would this offend you?

[Mrs_P]

my personal opinion would be that nothing is out of gods reach, ivf pgd maybe immoral to a few people but that does not mean god is against it (not that i know he is for it either?!?) but at the end of the day although you are expressing a preference gender wise its not a guarantee that you get pregnant with that child (some get none to transfer, some don't cycle, some get bfn's, some miscarry, very occasionally there are opposites - there are plenty of ways for god to intervene if that baby is not 'a part of the plan') anyways and whose to say thats not the child you wouldn't have received if you'd tried naturally either (a lot of girls get their dg after failed ivf) - it may all be mean't to be anyway. At some point we were given the ability to carry this process out, maybe these babies are all part of the plan too in there own way.

Every medical invention could be seen as against gods plan by some, but maybe the knowledge is a gift instead. People are very quick to judge what they do not understand or experience, if this 'friend' cannot support you is she really someone you need in your life?

Charlee i think your dads response was imed at you not your baby, my family was the same with ds3, i think its just cause they were disappointed for me as they knew how much i wanted it and they all loved me - they have all loved and accepted my little man without question or hesitation, he is as special to them as the others are, i think people just don't know how to handle things sometimes.

[HelsBells]

Hlmcdaniels - I do understand why your friends opinion offended you. But, playing devils advocate here, I doubt she meant to offend you. The fact is, people who have not experienced GD just don't get it, they can't. Before I had children, I just kind of assumed I'd get boys and girls. So maybe your friend just has never really given gender selection much thought and that was just her gut reaction. I mentioned it to an obstetrician colleague once and she just blurted out "but that's awful." She clearly is way behind the times.
I'm just hopeful that in our lifetime, attitudes to gender selection for family balacing will be more open. In the mean time, unless we choose to be super secretive, we will just have to put up with narrow minded views.
I do also think, that as your friend, she should try hard to see things from your point of view, which she didnt and it sounds as though she was being judgemental, which she has no right to do. So I don't blame you at all if you decided to cancel on her!

[ELP]

How many children does she have? Some people generally cannot contemplate anything that is outside of their own box ie well we couldnt afford 4 kids so its not possible, or wanting to guarantee your family balancing, well I had to take what I was given why shouldnt you, a little bit of knee jerk envy on her part perhaps?? I would have the dinner on Thursday just to see if she brings it up, stay cool and calm and have your answers ready

[Mum to three girls]

Sometimes the most hurtful comments wound us because they touch a nerve. Do you have any HT misgivings or doubts? If/when you've 100% made up your mind I think you'll be less bothered by what other people think or say.

There's a mum at the school my daughters are at who has openly expressed her disapproval at the idea of a big family - she has one daughter. Her various reasons for why she's happy with one and thinks one is "better" don't bother me at all because I always wanted loads of kids.

[jacquelineh]

When my DH's mom found out our first was a girl, her response was "well, at least it's only your first and you have more tries." No congrats or anything. I know they sometimes mean well, but geeze, keep your opinions to yourself people!

[Adia]

thank you all ladies, i'm still very pissed off and I know I shouldn't be because I shouldn't be getting upset while pregnant.. I may just "cancel" dinner Thursday hehe

IMO, I think we need to set firm limits to keep our GD in check. GD can easily consume us when we are bombarded with lame comments, hanging out with people who have our DG, etc.

If it was me, I would cancel dinner or bring more people, or make a list of things to talk about and keep changing the subject when baby stuff comes up, etc.

That is how I cope. I spend minimal time on FB because it always agitates my GD. WHen I do get on there and I find myself GD flaring up, I get off. Just one of my coping methods.

Do what works for you and helps you have a good day/week/month in the long run. Someone's comments, as much as we have the choice to choose our reactions, can still sting for a while.

[HopeandDreamG]

If it works out for you through ivf isn't that gods plan, didn't god put doctors on earth as part of the "plan" (not that I do or do not believe this myself ) I make decisions about my life not based on anyones plan for me- i pursue what's right for me and my family regardless- my point is- is that your friends point is moot.

I have not told anyone except dh and my mother about ivf. #1 i have not decided how or if i will tell the baby. Until i decide with certainty the baby will know no one else should know. I think you should ask yourself why are you sharing this? R you looking for support? To me I don't need anyone's support other then dh. To me there is nothing gained whatsoever by sharing this information. Just my opinion. everyone seems to have something to say about everything (as I am doing right now) lol!

[hotdogz&boyz]

Whenever someone uses the rationale of "gods plan," I want to smack them. No matter what the circumstances. Because HOW do they know that it ALL isn't gods plan, including IVF, PGD, and the twelve technologies we have yet to develop? How do they know that god isn't present in the choice and execution of PGD? Or, why would we have free will if he didnt intend us to make choices and do things he would or wouldn't do?

I think of it like this "If we only rely on gods plan...does that mean if someone breaks their ankle, we just leave it how it is and let them live their life with a broken and badly mended ankle? Because if we set it and cast it and let it heal properly, that is interfering with "gods plan" of a broken ankle." Silly, right? We fix the ankle so that person can live a fulfilling, healthy life...as god wishes us to (for those who believe that way).

And I agree with those who said it really hit hard because of our own insecurities. Most GD moms have that underlying fear of "what if I am not worthy of my desired gender" or "what if I am not meant to have my desired gender." It's just a common insecurity, given we wonder WHY we haven't gotten it yet. Human nature likes to find reasons for everything. Just pure luck of the draw doesn't sit well in our orderly, reason-oriented minds. But, it's true. It's just the way the cards fall, nothing deeper than that.

I doubt the friend meant to cause such a reaction. She probably didn't think about how her words would affect you. And obviously didn't think about how her opinion factored into your plans of PGD (eh, not at all! Lol). If you don't feel like chatting with her over dinner, don't! But try not to isolate, since it can make the whole process worse. But don't interact with those who make you feel badly.

[Wanting a daughter]

My very best friend in the world doesn't agree with doing gender selection at all. But once we had the conversation and she voiced her opinion and I voiced mine, we then respected each other enough to agree to disagree and we just don't talk about it. She has still been a great support to me during this whole process and wishes me the very best of luck each time I try. She's still there by the phone when I poas and is sad for me each failure. Maybe you need to have the conversation with your friend and just get to a place where you can both say "well I see it differently to you" but not let it end the friendship. I suppose it depends a bit on how close you are and how important she is to you. Maybe she just needs to hear how much it means to you to have a daughter...??
I wouldn't cancel dinner but I would lay my cards on the table with her otherwise this will eat at you.

[hlmcdaniels]

ladies, she is single.. and probably will be for a while because she's looking for men for all of the wrong reasons which is sad(money) I kind of want to say, what if you had two boys and wanted a girl how would you feel? but I don't think she can relate because of how picky she is with men.. I am no longer asking for any other opinions.. I have my dh and mom on board and that's all that matters!!