GD is Destroying My Marriage

[BabyGirl4Me]

Your post hit me as it hit so many others. We ladies here are in many ways real soul-sisters I like to picture the globe at night with thousands of tiny lights spread all over, in clusters and far apart, each being one of us "lonely" with our dreams, but connected here. Its so good not to be completely alone Hugs to you all!
Mathilde

What a beautiful and comforting thought Mathilde. Thank you so much!

[BabyGirl4Me]

Coralsky - thanks for your follow up post. I am doing okay-ish today. I'm grateful that the not knowing ends in 8 days from now for me...but I'm still afraid. DS has been so miserable lately and it's not helping things at all. I'm sure that's why I've been so on edge lately.

It is sad that some medical professionals don't understand GD, nor care to understand it. From what I've read, it sounds like people seeking help for GD (no where near as severe as mine I think) basically get lumped into a category where they are convinced that you were abused as a child and the GD is a result of that. I really don't think a counselor will help me because the only thing that will cure my GD is getting a daughter. Talk therapy is not going to make me feel better about not having one so I pray that the news will be good for me when I go for my scan.

I'm sure GD is not a new thing at all, but I think in this day and age as we as society continue to lift the veil around topics considered "taboo" so to speak, people are starting to be a little more open and honest about it.

Personally I don't think DH is angry at himself because of our last baby being a boy at all or he can't "fix" this. He is convinced this baby is a girl so he kind of already sees this as a non issue and is confident we'll hear girl next Friday. As for me, I really don't know. Some of the OWTs are pointing toward boy, others toward girl. Deep in my heart I'm so afraid of this baby still I really don't know what to think.

I guess at this point, what I really *want* to do is find out I'm having a daughter, put GD behind me once and for all, and start working on making my marriage better and focusing energy on what I care about instead of feeling completely horrible and worthless as a human being because I am missing my daughter so badly.

I will definitely post the results and pictures of my scan, good or bad, as soon as I possibly can. Probably Friday night but the following Tuesday at the latest depending on our traveling schedule. We'll be out of town for a few days. Thanks again coralsky - you are a very kind and compassionate person. I really appreciate your kindness.

[I Love Ladybugs]

BG4me...I was out of town when you posted this thread in this forum, so I only got to read it last night. Many hugs for you....and I pray that you do hear girl.
I am waiting for an u/s next Tuesday, just to make sure that baby is ok, it is stressful being patient!! I too know the emotional toll that gender expectations and pregnancy loss have taken on our marriage...but have hope and faith that you will come through it stronger.

Fingers crossed for a speedy week and dreams of pink!!!!

[coralsky]

Hi BG4M, I read your post yesterday, but my internet has been playing up loads so never got a chance to reply.

So glad you are doing a little better, and I am hoping your DH has a sixth sense or maybe "male intuition" about the baby's gender!....I cant believe you will know in 1wk....although I know 7days must seem like an eternity at the moment!!...I will keep praying & crossing fingers, legs & toes for you to hear pink, and please do let us know as soon as you can.

I am at the moment in 2ww from 1st attempt, and it seems like an eternity too so I know how bad the waiting game is!!...Mind you IF I get BFP (which I suppose is unlikely first try) then I will probably be climbing the walls and counting the days/hours/minutes until I can find out gender too LOL!!

If I had any pink dust I would send you it!!...but will send some sticky pink vibes instead!!....good luck & fingers crossed xxx

[BabyGirl4Me]

Oh Ladybugs you are such a sweetheart. Thanks so much for your well wishes. I hope everything goes great at your scan and hopefully you'll have some girly looking nubs to post to the ultrasound forum! I think DH and I are going to be OK in the end no matter what happens, but one road will be much more smooth sailing than the other...so I'm praying for the smooth sailing road with a pink bundle in the future. He's been in a better mood because he has some time off work coming up.

Coralsky - thanks again for another post. I am starting to feel a bit better. At this point, the way I see it, I'll know in 6 days. That in itself is helping me feel better. The waiting game is almost over.Sorry to hear you're in 2WW land. Did you sway? I was a OHW and totally didn't expect it as I used Aci-Jel pretty close to our attempt and expected BFN that month, but turned out I got a BFP. I ate a lot of good food that day after months of LE, LOL. Thanks again and fingers crossed for you too for a BFP! <3

[I Love Ladybugs]

BG4me....I will be lucky Tuesday if they let me watch the screen...with DS2, I had 2 early scans due to bleeding and it was against policy to see the screen and I had to wait until 19 weeks to see him. He was amazing then and even more so now....I was BLESSED over and over with my DS2!!!! I will find out in about 9-10 weeks if my sway worked, but I am choosing to let go of the pink dream and if it happens, I would be over the moon, and if not....my little Christmas star will join us. I am trying so hard to not let worry that something is amiss with my little one...so I am choosing to live in the moment this weekend especially.

Little pink brick road.....you will know so soon!!!

[coralsky]

Hi BG4M, yes I did sway, I have a personalised plan, and atomic has been fab at supporting & helping me...we did do quite a few tactics 1st month tho...so I am thinking a BFP is unlikely! I am 9dpo (I think, or possibly only 8dpo) and no BFP yet, but it is early...but I really don't think its going to happen this month...that's ok though, as then I can decide which tactics to drop & which to keep next month...I should know for definite one way or the other by the time you have your scan, fingers crossed for both of us xxx

[BabyGirl4Me]

Hi BG4M, yes I did sway, I have a personalised plan, and atomic has been fab at supporting & helping me...we did do quite a few tactics 1st month tho...so I am thinking a BFP is unlikely! I am 9dpo (I think, or possibly only 8dpo) and no BFP yet, but it is early...but I really don't think its going to happen this month...that's ok though, as then I can decide which tactics to drop & which to keep next month...I should know for definite one way or the other by the time you have your scan, fingers crossed for both of us xxx

I didn't think I'd get BFP my 1st month either but here I am! Hope you get lucky and have a sticky PINK bean in there now.

Thanks to all you lovely ladies for being such good friends! We're going out of town for a few days so I'll be offline but thinking of all of you!

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge (((hugs))), my heart aches for you gals with strong gender pref. from the first baby because I just hate it that you don't ever get to have the pregnancy excitement free from GD.

I have a good friend who had terrible GD with her first son and what she said is, "I don't think having a daughter will make me be happy, but I do think that I will never be happy without a daughter."

My take has always been that happiness is what you make of it, but I agree that it can be REALLY hard when your husband is not even a little bit supportive of GD. It's hard not to compare when you see people with husbands willing to go through a lot for their wives to get their DG, but at the same time, I always try to see it from their perspective as well and think, well, if my husband was super upset over having a daughter I would be upset and feel justified in it as well. I think it's hard not to take it personally when our spouse doesn't want the offspring that is the same gender that we are if that makes any kind of sense.

I hope that you ahve a girl of course, but I do want to let you know, having two boys is really AWESOME - I've done it twice now and both times it has been rewarding. You are at a hard point with a toddler right now, I promise it gets easier and as they turn into people it is a lot easier going.

I was just thinking the other day how much I dislike the toddler years, and I got my DD!! It isn't any easier just because it's a girl, there's still the crying and throwing fits and getting into everything from about 9 months - 3 1/2 or so. I think a lot of these feelings are just pregnancy hormones and the normal strugges that we all go through with little ones.

[JenB17]

Hi BabyGirl4Me,
I can COMPLETELY understand what you are going through and you shouldnt feel bad - we can't control the way we feel! I have been down your road and to be honest I could have written it myself! Its hard with the DH because they are like your best friend and you want to be able to confide in them, but its hard when they dont understand. Maybe one way to get around the crying thing is to just explain that your hormones are raging and uncontrolable and that you don't even know why you're upset! Also, running around after other kids is tiring without being pregnant, which can set you off more too!
I had GD when I was pregnant with my DS2 as all my pregnant friends had girls second time round and I was the ONLY ONE having a second boy. I found that quite hard - until, my DS2 personality started to shine. Boy oh boy what a fantastic delight he is!! HE makes me so so happy and is just a little cracker. I couldnt and wouldn't want to imagine life without him. Also, the way he and DS1 play together melts my heart. Certainly wouldn't be the same bond with different genders. I now will forever feel guilty at my GD as I wouldnt trade in having two boys for anything in the world.
If you have swayed girl, then the odds are on that you have done something more than 50% to help your chances. At the moment it is all just apprehension. And without having met he/she it is easy to have other weird feelings like GD - but, i can assure you, even if you have a boy, and you suffer GD for the REST of the pregnancy-you would LOVE having two boys.
As Atomic said - its just awesome!!
I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you hear girl - pls update us. And feel free to vent as much as you need. All of us here understand, or we wouldn't be here in the first place!!
Take Care and try not to beat yourself up. xxx