Reactions to your pregnancy?

[girliedreamz]

I agree 100% with atomic! I had my first son at 23, and I also was very young looking at that time. I got comments all the time from people who thought I as the nanny. lol! They'd have a horrified look on their face when I told them he was actually mine.

I'm preg with my 4th now at 39, and I haven't gotten a single comment. It may also have to do with where I live. I'm in the Silicon Valley, and a lot of women my age have put off family and kids in favor of career and are having kids later in life. Even more so for the men! A lot of the fathers in my son's kindergarten class are old enough to be grandfathers. Men waiting until their 40s at to have kids around here is the norm.

I'm probably still a bit on the older side, even in this area, but I know at least 3 other women from my high school graduating class who are either pregnant or have young babies/toddlers right now. So it's not that uncommon!

[BunnyGirl19]

I've gotten comments about my age, but mostly as it relates to number of kids. I'm 35 now, but look 25. I'll have 6 kids when I'm done with this pregnancy. People comment I'm too young to have so many kids. For the most part though, I just get comments solely over how many I have, the irresponsibility of being a breeder, etc. There is also the assumption that we receive public assistance because of it, which couldn't be farther from the truth as we're somewhere in the top 10% for income (not that we're wealthy considering how darned expensive everything is).

[atomic sagebrush]

I agree 100% with atomic! I had my first son at 23, and I also was very young looking at that time. I got comments all the time from people who thought I as the nanny. lol! They'd have a horrified look on their face when I told them he was actually mine.

I'm preg with my 4th now at 39, and I haven't gotten a single comment. It may also have to do with where I live. I'm in the Silicon Valley, and a lot of women my age have put off family and kids in favor of career and are having kids later in life. Even more so for the men! A lot of the fathers in my son's kindergarten class are old enough to be grandfathers. Men waiting until their 40s at to have kids around here is the norm.

I'm probably still a bit on the older side, even in this area, but I know at least 3 other women from my high school graduating class who are either pregnant or have young babies/toddlers right now. So it's not that uncommon!

Yeah I would have people walk right up to me and say "I hope you're that baby's sister!" and then when I'd say no people actually demanded to see my driver's license, not once, not twice, but thrice LOL. I'm like WTF really??? Yeah I'll just whip that right out and show you, total stranger. And then a lot of snooty remarks from doctor's offices and stuff like that along the lines of "well, I certainly wasn't ready to have a child when I was 21". Well, I was. Sorry you were so terribly immature LOL.

It prepared me well for gender related rude remarks which even at their worst could never hold a candle to any of those things.

[atomic sagebrush]

I've gotten comments about my age, but mostly as it relates to number of kids. I'm 35 now, but look 25. I'll have 6 kids when I'm done with this pregnancy. People comment I'm too young to have so many kids. For the most part though, I just get comments solely over how many I have, the irresponsibility of being a breeder, etc. There is also the assumption that we receive public assistance because of it, which couldn't be farther from the truth as we're somewhere in the top 10% for income (not that we're wealthy considering how darned expensive everything is).

People are so f#ing rude!!

You know what really ticks me off about the "breeder" angle is that in my family, tons of my and my husband's relatives are childless by choice/circumstance or only had one or two kid(s) per couple. Even if we had had 20 kids, our family overall would still have lost population significantly. Our 5 kids are like a drop in the bucket, at the turn of the century our family was way huge compared to the size of our kids' generation. And more so in my family (DH had a lot of cousins and stuff so even tho his sister is childless by choice, he does have cousins) I have barely any genetic relatives - my sister is childless by choice, there is only me to keep that part of the family alive. People think they are seeing this entire vision of your family but it's just a tiny snapshot.

[Shannshaff]

People are so f#ing rude!!

You know what really ticks me off about the "breeder" angle is that in my family, tons of my and my husband's relatives are childless by choice/circumstance or only had one or two kid(s) per couple. Even if we had had 20 kids, our family overall would still have lost population significantly. Our 5 kids are like a drop in the bucket, at the turn of the century our family was way huge compared to the size of our kids' generation. And more so in my family (DH had a lot of cousins and stuff so even tho his sister is childless by choice, he does have cousins) I have barely any genetic relatives - my sister is childless by choice, there is only me to keep that part of the family alive. People think they are seeing this entire vision of your family but it's just a tiny snapshot.

Oh man do I agree with this! The breeder comments are just RUDE! The funny thing is, at work, they keep asking me if I am going to have anymore! I am 40 now - so if we are lucky enough to have another child, I know it will be the last one. But I also know my family will make the rude comments about another child. They have already made comments that the 10mo should be our last one. Well, really, I am the only one in my family to have kids. My one brother has none by choice and the other was not able to have any with his wife after many years of trying. So I really don't have that many children for the family. So out of the 6 siblings (including the spouses) - there are only 4 in the next generation.
I do not count the child that I gave up for adoption, but he is an only child, so that family is also smaller in the next generation.

[atomic sagebrush]

It does get to me sometimes, the family angle of it. Certain elements of my family are SO unsupportive and negative. They get peeved at us for being financially not able to do things like fly across the country and visit, not having fancy house or cars, not sending the kids to fabulous lessons and camps and opportunities (which I'd love to do of course but they cost too much for ONE kid let alone 5) etc etc etc but we're the only ones raising the kids for the whole lot of them!! WHY would we be able to have the lifestyle and free time of a childless couple? Why should this be held against us when really we are doing the heavy lifting for the entire family while the rest of them fly off to Jamaica or Thailand or wherever they're going this week. I feel like Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men lamenting how anyone dare criticize the job I'm doing standing alone on the wall of childrearing when I'm doing it for everyone. :/ I'm not asking for help, just not being judgemental and critical.

[bigbump]

I have had some very negative reactions to my pregnancies on lots of levels. I've never had any negative reactions about my age though. I was 36 and 39 when I had my boys.

I've had negative reactions bc my husband had 3 children before we married. Mainly from his family. His parents have said some awful things. 'We don't want any more grandchildren' 'he can't have any more children, it's ridiculous!' and various other comments that completely dismissed my feelings on motherhood. Those both particularly stung.

The worst was my step daughter. She was 17 at the time. 'I don't want my dad to have any more children. He's too old and it's disgusting....' That really hurt. When we got pregnant she cried and wouldn't even look at me. I treated her kindly bc she was only 17 and had had a lot to deal with, but I was hurt too. I'd taken on so much, and willingly and happily done so. I felt as though despite this my children wouldn't be welcomed into the family. It was a bit of a slap in the face.

Now we get all the digs about large families. My husband has 5, although 2 are grown up. I laugh it off but it's a bit harsh really, I only have 2 of my own! I don't feel it's excessive to want 2 kids of my own. 3 however...there's a lead balloon waiting to go down...




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[oceancitymom]

I have had some very negative reactions to my pregnancies on lots of levels. I've never had any negative reactions about my age though. I was 36 and 39 when I had my boys.

I've had negative reactions bc my husband had 3 children before we married. Mainly from his family. His parents have said some awful things. 'We don't want any more grandchildren' 'he can't have any more children, it's ridiculous!' and various other comments that completely dismissed my feelings on motherhood. Those both particularly stung.

The worst was my step daughter. She was 17 at the time. 'I don't want my dad to have any more children. He's too old and it's disgusting....' That really hurt. When we got pregnant she cried and wouldn't even look at me. I treated her kindly bc she was only 17 and had had a lot to deal with, but I was hurt too. I'd taken on so much, and willingly and happily done so. I felt as though despite this my children wouldn't be welcomed into the family. It was a bit of a slap in the face.

Now we get all the digs about large families. My husband has 5, although 2 are grown up. I laugh it off but it's a bit harsh really, I only have 2 of my own! I don't feel it's excessive to want 2 kids of my own. 3 however...there's a lead balloon waiting to go down...




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Wow, that sounds really tough. Bless you for continuing to be kind to the 17-year-old - that must have taken the patience of Job. I'm glad your husband was able to ignore his family's rude comments. He must adore you.

[bigbump]

Thank you. He is a keeper! And an amazing dad. In fairness his family are lovely too in the main, just people are thoughtless sometimes. If I'd met him earlier is have had more children for sure. I love the whole big family thing. 2 was what we planned in light of the 3 he already had and our ages. At the end of the day it's no one else's business what you decide as a couple for your family unit. Do what is right for you and don't look back oceancitymom.

P.s. My husband is 52 and our youngest is 10 months old. So 44/45 sounds quite young to me!


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[atomic sagebrush]

I just want to thank you BB for being kind to your stepdaughter. My stepmom has always been very kind to me and it really, really has meant a lot over my life - I really admire those of you who treat their stepchildren with compassion.