Can you top it!?

[1+2+3boys]

Your posts inspired me Dana-Alicia. Thank you so much for sharing. I had counciling when I had post natal depression 9 months after having my twins. I forgot about positive affirmation. I'm going to try it again. My councilour told me first to stay "stop" to my self to stop the bad thought in it's tracks and to picture a stop sign or something and then go on to the positive thought and it really did save me some days. I still have a hard time with low moods as an after/side effect so I really need to look after myself. It is not because I have GD but when I am at my worse then the GD really flares up. The better a person I become (and I am working on it) and the happier I allow myself to be then the easier I can handle other things in life. I am glad to read that you feel like you are on your way. Congratulations

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can't believe people would actually say mean things to you about losing her.

[Magical22]

Great questions to ask myself, my GD has only been due to them. I guess I was just the one in the family meant to have the first girl, mil even bought me a baby shirt saying nans #1 granddaughter etc, years ago. The first time mil met this girl she was 5 months pregnant, she just seemed to swoops in and takes it all. She copied my engagement ring down to the tea and now has one exactly the same........I'm being childish aren't i!?!?

I need to start positive affirmations and get over it. The whole GD hasn't bothered me for ages but now coming up to start ttc again I feel like so much pressure is on me and GD is starting to creep up again, which would be there regardless but I feel it's there just a bit more due to my niece.


I think about being pregnant again and if it is a boy announcing it and just getting sympathy stares like they feel sorry for me, I hate that. I hated defending me ds2 before he was even born. I wouldn't change my boys for anything they are so amazing.


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[Magical22]

Dana I'm so sorry about your daughter that's awful!


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[Adia]

Great questions to ask myself, my GD has only been due to them. I guess I was just the one in the family meant to have the first girl, mil even bought me a baby shirt saying nans #1 granddaughter etc, years ago. The first time mil met this girl she was 5 months pregnant, she just seemed to swoops in and takes it all. She copied my engagement ring down to the tea and now has one exactly the same........I'm being childish aren't i!?!?

I need to start positive affirmations and get over it. The whole GD hasn't bothered me for ages but now coming up to start ttc again I feel like so much pressure is on me and GD is starting to creep up again, which would be there regardless but I feel it's there just a bit more due to my niece.


I think about being pregnant again and if it is a boy announcing it and just getting sympathy stares like they feel sorry for me, I hate that. I hated defending me ds2 before he was even born. I wouldn't change my boys for anything they are so amazing.


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I totally understand this. I have one SIL in particular that sounds very parallel to yours. For some reason it just gets to me. And TTC while knowing that you may very well get another of the same gender, and that SIL could easily laugh at you if you did, is very hard.

HOWEVER, I know the ins and out of her life and even though I wish I could easily produce all the genders I order, in the pattern I order, I wouldn't want to be her for a list of reasons.

At the end of the day, when our children are grown and move away, it is us with ourselves and the way we handle the mud thrown at us in life dictates how much we enjoy the journey of life and raising children.

This is my last baby and as much as I dreaded finding out that it might have been another girl, I was looking forward to moving on either way. GD has taken far to much of my time and emotions over the years. Hating and wishing for something that might have never been is exhausting too. Their is more to life than the gender of our children and once we can lay those possibilities to rest we owe it to ourselves, and our loved ones, to make the most out of what we have.

Big hugs mama, I know the cliff of possibilities you are standing on and its very hard and very private.

[Pebbles&BamBam]

I would also like to add I have been severely depressed for years and have started anti depressents recently and therapy, it has helped a great deal with my feelings of sadness, anxiety, jealousy etc. I realise now I was ill and I think a lot of us are overwhelmed and depressed as well. We owe it to ourselves to get better, as life can be so good. And I wouldn't have believed it myself if you had told me one year ago, so maybe you all think I'm full of crap But it has helped me and I hope my story can help others and give them strength. Big hugs to you all!

I take antidepressants as well, and they do help! I don't however take them while preggo, but start up immediately after! They make a huge difference for me, and maybe part of why I've been feeling so down/anxious and had slight GD. Who knows! I was at first embarrassed by taking them, but even the DR said, you don't judge someone who needs glasses so why would u judge someone who needed anti depressants ? I do believe that it is a lot of a chemical imbalance. And that I had such bad GD and a reactions with DD due to the fact that I wasn't taking my meds , but to me, in my case, I can survive pregnancy without them.

Thank you for your uplifting words!

[Pebbles&BamBam]

My questions were not to judge, but to make ts think of what is really making her feel this way. Where are these feelings coming from? And I wonder the same with you, genuinely, what makes it so bad? Do you still have GD even though you have your DS on the way now? Is it possible your SIL and friend were jealous of you? Is it possible they felt bad and went looking for your weak spot and found it? And once you know why they are doing that, doesn't that make you feel better about yourself? Don't allow people to bring you down. They may be the trigger, but you allow them to! I think the only way for us to dodge GD or any negative feeling other people are giving us, is by getting stronger ourselves. It's called positive affirmation. Basically what you do is very simple: you change the voice inside your head. I say basically, as it's simple to say it but hard to believe it. But once you keep saying it to yourself, you start to believe it more and more. Say it, repeat it, whatever gives you strength and power. Whatever makes you happy. As soon as you get feelings or thoughts that drag you down, stop and repeat your positive words. It only has to be one word or one sentence, a few examples: I'm good enough, I am so lucky to have my children! or I'm blessed with my family or SIL would wish she had such a great life like mine! Straighten your back, shoulders back, chest out, raise your chin, look at your strong points and soon you will start to grow as a person.

It will not change the fact we still desire a son or a daughter, but we can be happy with the life we have now. We can be happy with ourselves. We can guard ourselves against the rude comments and jealousy other people express towards us. Because think about it: happy people don't want to hurt others, so the people that do must be unhappy, right? Making yourself feel superior, only means the person that's doing it feels inferior. Knowing that changed everything for me. And since then, I just smile at those people and it confuses them, as I will not be brought down by anyone. I will not allow it. And trust me: I used to get put down a lot. Especially after my little girl died, baby girls seems to be born everywhere! And people would make rude comments like: maybe you're better of now and you can only make boys etc. Like a kick in the face. I was furious, really hated so many people, wished they would understand what it feels like what I was feeling. Honestly, I would never wish the death of a child on anyone, but to walk in my shoes for one day and it will shut anyone up about my life. But they can't and I don't need anyone to understand, not anymore. This is my life, it may not be perfect but it's mine. And I fought hard to get here and I am proud of myself. Perfection is not what I want anymore, what I'm looking for is acceptance and happiness. And i think I'm well on my way!

This is so true and I appreciate your uplifting comments, especially regarding your comment regarding happy people don't want to hurt others! I'm not sure if the feelings I feel are GD or if they are just hurt feelings when people say negative things about girls to me? It hurts to hear people say how they wouldn't ever want a daughter or that daughters are a handful, and it makes me even more upset when the people that should be there to love and support her can't see past that. The reality on this site, so many lovely women wanting DD, is so very different from from what I hear in my own reality? But such a refreshing point of view!

Regardless it's those peoples problem and not my own, and your right that I shouldn't let it bring me down!