Ow. Ow. Ow. This GD stuff HURTS.

[Adia]

little_quickstepper, I am glad your DH is so supportive, that makes all the difference, doesn't it? My DH was devastated, just like I was when we found out about DD3, but he got over it and makes a point to tell people how much he loves being daddy to three girls.

Gender disappointment can spoil so much but you will find a way to get your heart's desire. Hang in there and remember a lot of us, like me, know how you feel. Hugs....

RKT Mama - how do you do it? Working in a maternity ward with GD? You have some strong nerves!! I hope you have a girl in there! Next time, stick your tongue out at the crazy old ladies with the unwanted comments.

[RKT Mama]

Adia- I have worked in Maternity units since before I had kids ( or GD). One thing it teaches you is perspective. GD can make you feel like you are the only person in the world that has 2/3/4/5 kids of the same gender or something bad happening but I see so many stories where good things happen to good people and bad things happen to good people. Or terrible parents land up with healthy babies but also get sick, deformed or dead babies. The world is not fair but its also not aimed just at any one person. I have to deal with my own demons.
That said I tried to convince a mum that didn't want her baby girl to give her to me a few years back. She gave her to another family in the end and that was really hard to watch.

[little_quickstepper]

Wow, seeing anyone give their baby away must be hard to watch.

[RKT Mama]

I think adoptions are pretty amazing, it's an incredible sacrifice to make. The ones I hate are the babies that are uplifted by CYF ( our version of Child Protective services) and the mothers are left screaming and banging on doors while the baby is taken away. Even if you know it is best for the baby.

[Adia]

I still think you have some seriously strong nerves and constitution to be anywhere near all of that RKT Mama.

And I do agree, you see both the good, bad, and the ugly and you know full well that the heartache of life isn't aimed at any one person, even if it feels that way.

My hat is off to you girl!!!

[HopingWishingPraying]

Thank you for all the responses, sorry I havent been back to this thread for a while. Little quickstepper I really feel for you. I think the reactions you have had (initial shock, needing to take some time out from your kids, making plans for the future) are all very normal responses for someone who is going through real grief. I went through all the same things when I found out my full on IG sway for DS 3 had not worked. It is a horrible way to feel and so hard that it often feels there is no way out of it. I heard a phrase recently which was "dont let comparison steal your joy" and I am actively trying that at the moment... it is hard... but I am trying not to let comparing my family to others steal the joy of what I already have (which is wonderful). It is working a bit. In regards to your question about me finding out the gender, I simply just cant. The simple thought of going through the post-scan experience I had with my DS3 sends me into absolute panic attacks. There is no way I can be brave enough to walk into a scanning room and willingly put myself through that again. Luckily I really love newborns and babies and am generally very very happy when I do have a newborn so I am hoping that having a beautiful baby in my arms will help me if this is a boy (I am sure it will be). I am trying to prepare myself for that eventuality as much as possible. I found out at birth with DS2 and ultrasound withDS3 and found birth much easier (although I am aware that it gets harder with every baby that is closer to the "end of the line" with no baby of one's DG. I hope that things get easier for you. After finding out about DS3 the next 12 weeks were pure hell for me - it got a bit easier after that and a lot easier when he was in my arms. I hope it gets easier for you soon. You are in my thoughts.

RKT I feel for you and know what you are going through with someone you dont like potentially getting your DG. I often feel that certain people I hear of (who mistreat their children etc) were unworthy of getting a girl and I feel totally ripped off. I often feel like the universe gave them "my girl". One thing I have started doing to turn that thought around is asking myself- if I am wishing that the universe gave me her baby... how would I feel about that if that meant my baby boy was given to her instead. Obviously I can never stand to think of someone I strongly dislike "getting" one of my boys and I end up thinking it is better that I have the babies I was given. It sounds totally and utterly naff, but as a coping strategy it is one that seems to work for me and stops me thinking too much about how other people have "stolen" my girl out of the universe somehow. You must be a strong person to work in a maternity unit with GD. I also work with babies and it ishard to constantly see other people getting what you desire so much. When you say that you are too scared to go to your anatomy scan... are you still planning on going? Are you going to ask to find out the gender? I am not getting a 12 week scan because I am too scared of seeing a boy nub but havent yet formulated my coping strategies for getting through the 20 week anatomy scan... gulp! Knowing myself very well, I am sure even if I dont see anything I will convince myself somehow that I accidentally saw boy bits. I am trying to prepare myself for the anxiety. I would like to not look at the screen at all but it would look very strange to the sonographer!

[RKT Mama]

I will have anatomy scan. I think it is important to know if baby has major abnormalities as our hospital is not set up for very sick babies. I am not sure I will ask for the sex. If I see something I know I am interpreting it rather than the sonographer so I could be wrong and I can keep hoping.
Would like to know if it is a girl as I have everything for a boy but less for a girl.
A few things like the pink baby hammock would be better set up in advance if I could.
I can't handle my DH being lovely and sweet and supportive which he will be and as I will only have one scan unless there is a problem, I can't avoid him coming along.
But I have access to an ultrasound machine at work, although I have no training, so I am going to try work it out so I have time to process. So far trying to not find a penis is a bit challenging but will see how it goes.

[HopingWishingPraying]

Best of luck RKT Mama, I hope you see a healthy pink bundle in there!

[mumof6]

i know how you feel here too
i have six boys and is just absolutely heart wrenching when we find out our friends and family are having girls and we have all these boys
people dont seem to get it they are heartless and cruel to the point i feel like i want nothing to do with their children either and tend to hold myself back from them
i just cant bring myself to be happy or cheery for them because to be quite honest i feel resentful that it's so easy for them to have a girl but yet after six kids we havent even got one. i know that sounds awful and i must really sound like a bitch but i cant help how i feel


we have swayed hard got boys, not swayed and got boys so we are doing a very light sway this time and i am sure it will be another boy when i finally do get pg.
we are on our 12th cycle and still no pregnancy which is strange for us as i always get pregnant within the first 3 months of ttc.
we love our boys and wouldnt change them but i cant seem to let go of the thought of having my own little girl one day - i'm just fooling myself i know but if it doesnt work this one last time i'm done.
we arent finding out as i dont think i can cope with hearing it's a boy or seeing boy parts on US but i do know at birth hearing "it's a boy" and seeing the baby it will be different. i have very strong GD when i was preg with my fifth son and as soon as he was born it all changed and he absolutely made me melt

it makes me sick to think that it seems everyone else can have a balanced family but us!! all i want is one girl and that is all i have ever wanted
i have never expressed my feelings to anyone but my husband and on here and when people ask me if i want a girl or are we going to try for a girl i say politely "no, we are happy with boys"

wow i sound like i'm completely crazy dont i lol

[pebmcpd7]

i know how you feel here too
i have six boys and is just absolutely heart wrenching when we find out our friends and family are having girls and we have all these boys
people dont seem to get it they are heartless and cruel to the point i feel like i want nothing to do with their children either and tend to hold myself back from them
i just cant bring myself to be happy or cheery for them because to be quite honest i feel resentful that it's so easy for them to have a girl but yet after six kids we havent even got one. i know that sounds awful and i must really sound like a bitch but i cant help how i feel


we have swayed hard got boys, not swayed and got boys so we are doing a very light sway this time and i am sure it will be another boy when i finally do get pg.
we are on our 12th cycle and still no pregnancy which is strange for us as i always get pregnant within the first 3 months of ttc.
we love our boys and wouldnt change them but i cant seem to let go of the thought of having my own little girl one day - i'm just fooling myself i know but if it doesnt work this one last time i'm done.
we arent finding out as i dont think i can cope with hearing it's a boy or seeing boy parts on US but i do know at birth hearing "it's a boy" and seeing the baby it will be different. i have very strong GD when i was preg with my fifth son and as soon as he was born it all changed and he absolutely made me melt

it makes me sick to think that it seems everyone else can have a balanced family but us!! all i want is one girl and that is all i have ever wanted
i have never expressed my feelings to anyone but my husband and on here and when people ask me if i want a girl or are we going to try for a girl i say politely "no, we are happy with boys"

wow i sound like i'm completely crazy dont i lol

Ditto mum of 6!!