Feeling alone, angry and depressed...

[hotdogz&boyz]

(Sorry, keyboard froze!) to understand where those feelings were coming from or why I couldn't just accept things as they were. I did what others suggested...planned for him very extensively. I bought him tons of new stuff, made different choices, named him and talked to him. And when he arrived...the first words I said to him were "I've been waiting for you!" And it turned out to be true, I was waiting for exactly him. He is very special to me. He and his brother are just so different, I love the differences he introduced me to. Having a second child is such a different experience, you can't imagine it yet. But it's beautiful.

In the meantime, don't force yourself to waste time on those whose opinions don't matter. Try to connect with your baby. And know that this, while it feels yucky, won't last forever.

[jen75]

Hi Amo,
I hope you have found support reading these posts. I do truly know how you feel, had ds4 in July after an 11 year gap from Ds1, 18, ds2, 15 and ds3,11 and i have found it really hard. I find it hard not to be rude when people buy him clothes as we have so many and i am sick of boy stuff. He is a lovely baby, and i do love him very much, but i wish my joy in him wasn't tainted by sadness and i feel really guilty about it. I too have felt a lot of anger and i did have some counselling for it, i would recommend that if possible you go privately for this as if you mention GD and wanting a girl you get all sorts of NHS busybodies thinking you need watching which i found only added to my stress. I would definitely say not being pregnant really helps as we all know it plays havoc with the hormones, but acknowledging how you are feeling also really helps. I have spoken about my disappointment with many people and you know most mothers i have spoken to have understood, but my family (not my parents and MIL who have been great) but cousins and sisters in law have been quite franky crap and insensitive. I can tell you now that strangely it will bring you pleasure and not pain to see ds2 in ds1's old clothes, it often brings back happy memories and my boys love to know when ds4 is in their old things. I kone you will feel better when your little man arrives, but it is hard to be in the dark place you are now. I am sending you lots of love and cyber hugs. we are here for you, and the support you will get on this forum will be invaluable. xxxxxxxxxxx

[amo]

Thank you all so much for all your support, it's amazing what a difference it makes knowing people understand and relate to how I feel.
Thank you all so much, without this forum I'd feel totally alone.
xxx

[Kittybear]

Hey Hun, I was very much where you are now about 4 months ago. I didn't really discuss my pregnancy with anyone, didn't buy much (more neutral clothes and nursery decoration than overtly boy stuff), didn't like any names, and I was so stressed about giving birth to a boy again, especially as he was 'supposed' to be my girl. I too also really worried about how I would feel towards him as ds1 was my whole world, and the prospect of my GD becoming pnd really worried me.

He is now 3.5 months old. He is wonderful; so smiley and happy. I can't imagine him NOT being here now. And I loved him the instant he was born. It didn't hit me like a truck like it did for ds1 but more like finding something you lost or put away and had forgotten about... More a 'oh there you are' as it had always been there I just had to find it. He is a boy, but more than that, he is MY CHILD. He is the same gender as his big bro but even now I can see his different personality. My GD has not gone 100% but it's not as all consuming as it was whilst I was pregnant. I think that fear of the unknown has a lot to do with it.

I'm sorry your family is behaving poorly. I honestly think GD is one of those things that had to be experienced to be understood. But again, once he is here I'm sure your family will start to behave better.

You will be ok. Give yourself time. We will support you here.

Xxx