going through similar situations with our dh's. What makes it particularly bad with mine is he's a blamer - he always has been. If something goes wrong, he finds someone to blame other than himself. If he drops a plate and breaks it it's someone else's fault for leaving something on the floor he had to step around or something like that. When he's upset and sobbing about money, I know he's blaming me because that's just his way. I control the family's finances, and yes, it costs a lot of money to feed a family of 5. I don't make any extravagant purchases, but he always eyes me suspiciously when I come home with any bags. His attitude when I say we need XX amount for groceries is 'spend less', not acknowledging that I already read all the flyers and only buy things on sale, use coupons when I can, and spend a lot of time planning cheap (often meatless) meals to try to save money. In his eyes I am too loose with money and am ruining us all. Sigh.

[auroara78]

OMG Mocha are we married to the same man???? :Rofl:

my hubby has always been a blamer too. Lately he's been depressed because I'm "ignoring him for my game." Yet if I wasn't playing the game, it would be something else that I did *to* him. Sigh. We actually do have some weeks/months that I am actually amazed by him and in love with him....then we have weeks/months when I'm like...why, oh why did I marry him again? What did i see good about him? Bleh. My DH is really weird about money too, though he stays at home, he still hasn't got a grapple on the fiances so i still pay the online bills and then I got to scold him or tell him what he can/can't buy at the grocery store.

Got the scan scheduled for 10 am, though i won't be updating prob until after lunch. The last time we had a scan for DS2 we went out to eat afterwards and talked it over, musing over names and just letting it sink in. I'm not sure how fast I'll come back to the computer, though I'll try to update as soon as I can!