EXTREME Gender Envy and Desire

[SamS_TTCPink]

You are so not a bad person!! Don't ever think that and you really have found the best place for support and understanding as most of us are right there with you in our own ways and one way or another..that's why we're here too! I have six boys and always wanted lots of children, but it never crossed my mind that we could have six children and they all be boys!! And like you, everyone around me has less children but of mixed genders, it just doesn't seem fair. I would pass up a zillion dollars for just one daughter (never at the cost of one of boys though...they're all everything to me &#128153.

[blackbekki]

I think most women on this forum have felt the exact same feelings hunni. I have had a daughter but she was a 41 week stillborn passing 3days before. Around the same time she was due everyone I knew was having girls. I never found out the sex as I felt id be disappointed if I found out I was having another boy. Craving 9months of wanting a girl to then give birth to her to hand her straight over is heartbreaking. I did have my little rainbow HE turned one yesterday and not a day goes by were he makes me happy but I do wonder and pray maybe one day I will get a living daughter to dote on. Most people who know me think I should never have one because I'll reject my boys (yes even my own mother said that to me) I never ever would and hope one day god will give me my hearts desire xx


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[MyByC]

Ladies, such beautiful writtings.
We must be positive. We are all here to make our dream come true.
We do our best but nature is nature and I guess we are all lucky in the end cause we get a little bundle of joy...Remember, there are so many women who cant have babies and would do ANYTHING for 6 boys and no girl (my hero mum) :-)
Let's stick to the plan and do our best to get in our life the PINK love.

P.s : You are not a bad person. I think we all been throw same emotions...
My best friend is having her baby girl these days and more then that, she will choose me to baptism her baby...I feel sad and happy same time.

[crazydesperatelady]

To all:
Thank you for your support, I feel much better now. It is amazing that everyone is so supportive. Frankly I was even scared to post this on IG because I was afraid of being bashed. After all, I only have one boy and I'm not even pregnant with my second. Theoretically I have a 50-50 chance, though somehow I do not believe it.
blackbekki,
Your story broke my heart. I'll never understand why such things happen.
I wish all of us get our daughters one day but you above all. Is any form of HT an option for you?
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I have had gender desire even before getting married and pregnant. I did not want all girls & exclusively girls, just one would be perfectly fine. But since I married relatively late and because my DH is very adamant about it, I know I have to stop at 2. So the pressure is HUGE.
I have actually postponed TTC for at least a year to make myself OK with the idea of having another boy.
I looked into HT, adoption and all that but I figured that the best and cheapest option would be to "cure" myself out of GD. I would intentionally babysit girls that I knew to be mean, noisy and/or drama queens (no disrespect to anybody with girls, this was just part of my "treatment"). I lurked on gender forums but only read the posts of ladies desperate for sons. I paid close attention when seeing teenage girls who acted and dressed, well, inappropriately for age. I read stories about foreign countries where ladies who give birth to boys only are the queens of maternity wards. I studied polls proving that boys are the preferred gender almost everywhere (except here in New York, it seems). I did everything I possibly could to make myself NOT want a girl. And it did work for a while. I clearly remember moments when I was convinced that I was totally OK with another boy, even preferring one.
But after a day or a week or a month this NEED to have a daughter would inevitably come back. A cute girl or a girl outfit, a pink themed baby shower, a birth announcement - these would always set me back. Will nothing "cure" me except for actually having a baby girl? Has anyone actually managed to successfully get rid of this obsession?
At this point I am not even sure I should get pregnant again, with an attitude like this. But if I don't I'll loose my last chance.
I am going to buy membership here and contact various clinics that offer PGD. If I knew one cycle would work maybe I could scramble the money somehow, but I am almost 35 so what are the chances of 1 IVF being successful?


THANK YOU FOR READING MY RANTS....Any other bright ideas would be appreciated

[blackbekki]

We are trying gender sway hoping maybe one day. The loss did break our family apart after a year and our newborn but we are better now x


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[MyByC]

Crazydesperatelady, I contacted several clinics for pgd and all said I might need more cycles(I'm 27) ..it's expansive and my DH does not agree. In the end, nature should tell it's word. My hubby says if we do this it means we dont trust God...and he is not into churches every week.
I do trust GD and I would advice you take a personalised plan.
I think you'll increase your girl chances if you follow it.
Good luck.

[SamS_TTCPink]

I think most women on this forum have felt the exact same feelings hunni. I have had a daughter but she was a 41 week stillborn passing 3days before. Around the same time she was due everyone I knew was having girls. I never found out the sex as I felt id be disappointed if I found out I was having another boy. Craving 9months of wanting a girl to then give birth to her to hand her straight over is heartbreaking. I did have my little rainbow HE turned one yesterday and not a day goes by were he makes me happy but I do wonder and pray maybe one day I will get a living daughter to dote on. Most people who know me think I should never have one because I'll reject my boys (yes even my own mother said that to me) I never ever would and hope one day god will give me my hearts desire xx


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I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You are amazing to have gone on to have your little man and now TTC again. I really hope you get another daughter.

And I can't believe your mum would say that to you!! After what you've been through too, how horrible!!! People just don't understand that Gender Desire doesn't come at the cost of the love we have for our other children. I am so in love with my boys and wouldn't change them for the world, if I had 10 of them, I'd love them all!! And wanting or having a daughter would never change the love I have for my boys. She would be pretty spoilt by her big brothers though. 😉

[Mrs_Incredible]

What a heartbreaking thing to have lost your daughter so tragically. I'm so sorry for your loss. As mumofsix said, that's an awful thing for people to think and say to you. I think that for me, I will feel even more protective of my 3 boys and making sure they know they are loved (as I do do already!), because I never want them to think that their sister is more important than them. They are my world, always have been, always will be. Hugs xx


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[3BoysBlessed]

I've been there-that gut wrenching feeling hurts. It hurts worst because you want to feel happy for them and it feels awful😔I have to just adore my three beautiful boys all the more. I think about some really special and adorable or sweet things they have done or moments, or personality traits of theirs and my heart just fills up with happiness again. That's is what gets my head back on straight and I sometimes just avoid situations with too many little girls or parents who tend to play up that they have girls...we all know at least one that does this, unfortunately:/ Also, reminding myself that these little innocent beings that we create out of love are all just little human beings regardless of gender they are all wonderful and I know that God has given them to me for a reason. There is nothing that could take that joy away. Focus on that and that is what I do and it makes me feel like I should- happy and so grateful. I know it is so hard, but focus on what brings you joy


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[2boysJustOneGirl]

I feel the same way you do. It's so isolating. Some days I am beyond depressed, other days I am just angry. It can be so consuming and deep down I know it is likely to destroy me yet I can't seem to let it go. I have read a post recently that the emotions of GD are similar to infertility and in a way I feel they are likely worse because of the guilt we also feel. We have children, shouldn't we be happy for that?


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