How easily do you accept things as they are?

[atomic sagebrush]

Me too. I have always been an over-thinker and control freak. I'm always thinking of the past or future, I can't seem to live in the present.

Well put and I totally agree. Either mulling over things that happen or planning for something that will happen, and never able to just enjoy the moment. :/

[maidentomother]

me too. Absolutely.

My parents were also very wrapped up in their own lives when they had me and not what I would call nurturing so I was left on my own to figure out how to get along in the world. So I would do things incorrectly because I had no help/knowledge, and then be blamed for them constantly because neither of them wanted to take any blame for it (and really, who loves taking blame for things LOL) - it leaves its mark.

Same here. I was an only child until 7, always left to amuse myself (homeschooled myself completely grades 3-5), then was shipped off to boarding school in Switzerland at age 12, with no knowledge of any language beyond English. I had to be very independent and self reliant. I received mostly criticism despite very good behaviour, perfect grades etc. I was never good enough and constantly reminded ofany slight failures. Bc I lied for the first time at age 7 about bending back a sticker I was often told I was lying, up until I broke contact with my mom in my late 20s! Even 100 good actions couldn't compensate for a single bad one. And my mother never, EVER admitted to being wrong. I don't think she believed it possible in her mind.

[maidentomother]

Well put and I totally agree. Either mulling over things that happen or planning for something that will happen, and never able to just enjoy the moment. :/

Yes exactly! And what's worse is I KNOW it makes me unhappy but I can't seem to change. Maybe bc of my OCD? I have long hoped having kids will help with this, but maybe that's unrealistic?

[atomic sagebrush]

We are so much alike it makes me laugh sometimes. (ironically with great sadness.)

My parents were both only children of the "doted on" variety. I was an only child till 11, always, always alone, and yes, very much of the criticism was of the 'bending a sticker' variety. Very minor things that I would NEVER even mention to my children. If toys were left on my floor they were put into a garbage sack to be thrown away. I wasn't homeschooled but taught myself to read by age 3 and most of the things that matter, that I know I taught myself.

Last year I VERY POLITELY told my dad that I wanted him to talk to me respectfully and without criticizing and he was like "Fine then, I'll never talk to you again!" For realz. It was like the only options were him getting to say whatever he wanted to me, or no contact. I wish I was making this up. The sad thing is that it is only now after all these years I can realize that I wasn't the one in the wrong about all these ridiculous things and that it isn't normal to get angry at a child for things that all children do.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. :/ I wish it could be easier on all of us.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes exactly! And what's worse is I KNOW it makes me unhappy but I can't seem to change. Maybe bc of my OCD? I have long hoped having kids will help with this, but maybe that's unrealistic?

oh, the kids beat it out of you, eventually. I sometimes feel badly for my first son who I had while still in the grips of the madness but he seems to have come through it relatively ok, although not terribly ambitious (if that is a flaw, which I'm not sure it is.) Doesn't do drugs, doesn't take advantage of girls, very respectful and law abiding. Plays a lot of video games but that seems to be the norm for that generation of kids.

[Dana-Alicia]

Oh my, I thought I was the only one that felt like this! I can seriously lie awake at night for something I did as a kid!! My parents and older sister love to rub my (past) mistakes in my face, turning them into amazingly fun stories at the dinner table just to embarras me. My older sister is a bit behind, always has been, has loads of learning issues and emotional sh*t and when I was growing up my parents noticed this. And in order to get me under her level, they would put me down and raise her up. Still do so today. I was never motivated to study and my parents were appearently so surprised when I graduated from university, they just didn't show up at my graduation I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, it's never good enough and all the bad things happen I deserve and the good things are a fluke. No wonder I struggle. I want to do better for my kids, but it never feels like it's enough. I don't think I would feel different if I had two girls. It's just the way I was brought up and has lodged itself in my life and personality now. It's very hard to break away from that.

[XXforhubby]

I've spent years in therapy to deal with these issues. I vowed that I wouldn't have children until I had dealt with my past, because I never wanted to remotely treat my children the way I was treated as a child. I too was raised by a controlling mother who has untreated paranoid schizophrenia. Yeah, one minute she was Dr. Jekyl and the next minute Mr. Hyde would come out and try and kill me for something trivial.

I would mull things over as a child thinking that if only I could do better...but I learned quickly that it never made a difference. I thank God for my elementary school teachers who had me see the school psychologist after school without my mother's knowledge. I'm sure today they could get fired for that, but I'm forever grateful for them! I continued to get help off and on, and I feel that I am free from those chains.

I can have trouble letting things go, even now. I do eventually when I realize that I'm not living in the present and I can ONLY control my behavior and how I respond to things. I forgive myself if some situations take me longer to let go- I'm human! I never allow myself to go to far though because I know my children are always watching.


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