Problems with DH

[1wish]

I totally agree with nothingbutpink. Your words exactly.

[zibibbogirl]

Oh Clarabell, that is tough.

Some men, well some people really, just don't get GD at all. I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. I think it is really hard for men in particular to comprehend how we feel about our family make-up because they simply don't spend as much time planning their families as we do. There is a saying "Women know everything about their children; their best friend, their favourite color, their hopes and dreams. Men are vaguely aware of some smaller people also living in the house". Most of us ladies have thought about our families/children since we were little girls. When our dreams don't become reality, we experience grief/loss. There are some men who probably long for a son or a daughter for a particular reason in the same way women do, but most DH's really just want a say in how many kids they have. Some might cave in and have another one or two if their wife really, really wanted to just to make them happy. My DH really doesn't really mind and is happy to leave it up to me, and I don't take his easy going attitude for granted, I know he is the exception.

I left a marriage previously and it is not an easy decision to make, especially when children are involved. I don't regret my decision to leave, but my decision wasn't based on wanting more children or wanting a girl, there were many other issues and it was an unhappy marriage. I know GD is very serious but I think for me, there would have to be issues other than GD at play to give up on an otherwise happy marriage.

If this is a deal breaker for you, it may end up causing larger issues if you allow your frustration to become resentment and eventually more. If you are otherwise happy and it is the issue of wanting a girl that is causing the problem, perhaps you could attempt a compromise. Would he perhaps let you have one more child if you go high tech and if you promised to let it go and move on if it did not work? I don't know if that is a deal you would be prepared to make. Only you know if you can let go of your dream for a DD.

I wish you luck and clarity of thought.

[n710]

Hugs Clarabell!
GD can be very isolating. I definitely agree with others that you should focus on your marriage first. Try to find what brought you to your husband in the first place.

That being said, maybe you and he could comfort one another if you both saw a therapist? Like if you really explained to him that you love your children, you are just said at the loss of an experience. You are mourning the opportunity of experiencing a daughter.
Maybe he would understand those terms better? Also, if you explain the examples of things you feel you may miss. Definitely give the examples of things you feel grateful to experience though having boys.

NEVER feel guilty of your feelings, none of them mean you love your children any less. I think it's very easy for folks who don't understand to think we think we are lacking in the children we have. It's never that, it's that we feel we are lacking an experience (which we have to remember gender doesn't always fix)

My DS is way more cuddly than DD#1-you never know what you end up with. I love them both dearly, but they definitely don't fully fit our culture's "gender stereotypes" My daughter would be way more likely to go out for football than my son

Your DH may be more understanding if you doing things that show him you were very appreciative of him trying for your third and also making him feel needed. Guys always have to feel they are needed by us and that we have to rely on them-contributes to their self-worth. GL, it can be sooo difficlult when your partner doesn't understand

[clarabell]

Hi thank you all for your support. I do agree with you all and know I cannot loose my family over my own selfish desires. I just pray that maybe one day my dream might come true if this is my destiny. I know my Dh worries about money and other practical reasons. I have to now pretend I'm all ok and it's gone away. I know this GD will always be there but I have to learn to deal with it for all our sakes . I have good times and bad. Glad you all understand. Thanks for the support x