I don't know what to do and I feel like time is running out.

[Ttc2015]

Thank you so much kittybear. It helps so much to hear from others going through this. I think if I already had a girl in the mix I probably wouldn't be considering another child. If I'm totally honest, going for another child will ALWAYS be to try and get my girl. I've always known this. I'm just at the stage where I have to accept the chances are it could be a boy. Some days I'm ok with that, others not so much. I looked into one of the Cz clinics, even contacted the 'right' dr. It was a lot cheaper but still beyond our means (we spent SO much in the US) and DH was so unhappy about it, especially as it is illegal in Cz, he was only ok about going somewhere where everything was above board. The first attempt made us so miserable and I just couldn't push him into another one. I had given him my word only once. My beliefs deep down were that it wouldn't work. So I think I do need a few months out. A little bit torn about whether to try next cycle or not but probably won't. I think what I'm really looking for might be closure, if that's possible?!!!

[Kittybear]

I hope you find what you are looking for Hun, be it closure, a daughter, a baby... Whatever form 'it' finally takes.

And we are always here whenever you need to offload. Sometimes it is enough to get you through the long night to know that 'I am not alone'.

Xxx

[pinkcomestrue]

I'm sorry to hear your story.

My situation is a bit the opposite, but my GD is hunting me everyday too, I'm carrying my DS2 and I'm ashamed to feel this way while he is still in me.

I always wanted 2 kids, at least one girl, I had this dream when I was very young, my mom has 2 daughter and a son, she loves my brother, too obvious that I feel super jealous of him, and because of that it makes me feel I need to have a daughter and show my love to her.

When I heard my first was a boy, I had GD, not too too bad because I know I still have one more chance, but I was searching about swaying every single day until he was born, I was in love straight away when I saw him. So I set my mind onto swaying, I swayed pretty hard but I knew that swaying is not 100%, so now I'm having my DS2, all the ladies here are so great and Atomic is always here for us so I do really believe in swaying but it just didn't work for me.

I'm 35 and 36 soon too so my time is also running out, I just convinced my DH to go for the third and we are looking into HT, hopefully I will get a daughter before 40, I believe when there is love, there is hope.

I'm definitely not one of the wise ladies here to make a comment for you to feel better, I just want to let you know that you are really really not alone in this and there are loads of ladies out there feeling the same but you just don't know about it and all you can see is their happy faces like me in the real life.

If you set your mind on getting your girl, I'm sure you will get your girl soon. Best of luck.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ttc2015]

Thanks pinkcomestrue. It's such an awful feeling isn't it? Especially when you are pregnant, I'm so sorry you are going through this too just now. I'm very scared to feel this way again, even though I know I would love another son completely. I really hope you can enjoy some of this pregnancy and his babyhood, and that HT works for you. That is fantastic DH is supportive and you know you have that to look forward to, lots of luck. Everyone's GD is so personal isn't it, I really wish we could be more open about it, and I wish so so much that gender selection was legal here, and adoption an easier process. Best of luck with everything x

[Ttc2015]

Thank you kittybear, I don't know what I would do without this site!!!! Probably crack up! Think I need to work out what closure is for me - could I walk away now happy with what I have, would I need to have another baby either boy or girl to know I did everything I could, or would closure only really come when I had my daughter which may never happen? DH pretty useless in helping me make any decisions, he doesn't understand GD at all and is just happy to go along with what I want, as long as it doesn't involve IVF again!!

[Serendipity]

I can relate to so much of your post. I am the only one of my friends to have three children and the only one to have all boys. Everyone else glides along blissfully unaware of any of these feelings. The unfairness of this physically hurts me in the chest. I think these days you can pretty much achieve anything if you want it enough, so it's almost impossible to accept there is one thing you can't control.

I had another baby after 4 years of thinking it over and trying to talk myself out of it, but my ache just would not go away. I wanted to get rid of the awful longing so I gambled and lost. My older two are at school and I do feel upset that all my independence has gone and I'm back where I started, no better off, and guilty that my older two can't enjoy day trips or activities because I'm so busy with the baby. So if you are ready to deal life reversing back 5 years and also dealing with Gd then go ahead. Otherwise try spending some time appreciating the little things like a nights sleep or being able to eat a meal with two hands or read a book that you will lose while you decide.

HOWEVER, you might be lucky, and that was the only thing that seduced me into trying again, as I thought that I couldn't possibly be so unlucky when everyone around me was popping out girls first time, to have it happen to me not once, not twice but three times, but I've learned life is not fair, it doesn't matter how much you want things or pray or try, the universe doesn't distribute evenly according to need or want. Sorry just realised this sounds incredibly bitter, but I wish someone had told me if I gambled again I could end up with so much extra work, sleeplessness, my body ruined and depression and such anger at the injustice of it, I'm sure it will lift after the preschool years pass, but right now the true picture is I'm struggling even worse than before and still miss my daughter.

Sorry to be so negative, having a pity party, in a dark place right now. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Ttc2015]

Thanks serendipity, you have pretty much summed up what I'm scared about. I really do not enjoy pregnancy or the baby stage. Some days I look at my boys and the love is so overwhelming I feel I would love to have another one of them. But I do fear I've left it too late, life has been tough for a good few years and it's just starting to get easier. I really really fear the loss of my own time, time I have just got back. I've only just felt like me again in the last year or so. I'm still tired all the time, and some days I wake up and wonder how on earth I could do this with a new baby! But then I know it is all temporary and in 10/20 years time how amazing would it be to have a big family. I have big age gaps between my younger siblings and I have very happy childhood memories. I'm just so indecisive I wish I had fallen pregnant last year!

I really really feel for you. It's not easy being so honest about your feelings. It's so misunderstood. Sometimes I wish I could talk to a professional about it but wouldn't know how to go about this. it has taken a while, but I can honestly say that I love being a mum of 3 boys. Things will get easier. I don't know how we ever get over not having our daughters though. My GD has definitely lessened over time. I'm not sad about the children I have but the one I haven't, if that makes sense.

[Dreamsister]

Dear Serendipity. So sorry to hear your are struggling and sad. Just want to say that I agree what ttc2015 said: Having 3 sons is really really joyable and fun. You have something to look forward to. I am sure when you get more sleep your mood will chance to better and you will see things in a more positive perspective. Sometimes I think we over think things too much and get so focused on gender that we don't see all the love and beauty in front of us. Take care.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dreamsister]

Ttc2015 it sounds like you are very lucky to have a loverable and supportive DH. I understand why you would like to go back to work after five years at home. Maybe you should take a pause from ttc'ing for some months and see how strong your baby desire is after that. I am working full time and would really really love some years 'break' from labour market and being able to focus 24/7 on the family.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk