Anyone else feel they don't belong here anymore?

[KidAtHeart]

I really really think that you are better of knowing now. As hard as this is during pregnancy, with the crazy thoughts running through your head, once this baby, boy OR girl joins your family, you will have already dealt with the bulk of your gd. It will get a lot better - it just seems like an endless road now but there is a light at the end, and a very cute baby, waiting for you.

[EmmyRoo]

Thanks kidatheart, I've been wondering whether I'd have been better waiting till the birth to enjoy the pregnancy, but there are major disadvantages to "ruining" that moment too - there's no good time to hear what you don't want to hear. I am hoping to have dealt with it by the time I get to the birth, seems like a long road though.
X

[Beckey]

Your not alone. Talking to other mums in this similar situation has helped me & I hope will you too. I'm pg with my 3rd DS and a crumbling mess a lot of the time, all my pg friends are having girls & I used all the tricks in the book so still can't actually figure out how this can be a boy-but I wish I could stop dwelling on that!! Deep down I know there are no more baby's in my future, but there's a twinge of hope I may get a girl one day-which makes no sense... The biggest thing is finding a way to cope, personally I'm still working on it so not much help, sorry. Just know your not alone & I wish you all the best in your pg.

[Adia]

Be gentle with yourselves ladies. The third baby of the same gender is brutal. In our minds we feel like we have a shot at "third times the charm!" and when it doesn't work, it is a crushing blow.

I think we also feel like we couldn't possibly see how we could make our DG when all we 'naturally' produce is the opposite gender.

Finding out DD3 was another girl was such a kick in the gut for me and 5 years later I am not disappointed she was who she is, but I still struggle with not having a boy.

As I have said to many moms having their 3rd of the same gender, be cautious about who you tell IRL. For some reason people are just stupid when it comes to comments about 3 boys or girls. If I did it all over again I wouldn't tell anyone but DH and my GD friends about DD3 being another girl. I would just lie and say 'baby wouldn't cooperate" or something like that.

Hang in there, it gets better, I promise. Once you aren't pregnant your perspective will change.

Big hugs mamas!

[EmmyRoo]

That's what I worry about Adia, that I won't ever really get over it and will still be longing for a girl 5, 10, 40 years from now. I wish I could find a way to turn off the longing. I love this wee boy already and he'll always be loved, like my other two, but it's the longing for a daughter I am scared of. I want to be happy for people having daughters, but I know I'll spend a week crying EVERY time it happens. I'm not sure how to cope with that.

X

[heartmytwo]

What made you guys try for #3? Because you wanted the opposite gender or just wanted 3 kids? We debating a second for so long mainly me I wanted a boy with dd1 and she. We found out dd2 was a girl I don't think I could handle trying again because I just know it would be another girl so how did you guys decide it was time to try again.

[heartmytwo]

My post didn't type right, I meant we debated on #2 for a long time. My husband wanted 2 girls so he got his wish but I wanted all boys, never had an interest in having a girl I guess because I've always been such a tomboy, I adore my daughter now, but it wasn't easy. She wanted a little sister so bad so that makes dd2 being a girl a little better

[mindyjean]

I think we were posting at the same time mindy, thanks, it really helps so much not to feel alone. Do you think you will go HT one day or is it a placebo to get you through? I hope you feel ok soon, if atomic is able to set up this opposite forum we can help each other through. .

X

Well, the first few days that I started reading about it, I just kept thinking "there's no way I could go through that." But when I was faced with that reality that there would be no daughter for me, I started to wrap my head around the idea. I waited about a month before I brought it up to DH--I was so nervous. But immediatly, he was like, "I want a daughter just as much as you, so we should definitely consider it." I felt like I had won the lottery. So for now, yes it is a placebo, but it's also a very big dream that I have hope will come true some day.

We definitely don't have the income to do it, but we also aren't big spenders. We figure we can give up a few family vacations, and buy less expensive vehicles for the rest of our lives. It would be SO worth it to have our daughter.

[ocean]

EmmyRoo - After years on these boards, and from my own experience, the hardest time is from the time you find out (or think you 'know') to 3-4 months after birth. The pregnancy hormones are running rampant, your body isn't your own, and you're tired. Once the baby starts sleeping a little better and is smiling up a storm, the love and pride really kick in -- at least that's been my experience. I was team green but 'sure' of the gender, and then explored HT aggressively until ~3 month post-birth mark. I'm now months past that and though I did have one last consult recently, set up months ago, overall I'm doing much better emotionally. I don't know if we'll go HT - for me, yes it is a placebo for now. And I haven't mentioned it in a couple months to DH - I just haven't had that burning desire to talk about it. DH and I are the same age as you and your DH, and/but it's not even the money....it's realizing with a clearer head that I love my kids and I do have a good life. And maybe just maybe, this warm heart of happiness I have is real.

I know what you're feeling. But forecasting out how you're going to feel for the rest of your life....when I did that, turns out I was wrong. Already, I know I was wrong, and it's only been a few months. A lot changes in a few months. Your baby is REAL, your baby is YOURS, your baby is the blessing you were always, always meant to have. Other peoples' lives and other peoples' DDs have faded away in a way I didn't think was going to happen. A very close family member had a DD within days of my DS2 and even before they were born, I thought I couldn't recover from that - but boy, have I. It took time.....it wasn't a 'poof!' where one day the sky is clear and Nina Simone is playing and my heart is suddenly happy. It was day by day, living my own life, smiling and laughing and tickling my son and loving my husband. 95% of my time is spent at work or in my little world with my own family. And that life, today, this moment right here, is a good one, no matter what happens next.

[atomic sagebrush]

Sorry I just spotted this, I don't set things up, I just show up and answer q's! if you need anything set up then please contact Nuthinbutpink, she is the genius that does the technical stuff.