UK SMOG Wannabes APRIL

[maybebabythree]

Ditto the above babymad. I see your lovely happy family on fb and it breaks my heart that your so sad inside. I think all us who swayed and got blue still have varrying degrees of sadness inside, but it doesn't have to rule your life. Is there anyone irl you can talk too? I have a friend with two dd and she gets me. When I tell her how I have felt in the past it really helps. She wants a son and in a way it helps that we both don't have what we want as it makes it seem more normal to want some thing you can't have that's not a material want.

[deaks66]

babymad, it is very hard to open up to friends about this. On one hand it would be lovely to have someone to confide in, talk things through and get things off our chests but at the same time acknowledging to ANYONE that we aren't entirely satisfied with our family makeup is impossible. I decided recently that i would only open up to one friend (she actually has a pp but feels more of a connection with her ds than her dd) and tell anyone else (even those who know i swayed) that i am delighted to be having another boy...'what fun' sort of thing! Is there one person that you feel you could do this with and not feel judged?

I too feel sad when i think i may never know what a daughter of mine may look like but then i tell myself that im sure the reality of having a daughter is probably not as perfect as we have all convinced ourselves it is. Lets face it, by the time they are 4 they will be demanding to dress themselves in top to toe gaudy pink (instead of that pretty boden dress), there will be bitchiness on the primary school playground from early on, eventually they will all get far better looking than us and not hesitate to tell us we look fat or stupid in something and probably end up a total tomboy after all our hardwork anyway! X

[Kell]

Deaks you are so right, even I keep thinking there's not chance of a perfect girly girl when she's being brought up around 3boys!
And reality is that girls can be horrible little cows! Gosh I just need to look at my neighbours girls to be completly turned off by them!

Babymad, I know what it's like to take everything in and bottle it, I did it for years, put on the fake smile, pretend life is perfect when infact all u want to do is hide away and never come out again.
I use to think admitting I was struggling ment I was weak, even now I sometimes struggle with that actually.
But I started speaking to a lady online who really helped me, she has experienced many struggles herself and has put herself through tonnes of courses to be come a life coach. If you would like me to dig out her details I would be more than happy to.
She really helped me to see positives in my depression amount other things and never judged me in any way at all.

[maybebabythree]

I didn't fall in love with DS1 straight away when he was born. Mainly due to my dads death weeks before and being ill with pre eclampsia. Its ok not feel a rush of love imediatly. It was strange really, I did love him but it didn't feel like it was right as I was supposed to be over whelmed with love and tbh I wasn't. It took a while but now I adore him. He is so clever and witty. A better person than me in so many ways. I don't think it demanges the mother child relationship. Falling in love takes time as you get to know to someone and what makes them specail.

We all know its not about our boys. I ADORE Dave1000% and totally honest would not swop him for a DD and that is the gods honest truth. Would I have swopped him at my 20 week scan? Yes, in a flash. Do I still want a girl? Yes, very much so. Do I feel ashamed to say that? Yes very. But its true. I still cry when I talk to DH about having a fourth s I can't see how it could ever be a dd. It hurts still and it feels like it will never go away totally. But if I don't think too much about having a DD its fine. I'm fine. I'm happy so I know it can get so much better. Dave has made me better. If I had been told before I tried for my third it would have been another son I would not have tried again. But I'm glad I did. He didn't bring me dresses or a future full of meaningful conversations. Or bonding and understanding but he has made us more of a proper family. He has shown me a new lovely dimention in DS1 as he fusses over ds1. Shown me why I still love my DH as he looked after me when I was ill with my BP. I am sure this little boy will bring you some thing new and wonderful to your family. I know its worse for you as you don't want any more and you have lost your DD. I wish I could say some thing to help. I feel your pain and we all understand totally

[Babymad]

That would be really helpful thanks Kell x p.s I'd love a horrible little cow in my house

Maybe ~ thanks for your kind words and understanding xx

[clarabell]

Hi all, Babymad I understand all your feelings. I found out I was having another boy at my 20 week scan and I was deverstated. I swayed for a girl, and also with DS2, obviously it didn't work. When I found out he was a boy I felt my world had ended, I went into a deep depressiona and denial, I was certain they were wrong. My DH didn't understand and I had no one to talk too. I fell apart with the midwife and felt so shameful with my feelings. When my second son was born it was a surprise, I was certain I was having a DD and as a result I took a while to bond and suffered with depression. My midwife sent me to see a pregancy councilor which did ahelp a bit. She felt I was desperate for a girl to replace the poor relationship I have with my mother. I am a very girly girl and I do resent those who have girls (all my friends and my sister) It is so hard to live with these feelings so it does help to know that sadly all you women also feel and understand these feelings. I hang onto the fact that possibly I could have another so there is a slim chance? Although my DH says no to another baby as he knows I only want a girl. I do love my DS3 to bits he is an angel of a baby and very adorable, such a happy boy. I wouldn't change him for the world but still I have these feelings. I don't think they will ever go, and yes I know reality of of getting what we pray for doesn't alway mean we will be 100% happy. But I would love to experience it. Congrats on your pregnancy, I know your boys will adore him to bits, mie do which makes it all so worth while.

[Lavenderlime]

I've just caught up on eight pages!

So sorry you ladies are having a hard time with GD It's such a hard place to be.
Aurora a massive congratulations on your DD you must be thrilled. So glad that your sway worked for you.

Well i've been AWOL because of the business and then two weeks ago I decided I wanted to get married in August. August this year. So have been manically phoning around, scouring the net and just trying to get everything sorted, into place and booked. The only good thing that has come from swaying for me thus far is that my wedding dress is a size 6 haha! So because of the wedding i'm holding off TTC until August/September now as I need to stay the same size to fit into my dress which can't be returned. It's quite good really as I have so much to focus on at the moment TTC has really gone to the back of my mind and it feels like a huge pressure has been lifted. Swaying was getting me down quite a bit every month seeing a BFN. But hey I do believe everything happens for a reason and If I hadn't of swayed I would probably be pregnant now and we wouldn't be getting married.

Charlie I did look for the boys pants in smaller sizes but I'm struggling to find any I will keep scouring promise. Indigo I haven't done any larger sizes yet either so sorry I have just been so busy with wedding/house and boys. Just trying to finish off the bathroom that was started a good month and a bit ago. I sometimes wish there was two of me would make my life so much easier. It got to the point where I was going to bed every night at 1pm or later and then I just crashed and had stint of early nights, just starting to feel more normal.

Charlie I also love your boys names, and thought about stealing one if I had a boy when thinking of boys names. I actually really like American boys names too and surenames for first names.

Sunset and Inglewood love seeing pictures of your DD's on facebook they're growng up fast!

Looks like a lot of you are looking into PGD. I've never really thought about it properly. But the prospect of twins scares me. I just wouldn't be able to cope with twins and my two very rowdy young boys. I think If I had twins first or older boys it would be different.

Deaks did you find a bed that you liked? Choose a colour?

Wel better get breakfast for the boys. No pre-school today so lazy morning.

[zanacal]

Big congratulations on getting married - in August, wow! You're going to be very busy for the next couple of months I'm really happy for you x

[Inglewood]

Maybe, thanks for the link!! will check it out now.

Deaks, I was later in feeling twins, around 22 wks properly, but they were both lying strange!!

Babymad, it won't be long till u meet him

[Inglewood]

Congrats Lavender!! happy planning!! I loved planning my wedding! xx