Stupid comments

[hopper]

Oh ladies I am just so touched by your comments and shared experiences. Thank you all so much!!

@familymatters you have me in tears here with your wonderful comment. I actually can barely re-read it through the tears to form an apt reply! You've just hit the nail firmly on the head. I already feel so all over the place about everything I could do without people further colouring my feelings! And yes, in China we would be Gods lol!! DH often says that if we were short on cash he could rent himself out as a proven boy producer! But knowing my luck he'd have daughters with another woman lol!!

The girl at the wedding is actually family unfortunately, I've mentioned her here before I think, and she has been known to say stupid stuff before this - like the morning DS1 was born she openly asked me was I disappointed as both of us wanted girls. She had her girl 3 months later (a baby girl I held in my arms at about 3 hours old while I cried like a woman possessed) and has since had a second girl rubbing more salt in the wound (though her DD2 is clinically blind). She claims changing a baby boys nappy makes her feel "ill". I do think such comments are made in ignorance, and the bigger part of me, the more developed part of me, feels quite sorry for her that she must have such a negative view of the male sex.

@XX have you decided if you guys will try once more or do you feel "done"? I know I feel like this now, desperate for a daughter while carrying a son but you never know - I might feel complete when he gets here! I'm holding onto that thought. I was going to start looking into starting LE from January (BFing dependent) and ttc from March 2017 but I'm just being optimistic that I won't even need to sway or have any more babies. DH doesn't like the idea of swaying. He thinks our 3 conceptions have been "military" and since all of them resulted in boys we should have a "go with flow" time of ttc. A big part of me agrees with him but then I see the script I have for Clomid that I got the day before I got my BFP this time and I think it'd be a shame to let it go to waste when its such a good pink tactic lol!!

Its funny cause before I got pregnant this time I wanted DH to have a 4th child. I always wanted 4 children but I just assumed, like a lot of women here I'm sure, that at least one of them and perhaps two of them would be girls. But part of me actually hoped that our third child be a boy as I genuinely love the idea of 3 boys (the photos of Colleen Rooney and her three boys when her third son was born were just so gorgeous!!) - and then finishing off with a girl (cause having kids is just like ordering takeout from a Chinese menu, right!!) but now that I'm actually in the situation and there's a possibility of a 4th child, and a 4th boy at that, I don't know how I feel about it. A lot of our family have expressed the opinion that we needed to be done at 2 and then announcing this child didn't get a wonderful reaction. I know that financially we are better off sticking with 3 and DH would be happier sticking with 3, he kinda didn't want to have a third and I know he's only saying we can have a 4th cause he can sense how sad I am right now - and I think he's hoping the sadness will just go away over time. Maybe it will.

@oceancitymom I'm sorry you got such a reaction! What a complete idiot!! I totally get that wincing though, I'm just waiting for it when more people know. A girl I used to be friends with and only connect with on FB now commented on our FB announcement for this child. She has 2 girls and a boy and she didn't even say congrats she just wrote "Maybe this time you'll be lucky!" As if my boys being here and healthy and happy isn't lucky?!?! What can you say to that like!! I don't know why other peoples comments affect me so much, I'm blaming the preggo hormones!! I normally couldn't give two hoots though I'm sure my own feelings on the subject are making stupid comments a little harder to take.

@atomic lol I too have been known to make "foot in mouth" questions or statements. I can really be such an airhead at times. As mentioned above this particular girl has been known to make inane comments in the past so I really shouldn't be fazed by her at this point!! I'm just so sensitive as part of me feels like she's giving voice to whats already hidden in my head so it's just a little too close to the bone for my liking. I can't WAIT to get to the "look at my wonderful family" stage. My SIL who is mad for a girl having grown up in a house of 5 daughters and no sons, has 3 boys (9,5,1) and has yet to get to it, I think if there's one thing I can learn from her experience thus far is to embrace it more as she is very removed from her boys since the birth of her third son. She cares for them etc but she just doesn't seem as involved as she once was. The more I embrace being a mother of boys the happier we will all be. I just want to hit the FF button now and get to the point where we are a family of 5 so maybe the healing can begin!

I feel priviledged to be raising such kind and wonderful sons, I REALLY do as I know all you mothers with boys must also feel. It IS a priviledge. I just wish I didn't have such a want for a daughter. I would do anything to not feel like this. It's just not helped by the fact that pretty much every family I know has girls or mixed gender households. My SIL and one other friend are the only people I know with a max of 3 kids that are all sons so I just feel in the minority a lot. If I never had a daughter and I never felt like this again I'd be the happiest woman alive! I HATE GD! Its such a demon!!

Thank you all for reading/commenting on such a rant-y thread! It didn't start out as such, I just wanted to air how I was feeling! I'm freelancing for some blogs at the minute and a lot of my pieces are all about being happy in pregnancy and I just feel like I needed to write something honest. Maybe when I'm less raw about everything I'll write an honest piece on GD but for now I'll save it for here, my safe place xxx

[netti02]

Ikwym hopper. I have told close family but in terms of the fbook world i have kept the gender unknown. Im not sure if any more children are for us down the track but if it was i have already made the decision to tell no one until absolutely necessary that includes inlaws and parents. My inlwas are pretty easy going but id just rather keep it for myself as long as possible.

I was ok at first too then went into abit of a spiral but ive now found my happy place again. I jad some clothes put away for a dd so i will need to sort through that and it will be hard.

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[Fiya]

Sweet hopper, I just wanted to read this because I was wondering what people would probably have to say about gender and I'm shocked. Some people are just so insensitive. You can be proud of yourself to have been able to stay calm despite of these silly comments.

I was mostly shocked by the girl at the wedding. It's mostly the ones having their desired genders who say things like that. That's why this website is such a blessing. Everyone here knows what it feels like to have that desire for a certain gender, so we would never say such mean things to you.

Anyway, before I found out I was getting a girl, what I threaded the most wasn't discovering having a thirth boy, but listening to alllll the pity I would get from everyone. I recently told my hubby no one even bothered to ask me if I didn't want a thirth boy. They all automatically assumed I needed a girl for my family to be complete, so I must be happy.

It's such a strange world, because your MIL tells you to be happy with what you get, but everyone seems to have that picture of a perfect family in mind and tells you things that make you doubt your own happiness. I know it's cliche, but a healthy baby is the most wonderful present you can get. And those babies are blessed with a mom like you.

Enjoy your pregnancy hun, and don't listen to them!

[familymatters]

@hopper, you're a sweetheart and you sound like a wonderful mother. You are very articulate and intelligent, I could tell you are a writer. Just keep expressing yourself here because the ladies on this site are so supportive and they get it.

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[Babygirlquest]

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[BrightSky]

Hopper, I can't believe people like your wedding guest friend even exist! What awful things to say.. Changing a boys nappy makes her 'ill' why bother even having children then as that's a distinct possibly?! Regardless of gender these are human beings we are talking about and what sort of message is she sending her daughters about their perception of men.. who make up half the human race! I would not want my children anywhere near someone like this.
I'm on to my second now, and while I do believe this to be a boy, I've elected not to find out and I'm even finding the 'hope it's a girl' comments annoying, I try to shut it down quickly and say even if it's not my son will love a little brother (as would we!) I think you'll find once your baby's born the comments will only be lovely, there's no negativity attached to the birth of a new child xx

[ksmom]

I'm so sorry people are being so insensitive Hopper! I remember with DS2, people would ask what I was having and they'd react with "oh another boy" with a less than enthused look. Like really?! As if OUR children's genders have any bearing on their lives!! A friend of mine is expecting her third boy any day now and when she announced the gender she got lots of the "guess you need to try again for a girl" and "were you trying for a girl?" comments. Since when did other people make our reproductive business their business?? I feel like people who say these things are the ones who don't get what it's like to have GD. They're either too old to remember that part of their lives or they had a mix of boys and girls so it was never something they had to deal with. I know often times these people mean well, but they really have no idea how much their words can sting. Like you, I love my boys dearly and sometimes I wish so bad that my desire for a DD would go away...but it won't and so it's something I struggle with. It's so hard when we envision our lives to be a certain way and then it turns out to be something completely different. I'm sure once your new adorable little bundle is here, people won't dare say terrible things to you. In the meantime, try not to let all those party poopers rain on your parade.