Vent- heavy hearted

[Lassie1982]

Hugs hun

I understand how you feel, I have those kind of thoughts to

I really hope you get your little pink bundle, you seem to be such a caring and selfless person
I know its been a long road for you with TTC - wishing and hoping your BFP is just around the corner.

hang in there!! No matter how dark the long and dark night, the dawn will always break xo

[Mrs_P]

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." !

oh i love this - someone say this to me in the days before my scan!!!!!!

The stats are great for clomid but that kinda makes me more neverous if you know i what i mean - nothing is ever 100% unless its pgd so odds are there will be a opposite soon so i'm prob even more likely to have a boy!

[cravingsalt]

Thanks Lassie! You are such a great support, I was really hoping to be in the due date club with you and the other ladies...but my time is coming. God must be taking His time getting the right little bundle ready for our family so I'm going to try and have faith that it will happen when it is meant to happen. What control do we really have in all of this anyway? Not as much as we like to think, is my theory.

Mrs. P, I'll remind you if you remind me down the road! It's good to use on the kids too.

[jennaesue]

It is so refreshing to see you ladies typing out the thoughts that clutter up my head.

After I responded to this post the first time, I was thinking about it some more, and my thought process is so wacky. The friend I was referring to who found out she was having her second girl is now pregnant with her third girl, but I wasn't upset about that one because I knew she really wanted a boy. So I should be upset for her, but instead of I am kind of happy that someone else did not get what they wanted. What kind of friend is that?

But then I was thinking of anther good friend of mine who had 2 boys and then a girl, but didn't seem overly concerned about having a girl after 2 boys, and didn't seem all that excited about having a girl. I'm not sure if she censored her reaction for my benefit because she is aware of my gd at least a little bit, but I kind of realized she is "damned if you do and damned if you don't" in my eyes, because I was kind of irritated that she got the one thing I most desired and did not seem totally over the moon excited about it - like she did not appreciate this amazing gift she was just given. But then again, if she did go on and on about how wonderful it is to have girl, I would would have been upset about that, too! Oh, how it hurts inside my head sometimes.

And I am feeling kind of angry at myself right now about getting pregnant again. After ds3, I was doing really, really well with my GD and had come to accept that I was a boy mom and that was that. But know I have reopened the wound and have this huge possible disappointment in my future. I know I will love a baby boy with all my heart, but I also know it will hurt if I hear "it's a boy."

[dreamingpink77]

I'm so with you girls. I just can't understand myself sometimes. Some days I think, if it's a boy,it's gonna be ok, then at the same time I say to myself, who are you trying to fool? I'm trying to convince myself there's a boy in there and sometimes it gets difficult to me to imagine a girl. It seems that having a girl for me would be some kind of miracle, something which is impossible to happen. My friend who knew I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my DS, is always telling me, 'perhaps you'll have a girl this time' and I'm always assuring her that it's gonna be a boy. I NEED to believe it's gonna be a boy. I need to ACCEPT it now as I'm afraid I'll end up crying when I hear gynae say 'it's a BOY!'
When I see girls stuff I try to turn my face to boys stuff, but it's so natural to look at cute pink little girl things. When I see mommies with little girls I'm also asking myself 'why can't I be so lucky to have one of them too?' 'What have I done wrong not to deserve a little girl too?' I'll probably have my gender scan around Christmas time, and I'm so afraid I'm gonna ruin my Christmas holidays. Sorry girls, I must have annoyed you to death reading this...just had to share

[jennaesue]

I'm so with you girls. I just can't understand myself sometimes. Some days I think, if it's a boy,it's gonna be ok, then at the same time I say to myself, who are you trying to fool? I'm trying to convince myself there's a boy in there and sometimes it gets difficult to me to imagine a girl. It seems that having a girl for me would be some kind of miracle, something which is impossible to happen. My friend who knew I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my DS, is always telling me, 'perhaps you'll have a girl this time' and I'm always assuring her that it's gonna be a boy. I NEED to believe it's gonna be a boy. I need to ACCEPT it now as I'm afraid I'll end up crying when I hear gynae say 'it's a BOY!'
When I see girls stuff I try to turn my face to boys stuff, but it's so natural to look at cute pink little girl things. When I see mommies with little girls I'm also asking myself 'why can't I be so lucky to have one of them too?' 'What have I done wrong not to deserve a little girl too?' I'll probably have my gender scan around Christmas time, and I'm so afraid I'm gonna ruin my Christmas holidays. Sorry girls, I must have annoyed you to death reading this...just had to share

I understand completely what you are saying. It seems so easy for other people to have a girl without a second thought, but for us it seems like an impossibility. But I will say, in your case, I think you have a better chance for a girl only having one boy. For those of us with 2, 3, 4 or more boys, it starts to seem even more impossible.

Also, I really, really, REALLY wanted ds2 to be a girl, but I can honestly say that I am so glad he was a boy. He and DS1 are best buddies, and I cannot adequately express how awesome the brother relationship is. So if your baby does turn out to be a boy, you have that to look forward to.

[OneLastDream]

I am so glad I am not the only one who has these thoughts whizzing around my head all the time!!! I wish I totally didn't care whether we had a boy or girl and keep trying to prepare myself to hear boy but I know I will be disappointed for a while. I have an obsession in supermarkets at looking at people's shopping to see what girl mums and boy mums are eating!!! Am sure will get arrested one day for invading people's privacy!!!!!

[Mrs_P]

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

[coocoobananas]

Ms P I'm still struggling. Today I've been thinking I need to talk with someone or take something. I am so sad to let this dream go yet I can't even put my finger on why I need it so bad. I think for part of me the failure of not getting what I worked so hard for is the difficult part too. Like you said, the if you try hard enough you will succeed. My pregnancies seem insufferable on their own and I thought it would be worth it in the end but now I'm having a hard time convincing myself. I went into this thinking surely when he came I'd fill complete because 3 was my limit but now I am afraid I will be a little sad forever. I wish I could get over myself with all the things happening in the world and people losing their babies.
I really hope for you that you get your girl. It would be really unfair with 3 boys to not get your turn. I myself am too scared to take the chance again. I love my boys and I know I'll love this one when he gets here, but this void this painful void, ah it hurts so bad. The weather doesn't help the mood either, I just want to be done so I start being a good mom again!!

[coocoobananas]

Sorry ms P I didn't really support you, I just went on my own tangent. I'm going to reply again on a hopefully more positive day I do have those