What to say to my pregnant friend? Need advice!

[Possible pink?]

Hi Possible Pink. I am sorry to hear that your friend was the same way. I just know she is going to find out its a girl this week and I fear that it really will change our friendship. Oh well. Boys are awesome and even though I am swaying girl for baby #2.....if its a boy then whatever! That is what I was meant to have and Colin will have a best friend for life. I just want to TRY swaying since we didn't do anything of the sort with Colin. I am new to all this gender swaying business...so I am not familiar with all the lingo. I know that "HT" means "High tech"...but does that mean IVF? Or Microsort? Or is it a different method that you are doing? I think we are stopping after baby#2 regardless of what it is because I don't think my husband and I could ever afford IVF

We are doing IVF/pgd in another state. My husband just wanted two but I really still want to raise a daughter and I think deep down he does also. However my Boys are 15 months apart and love love love eachother! It's so sweet to watch them together. They WILL be amazing little buds growing up. I wouldn't trade how things did turn out for anything!

[alreadyneedivf]

hmm with a friend like that I'd wish they'd have a boy. I had a friend tell me the other day that seeing my son made her realize her life wouldn't be over if she ever had a boy. she has no kids now but I told all my friends and now they all say they hope when she is pregnant that it is a boy--just for that. LOL. I think everyone has a preference but they don't need to say it to people who have the opposite of their preference. In fact, my good friend just found out she's having a girl and before she found out I heard her talking to another friend about how she wants a girl but as soon as I came over they stopped the conversation because that's what good friends do.

I think whether this is a girl or a boy you need to reconsider your friendship with this girl. Just my opinion!

[coocoobananas]

I am still friends with her, she puts her foot in her mouth a lot! She's not someone I am super close and thats how it will stay. she's rooting for me to get a girl this time. But even her comments about hoping I get to experience that girl/mom bond that is so special erks me too, my relationship with my boys is just as special and I'm not expecting anything different on that level with a girl!

[auroara78]

I have a friend who I am not super close to anymore but when I was pregnant iwth DS2 and wanted a girl and found out he was a boy, she was telling me how much of a pain girls are and how I'd better be so glad I dont got to deal with that crap (it didn't really help me, since I SAW with my own eyes how her daughter and her were best friends, always went shopping etc.)

I told her about swaying and she scoffed, saying I was doomed to make boy 3. She actually said, "face it, your husband only shoots boys."

So once i found out this baby was a girl, instead of congraulating me or being happy that I am getting what I want, she just went on and on about how "sorry" I'd be, how I would hate having a girl, and would wish I did have another boy. Needless to say, I really don't talk to her that much because she is so unsupportive. So unforatnely sometimes it can go the other way in friendships as well

[wantagirly23]

Well she just texted me this morning. Of course she found out she is having a girl. She sent me like 5 text messages before the appt saying.."Omg omg I am SOOOOOO nervous right now!". I texted her back being like, "Why are you so nervous?". Deep down I was just begging her to say something negative again about the baby being a boy so that I could yell at her .........but she didn't respond to my text. Then she texted me like an hour later saying that she was having a "precious princess baby girl". And then she went on and on about how relieved and happy she was...and how she is going to go out tonight and go on a "girly shopping spree" and "bake pink cupcakes". I was livid and wanted to say something but I was at the beach with family and didn't want to get into it on the phone there. So I texted her back and said that I was very happy for her and that she got what she wanted. I dunno guys I am just so livid and depressed right now. I just feel like there is no justice in the world. Why does someone who act like that end up getting what they want? I am so upset about this and I can't talk to anyone about it because my husband said he doesn't want to hear my complaining anymore. I don't blame him because I talk about it a lot.......but I still can't help it. She makes me feel bad that I have a baby boy and she already knows that me not having a girl is a sensitive subject. I am also sad because I fear that this will def change our friendship. I am going to sway my heart out on this next baby but if its a boy again I honestly don't know how I am going to stand being friends with her. She is going to make comments like "Oh I'm so sorry its another boy". I can't be around that. I think if our next baby is another boy that I will prob take it very hard and be really upset for awhile. Not necessarily because the baby is a boy but because the dream of ever having a girl will be gone. This next baby will be our last because my husband only wants 2 kids. So this is it. If the next baby is a boy I need people around me that are going to be positive and supportive and help me realize that having all boys is great. She is just going to make things worse. My husband thinks I should talk to her now before we start ttc for baby #2 in a couple of months. He thinks I should tell her how I feel and everything. I agree that maybe something needs to be said but I am not sure how to go about doing it. I feel like she is going to immediately jump to the conclusion that I am just completely jealous of her that she got a girl and that I am a terrible friend who isn't happy for her. That is not the case. I am happy that she got pregnant after years of trying and I would never want someone to not get what they want but I felt like her behavior, comments and preference for a girl were way over the top...especially in front of me when she knows I have a boy and nervous about possibly never having a daughter. I dunno what do you guys think? I read this and if I didn't know me I would think this was totally crazy. I SHOULD just be grateful that I have a healthy baby boy and not be so obsessed with this gender thing. Babies are born everyday with health problems and thousands of couples struggle with infertility and are never able to have kids. How can I be so selfish? God what is wrong with me. Nothing is ever good enough. I am so lost right now.

[SoulSister]

Hello, I am new to this website. I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with GD. It's easy to be misinterpreted with written text, so please understand its not my intention to hurt your feelings even further or to offend you.
It seems to me that your friend thinks that you understood how deeply she wished for a daughter because you feel similarly. Perhaps she felt so strongly that her first needed to be a daughter as it has taken her so long to conceive that she feared she may not get the chance again? I hope your husband can be the support you need to get through this difficult time.
I hope your next child is the daughter your dream of, but should you have another son, please know that the gift of a brother for your son is a precious precious thing.

[Hobbermittens]

Ugh, it is so terribly unfair that people like your friend get what they want, especially after acting so spoiled and entitled! I hate that. I am so sick of people assuming that they will get the gender they want, and then getting it, when the rest want it so bad and get opposites. I had a friend get a boy when I got DD2, and it killed me. She happily said she "ordered" a boy because her daughter was a handful, and her older son was easy, so she wanted another boy for her 3rd. I don't think they swayed--by "ordering", I assumed she meant prayed or just hoped for a boy. It made me nuts, because I wanted a boy so badly and still got a girl--so why did she get what she wanted and I didn't?

[BeadinMom]

Honestly, I think some people are just clueless.

My comment to people when they mention sex of babies...no matter whose baby it is...
it is not WHAT you have, but WHO you have in your life.

I swayed for a girl, but if given the choice between a girl or another boy with the personality of my DS3, I'd take another one like him in a heartbeat. He has been the greatest ride...it's the only way to describe him. I taught him sign language when he was a baby...all I had to teach him was "more" and then he started talking and he hasn't shut up since. My boys are absolutely amazing with each other...even when they fight.
I have 2 nieces who I love equally, but are COMPLETELY different. It's all about WHO they are, not what's in their diaper.

[BeadinMom]

By the way, if you really do think she's throwing this in your face, my advice is to find a new friend.
I had a very dear friend who had a pigeon pair. When I found out my DS3 was a boy, she was well aware that I had wanted a girl. Her comment to me when I told her it was a boy..."When I was pregnant with my son, I was on the beach and saw this mom with 3 little boys running around her. I started to cry and told my husband, OMG, that's going to be us...but thankfully a couple years later, we had a girl."
Yeah. That was pretty much the last conversation we had. lol. When I'm done, I'm done.

[cravingsalt]

By the way, if you really do think she's throwing this in your face, my advice is to find a new friend.
I had a very dear friend who had a pigeon pair. When I found out my DS3 was a boy, she was well aware that I had wanted a girl. Her comment to me when I told her it was a boy..."When I was pregnant with my son, I was on the beach and saw this mom with 3 little boys running around her. I started to cry and told my husband, OMG, that's going to be us...but thankfully a couple years later, we had a girl."
Yeah. That was pretty much the last conversation we had. lol. When I'm done, I'm done.

Beadin...that is the worst one I've heard yet. So sorry she was so insensitive! She'll never know what she was missing out on. The worst one I've had was when I was very pregnant with my ds2 and a friend of my sister-in-law (pigeon pair with an adorable baby girl) asked what I was having. I told her a boy, with a smile and no negativity, and she said, quote, "ha, HA!!"

Wantagirly- this situation is heartwrenching, I know...it's a grieving process, truly. I think maybe take a little splace for yourself- don't chuck her as a friend, but maybe give it a little distance for a short time, for both of your sakes. Kindly, if she's truly a friend- you've got to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she has just been putting her foot in her mouth, maybe so excited about conceiving plus getting her dg that she's having a hard time thinking about anything else. I know it's soooooo hard, you don't want to feel guilty if you say something you can't take back. It'll give you both some time to not have it in your face and re-evaluate if you miss the friendship. Sometimes people just grow apart.