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  1. #11
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    LacePrincess's Avatar
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    Thanks, fairy. Your kind words help a lot!

    I'm just super frustrated and kinda pissed that this is happening around the holidays. I freaking love Christmas, dammit, and I hate that it's ruining it this year! SUCKS!

    I did go back on my Zoloft a few months ago but unfortunately I think it's doing weird things this time around. Which means I'm back to having to figure out the right med. ARGH. I think I'm in a med-induced 'mixed state' right now which is new to me and really is hard. The only thing keeping me hanging on is being there for my kids. I'm thankful that I've btdt so I know this isn't ME, it's the illness. Still stinks though.

    I think you're very, very wise to limit yourself to the 6 weeks. Alas, I'm more stubborn than you, lol, it's the boy mom thing and I just don't want to give up the dream! But I have relaxed a lot more on the diet and we're giving up frequency. I really hope I get the egg this month and can go back to my healthier eating ways and kick this stupid depression.
    Me (38) and DH (38)

    SAHM military momma to DS1 (2004), DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006), DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)

    early m/c Jan 2013

    Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
    FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.

    May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
    July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 - 6w4d
    Dec 21 2015 - mmc 7w1d

    Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
    Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.

    June 3, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
    Sep 1, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 8w.

    Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.

  2. #12
    Moderator
    LacePrincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
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    I've started a new thread on this stuff for anyone who's interested in joining in and sharing/commiserating/looking for some company:

    http://genderdreaming.com/forum/chit...razypants.html
    Me (38) and DH (38)

    SAHM military momma to DS1 (2004), DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006), DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)

    early m/c Jan 2013

    Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
    FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.

    May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
    July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 - 6w4d
    Dec 21 2015 - mmc 7w1d

    Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
    Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.

    June 3, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
    Sep 1, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 8w.

    Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by LacePrincess View Post
    Thanks, fairy. Your kind words help a lot!

    I'm just super frustrated and kinda pissed that this is happening around the holidays. I freaking love Christmas, dammit, and I hate that it's ruining it this year! SUCKS!

    I did go back on my Zoloft a few months ago but unfortunately I think it's doing weird things this time around. Which means I'm back to having to figure out the right med. ARGH. I think I'm in a med-induced 'mixed state' right now which is new to me and really is hard. The only thing keeping me hanging on is being there for my kids. I'm thankful that I've btdt so I know this isn't ME, it's the illness. Still stinks though.

    I think you're very, very wise to limit yourself to the 6 weeks. Alas, I'm more stubborn than you, lol, it's the boy mom thing and I just don't want to give up the dream! But I have relaxed a lot more on the diet and we're giving up frequency. I really hope I get the egg this month and can go back to my healthier eating ways and kick this stupid depression.
    It really isn't fair! I would probably be more hard core if I hadn't already had one girl. My kids are my ground. When I start getting crazy I meditate on every time they smiled or laughed. It has actually prevented me from crossing the line of no return. I will pray that you get your girl BFP this month so that you can move to a happier place.
    Me (37) DH (37)
    Home schooling mom to (16) (12) (9) (5) (2)
    TTC June 2013

  4. #14
    Moderator
    LacePrincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,930
    Quote Originally Posted by fairyfrog View Post
    It really isn't fair! I would probably be more hard core if I hadn't already had one girl. My kids are my ground. When I start getting crazy I meditate on every time they smiled or laughed. It has actually prevented me from crossing the line of no return. I will pray that you get your girl BFP this month so that you can move to a happier place.
    Yes! This!

    Omg, thank's for posting this fairy. I honestly can't hear it enough at this point.

    I'm very thankful that DS3 is still young enough to be home all day, being 'mom' and 'happy and loving' for him is the only thing that's keeping me hanging on. I hate this illness, I hate how it likes to eat your brain and how even though you KNOW better it's so difficult to see around the deception in your mind.

    It's so beyond bizarre. It's like the Matrix, yk? You know it's not real, but it's damned convincing, and omg does the illness ever lie convincingly.

    Ugh, I tried to type out what I'm going through right now but I don't think I'll do it here. I can't deal with judgement and this stuff being on a public forum, it sounds too nutty to someone who hasn't been in our heads. Suffice it to say that I'm grateful that the motherly instinct is stronger than the crazy.
    Me (38) and DH (38)

    SAHM military momma to DS1 (2004), DS2 (who's all boy but loves to dance, though not in a tutu!) (2006), DS3 (2009), and our rainbow baby girl DD1 (2017)

    early m/c Jan 2013

    Cycle #1 @ HRC (Oct 2014) - 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized and biopsied. 1XX and 1XY abnormal. 1XX no DNA found, rebiopsied and found normal, frozen.
    FET attempt #1 (Nov 2014) - cancelled due to functional cyst. FET attempt #2 (Jan 30, 2015) - NT. Remaining embie failed to thaw.

    May 2015 - started infertility treatments at OFC. Femara 2.5mg
    July 2015 - BFP after second round of Femara. Aug 4 2015 - 6w4d
    Dec 21 2015 - mmc 7w1d

    Apr 2016 - IVF Cycle #2. Converted to IUI because of uneven response and leading follicles.
    Apr 19, 2016 - IUI with 3 mature follicles (2 right, 1 left), post wash: 17mil, 94% motility and 89% rapid motility. BFN.

    June 3, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 5w.
    Sep 1, 2016 - 5mg Femara cycle. 8w.

    Our rainbow baby girl arrived on Mon Aug 28, 2017 - "After every storm comes a rainbow". We are so thankful and grateful for every moment.

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