Failed Method for a Girl

[prayforprincess]

I wish you all the luck.
Experiences in life change how you view things and desires of the heart.
When I had my 3rd son, I too thought I would never want a 4th unless it was a girl -- hence all the ivf to make it a "sure" thing.
Every second after Dylan was born was waiting for my ivf to have a daughter. And every minute after that was trying for a girl and trying for a girl. Last summer, after my last ivf -- I had to change my mind set because I had to come to grips with the fact that we could not do more ivf and if I wanted another baby it might not be a girl. That was hard -- it still is. But since then I have been trying for a BABY with hopes that its a girl.
And so many in my life wonder why I'm even still trying after all I've been through and all this time. My kids are all in school now and life is easier -- I have time to myself, you know? All wonder why I want to start over again now.
But after everything - my story just can't end with nothing -- you know? I just feel like I need another baby to have closure, and I knew with Dylan that I would have a 4th so I didn't say goodbye to babies and having children with that pg...I just assumed my next would definitely be a girl and now its 50/50 again.
But after all I have been through I realize that we are all so lucky to be able to have babies that are so healthy and happy. Getting pg so easily with my boys I took advantage of how easy it is to have a child -- because it was for me. But going through what I did I realize its not easy all the time and it certainly hasn't been easy trying for this 4th. I guess my luck ran out and I'm just hoping I'm again blessed with a beautiful child (hopefully girl) to finally complete my family.

[Beckey]

It feels so wrong to feel as I do & I'm so great full to have learnt I'm not alone. My husband keeps saying "perhaps they got the ultrasound wrong" I know they didn't, but he simply doesn't know what else to say to try & ease my pain. We have little family support & I am a working mum so 3 kids was always going to be tough... But to talk of 4 I fear will break my family & I'd never want to risk that, so I don't say much out loud. I have friends struggling to get pg at all after years, and with that in mind-how can I complain!! I had a vision of my family & now it's been changed I wish I knew how to cope & deal with that... I spoke to someone recently who said I should stop trying to be picture perfect in my mind, as from the outside looking in the picture is already perfect-there is prob a lot of truth in that!!

[Navywife620]

I can related to your post. I found out i am expecting my 3rd boy in June. I was heartbroken. Crying all the time, asking what I did wrong to not deserve a daughter. I just wanted one, that's all. It doesn't help that everyone seems to be having girls around me. It has gotten better, there is still a hole in my heart. I pray all the time that once he's born that hole will fill and I will finally feel my family is complete. I am worried if that hole doesn't fill it was drive me into trying again and that was not the plan. We wouldn't do HT and I know my husband would not agree to it.

[Beckey]

Navywife620 it sounds like we are in very similar situations...

[3boys and a VR]

Wow crazy to hear so many in my same situation! I have three boys 14, 10, and 6. After my last son my husband had a vascetomy. It was really hard to agree to since I was so devastated about not having a girl. We have recently agreed and had a reversal to try one last time for a girl. I'm trying not to get my hopes up and just know that it will be a boy so it won't be so disappointing! Not sure how that will workout! I am researching swaying just so I know I gave it all I could. Not starting to TTC until January so I can attempted to figure it all out (as much as possible).

[Mathilde]

It is wonderful to know you are not alone isn't it? My sil says it gets better with time, she gave up at three too.

[Beckey]

3boys & a VR I wish you all the best of luck!! I know I did everything to possibly get a girl & still don't understand how it's not, having to of conceived 2-3 days before ovulation-I calculated everything for 18 months!! Perhaps that's what makes it worse, we were convinced we had done everything right...
Matilde it really is nice to know your not alone, because you truly feel like you are.

[Mabel_79]

Beckey- could have written your post myself. Only just found out that I am pregnant with my third boy at my 20wk ultrasound 2 days ago.
My husband never even wanted 3 so this really was supposed to be our last. I have cried for the past 2 days (to the point my Mum tried to call the Dr as she thought I had depression or something)(She had a girl and a boy so her lack of understanding and comments like "I wouldn't have minded either way what gender I had" are not really helpful as I can't see how anyone who had both genders can possibly know that. I 'thought' I'd be OK with another boy so long as I had one more 'try'. Didn't realise how severe my reaction would be.
I applied for 3 jobs today and have started my 'saving for pdg' plan. Considering DH is convinced this is our last baby ever, my dreams are most likely just fantasy and will never happen, but I need to do something to keep myself positive or I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this.
We have a massive family reunion in 2 days time and I'm so scared that if anyone talks about the pregnancy I'm going to burst into tears (and I'm one of these people who hates portraying weakness and always likes to be the strong one who copes well with things etc). They all know it's a boy as I told my Mum and she told everyone. Got so many comments of 'sorry u didn't get your Princess' that I am already feeling the pity which I hate.
Anyway - I'm going to continue researching PDG as it's keeping my dream alive, and then hope that then DS3 is born I am so happy with my 3 boys I no longer need my girl dream. xx

[monkeysnuffer]

Wow, the tech told you like that?! Wow.

HAve you considered adoption? I know it's not for everyone but costs might be easier to get help with then IVF>

[monkeysnuffer]

Beckey -- have you looked at my sig?
I felt the same way as you when i found out my 3rd was a boy. I cried and cried at the u/s and made my dh take me to the fertility office the next town over to assure me that they would do pgd for my next baby.
I went into Dylan (my 3rd ds) believing for sure he was my last boy. I even gave away so much boy baby cloth's because for my 4th I was having a girl -- I was doing pgd so why wouldn't I? I thought it was a slam dunk. I was fertile, healthy and when I started pgd only 28 years old.
I'm now almost 31 and having done 4 IVF/PGD cycles and 1 frozen transfer cycle I still don't have my daughter and we are out over $60,000 because of it all. Not that the money is everything, but had I known it would not be successful -- there is a hell of a lot I would rather do with $60k; yet on the flip side if I had my dd, it would have been worth every penny.

I am now back at start. I know I want another baby but we just cannot move forward doing another pgd when there is no guarantee. How much money are we going to waste? At what point does one have to draw the line and say "I've tried everything I could do, if there is a God out there, he knows how badly I've tried and cried and the heartbreak I've gone through to have a daughter" --- all I have left now is to rely on faith.
There are times I still cry. There are women who have 1 cycle and are successful and I ask "why couldn't that be me?" And yet I get pregnant so easily on my own. Its just not fair.
I wanted my kids close. Like I tried my 1st ivf so that my 3rd and 4th would be 2 1/2 years apart. Now after all this trying -- if I get pregnant like this month, my 3rd and 4th will be more than 5 years apart. Its like an only child. But I tell myself if its a girl she'll be into her own things anyway.
Sometimes I tell myself that my 4th has to be a girl. After all I've been through the universe would just be cruel not to give me a dd.
My SIL just went through an IVF process (they have complications) and is pg with 1. Of course did not do pgd b/c they were not going for gender at all. But I just know it will be a girl. Like they did it once, did not even try for gender and its a girl. I did it 4/5 times!!! Its just not fair.

I guess I'm telling you all this because I don't want you to go in thinking ivf/pgd is a sure thing. Its not. Its amazing if it works but there is no guarantee it will. If your RE does not stim you right the 1st time, you won't get good enough or enough eggs -- and most RE's are conservative the 1st time because they don't know how your body will react to stims. You have to get good eggs, then hope a lot fertilize, then hope the ones that do are normal girls, and then hope those normal girls actually implant in your uterus and then hope you don't miscarry it for some unknown reason like I did. Even though all 24 chromosomes can come back normal, that doesn't mean that all the 100's of thousands of genes are perfect. That why not all "normal" embryos implant. So like: if you get 12 eggs, 8 fertilize, only 6 may live to day 5 and of 6 only 2 are normal embryos (about a 1/4 they say). They could both be boys, there could be a girl but it doesn't implant.
I'm not trying to be a pessimist. I am just trying to show you there is no "sure thing for next time" and I don't want you to get false hope like I had for next time.
I know I want another and I have to try again naturally now. I have no choice other than to rely on faith that after everything I will get my dd. And to be honest, while I will love a son more than life itself - a part of my soul and faith will be shaken..I'm not sure I'll believe in much anymore if the universe would do that to me. And that's not the little selfish girl in me whose throwing a tantrum not getting what she wants in the end, that's the part of me that knows there is only so much a person can go through and so much disappointment and heartache a person can take.
It took me 10 months to conceive after my ivf's and I couldn't have been more thrilled. I had even stopped trying and I just felt in my heart it was my daughter. Only to have just found out in May that the baby implanted in my c-section scar and was growing in my cervix. They had to bring me in for emergency surgery and cut out a part of my uterus to get the baby out or I would have died. It was devastating. They told me I could need a hysterectomy depending on how things went, which thank god I did not. And what killed was that the pathology reports came back and said the baby was totally fine and healthy -- it just implanted in the wrong place. Only 5 cases of such a thing documented in the whole country. Really?
Talk about luck. But those kind of things DO make you realize how lucky you are to have a healthy pregnancy and it Does put things into perspective. I'm just thankful I can still have another baby.
I wish you so much luck Beckey and I know you will love your little bugger - and I hope that with whatever you decide for a 4th that someday you'll either meet your dd or come to peace with the beautiful family you have. That's all we can hope for - peace in our hearts with the life we've been given...clearly, I'm still struggling with that myself.

Were you able to find out why pgd didn't work? My heart aches for you. I am in tears.