In defense of boys

[trifecta]

Finally I snapped and texted "Well you're lucky-- you'll have one of each to compare!" I haven't heard from her since.

I think your response was perfect and evidently it shut her up so that's even better!

[hotdogz&boyz]

I feel badly for people who think it is "what's between the legs" that makes a person. I wonder if they ever look around them and realize there are millions of different types of men who obviously did not ALL start off as rough, mean, loud children. It's what's between their ears that make them who they are, nothing to do with their biological sex genes.

I always wanted boys and girls. No preference in order or amounts, as long as I got one of each. And I am blessed and lucky to be getting just "what I wanted" as I have two sons and a daughter on the way. But it MADDENS me when I hear people talk negatively about either gender. My two boys...NOTHING alike. Not a thing. One is quiet, thoughtful, emotional, and fairly artistic. He can argue with you like no other, kid is gonna be a lawyer or a politician. He is not terribly affectionate but prefers independent play and any task that requires details or organization. Even THINK about raising your voice to him and he is a puddle on the floor. My other is a ball of white tornado who destroys all in his path, loves screeching at the top of his lungs, and couldn't care less if I scream bloody murder at him to stop laying on the dog. He is incredibly affectionate and would live his life curled in my lap if there were not so many things to investigate. He loves social scenes and is right there to be the first in the mud, puddle, dirt, snow, etc, etc. CLEARLY you can draw no conclusions in regards to the fact they are boys. It has to do with who they are as people.

My daughter...so far she is my most insane baby in utero and generally loves to give the techs/nurses a hard time when trying to locate a heartbeat or get a picture of a certain organ. I tease that she is gonna a handful. And ya know, she could easily be 1000 times more rough, active, and loud compared to either of my sons. She could be an emotional basket case as well...as everyone likes to tell you is a girl trait. But ask my mom who is her emotional basket case. She will tell you that she gave birth to a girl who is alike in nature to her youngest son. And that her middle child, a boy, is her "girl" of the group.

I love your retort and I am glad you made her realize that she is blessed to even have the opportunity to raise one of each sex. I certainly hope she doesn't assume any differences between them are gender related. Because I can assure you, as can prolly most woman in here with multiple children of one gender (which is a high proportion)...there are so many things that are easy to brush off as gender-related, when you only have one of each. But they are actually just a personality trait, which probably would have been passed regardless of which sex chromosome was given.

[Cinss]

People irl can be so strange, i love coming on this forum to hear about how sweet and fun boys can be, we tried for so long and swayed out butts off to get this little guy, and mothers irl keep telling me i dont know what im in for, he's going to do this and that (naughty stuff) like WTF how do you know what MY son is going to be like!??!?

[motherofboys]

I always wanted boys first. As the oldest with only younger brothers I felt I had to protect them and I didn't have a great time growing up and used to wish I had a big brother who when he realised what was wrong, didn't sit back scared and let me protect him but stood up for me and made it stop.
I wanted at least 2 boys as well, so having 3 was fine by me. Its just that this could be the last chance, we planned 1 more after this but DH has changed his mind and I'm hoping he will change it back but if he doesn't this is our last chance and thats made me want this one to be a girl.

[BZ94]

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I was afraid that I'd sound over-sensitive but you all "get" it.

My friend's response just confirms that suspicion I've always had that she thinks her daughter (who, seriously, has zero personality) is better than my crazy boys. I tend to avoid get togethers with her that involve our kids because I don't want her judgement. I was secretly hoping she'd have a boy next because I wanted her to understand that a.crazy kids don't mean I'm doing something wrong and b.boys are just as good as girls!

When I first found out that DS1 was a boy I worried that I wouldn't feel a "connection" with him and he's the biggest momma's boy ever - loves to cuddle and is into going to the theater and doing dress up and acting stuff out. When I found out DS2 was a boy I was worried that I wouldn't love him as much because it would be more of the same and he's totally his own little guy -- into trains and trucks. I never thought I'd be interested in that stuff (I'm pretty girly) but I find myself getting weirdly excited when I pass a dump truck or excavator (I can't believe I know what an excavator is). Even though I've been disappointed about DS3 (due in June) I know that I'll love him as much as I love the other two and that he'll probably come with his own passions and interests totally different from his brothers (sports?). And even though theres been more of a "learning curve" when it comes to raising boys, I honestly think I'd be bored to death playing princess and tea party. I wanted a girl for other reasons, most of which I've found I can get through my boys.

I know part of me is jealous of those who get one of each because they get, in my opinion, to experience everything. But I just wish this friend, who'd previously had a mc trying to conceive her second, would have acted more excited about her son. I've also had my SIL say she'd only have a third if she could have another girl (she has one of each) and it makes me feel instantly protective of my sweet little nephew, and I've overheard an acquaintance say she doesn't care what she gets now that she has her girl. I'm sure I would have felt those things too, but it still burns me up when I people say them around me.

[Satox3]

Smog!! Love it. I dont think youre being sensitive at all... some people are just really ignorant, smug, and rude. I had a friend who was pregnant with her first at the time tell me that she only wanted girls. Because she wouldn't know what to do with boys... They looked smelly all the time... And too misbehaved/high maintainence, from what she knew of the ones in her family. Plus little girls are cuter. Sigh. I flat out told her that her nephews weren't smelly looking, misbehaved and high maintenance/clingy because they had a penis. It was because of the parenting. I hate to say this... Because I hate to toot my own horn... But my child is well behaved, low maintenance/not at all clingy, and very clean looking ... More so than her daughter even.

[Funkyfry]

SMOG- love it!! I have two ds and would love a dd but don't understand how mothers with dd don't want ds? I would presume its natural to desire at least one of each? My friend has two dd and always says she would not go again as she would be afraid the next might be a ds ? I find it so hurtful

[BZ94]

Thanks again for the replies, and understanding. Had lunch with the friend who's expecting a DS after her DD and she brought along her 3.5 yr old DD (my boys were home with dad). While very well behaved, her DD is also painfully shy and wouldn't even look me in the eye or respond to anything I said to her (and she's known me her whole life). I decided that I'd rather have my crazy boys who at least are extremely friendly and easy to talk to than her practically mute DD. And now I can understand why she's nervous -- she won't know what to do with a child who is actually breathing.

In the meantime another friend just announced she's having a DD - her first. I wish it didn't sting or that I wasn't jealous when I see her post on FB the cute clothes she went out and bought after her ultrasound. She struggled to get pregnant and managed to act super supportive when I announced I was expecting #3 even though she was going through her second round of IUI and getting discouraged. I also think a DD is perfect for her because she only wants one child and has never really been a kid person -- just decided a year or two ago when she met her DH that she wanted kids. Still, I can't help but feel like anyone who doesn't have at least one DS feels superior when their daughter is sitting still and "cooperating" and my boys are jumping on the furniture.

I'm hoping when I see my beautiful DS #3's face I'll forget all about my GD and embrace my family of all-boys.

[KidAtHeart]

You will embrace your family of three boys. I don't think it took me all that long to get used to having three boys (it's so cute to see boys be tender towards an itty bitty baby) - it was always more the desire to parent a girl. The three boys are darling together (when they're not fighting - ha!), and are actually pretty easy. They all like legos, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. Most nights we find at least two of them sleeping together. They look after each other. Once you get to know your DS3, he will fit right into your family and you'll wonder what life was like before he came along.

[Mrs_Incredible]

I have 3 sons, and fear i would have been subconsciously a smog had i had a girl first time round (ashamed to admit but it's true). I always wanted daughters, still do, but my 3 boys are so different so I'm thankful they've taught me so much. I fell in love with each of them instantly. Its the bickering that gets to me, but that's kids, personalities and age gaps, not gender.
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