So conflicted and sad.

[Kalea]

IVF may not be "fun" but if you want a girl with a vasectomy it is your best chance. Even with IVF at 40 getting a girl could take multiple times and the $ to go along with it. I'm 40..my husband has a vasectomy. We got 11 eggs and 1 normal male embryo. I was going for a girl. I would need to do another costly round and could still end up with poor results. I have 3 boys and because I do want a baby with this husband and I love boys I'm going to try to transfer the boy. However if I were to do it again I would really consider donor eggs. Oh and you want to freeze your husband's sperm cuz he will never want to let them touch his balls again.

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[Sweetplum]

Hi-
I see we have a lot more in common than I knew about. I also have work to consider but have decided to see what happens in that front. Currently I am in a great position but it is also very stressful. They have been awesome to let me bring my baby to work and he has been there since 4 weeks. I am lucky enough to have an adopted grandma come every Wed to help with him. Now that he is bigger and more active, my husband comes and gets him after his nap and I work from home on Mondays. Not sure if where you work has that type of flexibility but my co-workers and the clients love interacting with the baby. Kids are really a good therapy. I am fortunate that way but I really don't know how it will be when I say I have another one coming. ��. Might be pushing it a bit.

I totally know how you feel about pushing it. We really do have a lot in common!

Unfortunately I work in a design firm that has clients in throughout the day, that said, it's small and really laid back so we all bring our older kids (ages 6+) in when they are off school. It would all work itself out I know, it's just so much to think about

[Sweetplum]

IVF may not be "fun" but if you want a girl with a vasectomy it is your best chance. Even with IVF at 40 getting a girl could take multiple times and the $ to go along with it. I'm 40..my husband has a vasectomy. We got 11 eggs and 1 normal male embryo. I was going for a girl. I would need to do another costly round and could still end up with poor results. I have 3 boys and because I do want a baby with this husband and I love boys I'm going to try to transfer the boy. However if I were to do it again I would really consider donor eggs. Oh and you want to freeze your husband's sperm cuz he will never want to let them touch his balls again.

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This is really great advice. I wish you the best. I wonder what I would do in your position and I kinda feel like if there was one healthy egg and it was a boy I would transfer it too. Something about the thought of this little person just waiting to be born. Keep me posted.

[Sweetplum]

Hi-
I see we have a lot more in common than I knew about. I also have work to consider but have decided to see what happens in that front. Currently I am in a great position but it is also very stressful. They have been awesome to let me bring my baby to work and he has been there since 4 weeks. I am lucky enough to have an adopted grandma come every Wed to help with him. Now that he is bigger and more active, my husband comes and gets him after his nap and I work from home on Mondays. Not sure if where you work has that type of flexibility but my co-workers and the clients love interacting with the baby. Kids are really a good therapy. I am fortunate that way but I really don't know how it will be when I say I have another one coming. ��. Might be pushing it a bit.

I swear I just responded to this but it's not showing up! Anyway - I feel for you. We are very much in the same boat!

[more pink]

Bottom line advise GO for it GO and get your little girl!
Every thing can wait if you keep postponing you will end up waiting for a granddaughter
40 is not too late for a third baby
Best wishes for a wee girl ♡♡

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[Sweetplum]

All. Thank you so much for the comments. DH and I talked a lot this weekend. Here is what we realized:
1. Private school is not very important to DH. He would rather send kids to public school and have extra $ for travel, etc.
2. DH is fine with two boys but he is open to third child, and he doesn't care if it's a boy or girl. He'd prefer a girl for novelty, but doesn't really care.
3. We both are intrigued by the idea of PGD but feel there are too many roadblocks with my age. Those being : a. at age 40 there is only one clinic near us that would do PGD, and they require you to donate any unused healthy embryos (you cannot transfer them at other points in your cycle). We both are a bit uncomfortable with the idea of creating a bunch of embryos and then having them in a lab somewhere or donating them (even though I know this would be wonderful for some family). DH said he would have huge regrets if he knew there was an unborn child of ours out there, I can understand him feeling this way. b. The amount of procedures seems like a lot for me with my career and our current schedule. I honestly don't want to be at the dr. that much. c. The expense. d. My timeline at 40 is limited and my odds for IVF are not great. So we basically have come to terms with the fact that IVF is not a good option for us. That leaves us with two choices:

1. Stick with a wonderful little family of four.
2. Go for the VR and accept the 50/50 chance of a boy or a girl being added to our family.

Right now I am still leaning towards the VR and coming to terms with the fact that ultimately I can attempt a sway but the universe will decide.
Thank you again for the notes back and all the insights, I look forward to hearing all your thoughts and will keep in touch as we meet with my OB and urologist to see how this whole decision unfolds

Have a wonderful week ladies.
Sweetplum.

[WannaGirl]

Good luck, I hope you do get the VR and s daughter but hey, we got a third boy and he is the most loving, sweet, adorable child I've decided it doesn't matter and I'll just spoil the other girls in my life (all my closest friends have a daughter or two it's very hard to think about that when I am the only one who had a preference!!! Karma??) the HT didn't work for us and I was sure it wasn't meant to be

[Sweetplum]

Good luck, I hope you do get the VR and s daughter but hey, we got a third boy and he is the most loving, sweet, adorable child I've decided it doesn't matter and I'll just spoil the other girls in my life (all my closest friends have a daughter or two it's very hard to think about that when I am the only one who had a preference!!! Karma??) the HT didn't work for us and I was sure it wasn't meant to be

I love this. I know if we have a third son it would be amazing, despite my longing for a female in the house. When I was a young girl I always told my friends and family that I wanted to be a mom of three boys....there is something so sweet about it. Congrats to you and your beautiful family.

[Wantanother2017]

In an ideal situation you could have a surrogate carry your little girl! No health/age related issues for you. However, mostly out of reach for most people I know.
Have you ever considered adoption? I know that decision is deeply personal, however it could be a viable option as it would displace all of the health risks for you and assure the gender of your choice. As well as make one little girl amazingly lucky. Just a thought.
Good luck in whatever you decide. This must be such a hard place to be in.

[pinkfairydust]

I hope this isn't bad advice but I personally think that it sounds like you have a lovely life at the moment and that you should think about leaving things as they are (as you already have been)

Whilst I know people don't think about their careers on their death bed...if you are happy at work and have nice colleagues and good prospects that's a huge contributor to overall happiness and shouldn't be downplayed. Your happiness at work will benefit your relationship with your husband and 2 boys.

Having said that I would find it hard to take my own advice in your position. But it really does sound like you are very content with everything you have going on and the benefits for your family of continuing down this path are huge.

Good luck with it all x