Am I crazy for wanting to have another child?

[Dreamsister]

Let me start by saying that I know that only I can make this decision for myself. I'm just looking for some feedback from those of you who have experienced the same doubts, fears, etc.

I'm approaching my fertile period for July, and I've noticed as each months window approaches, my anxiety goes up regarding the risks involved with having another baby. I had a life threatening complication at the end of my last pregnancy. It was HELLP syndrome - a very severe cousin of preeclampsia. I also have an autoimmune disease. (MS) These things are part of the reason why DH and I put off even thinking about another child for so long. That, and my DH lost 2 jobs over the years. My only child (DS) will be 10 in July. As I approached 40, I started feeling like my family wasn't complete, and I know with my age, it's kind of a now or never thing at this point.

I've thoroughly researched pregnancy and MS, and the risk of HELLP syndrome occurring again. MS tends to improve during pregnancy. (Because of hormones the immune system is lowered during pregnancy) The risk of HELLP syndrome is there, but I would be very closely monitored next time.

I know for some people it may sound crazy for me to even be considering it with these obstacles, but I don't want to give up my dream out of fear. Have any of you faced something like this, where it's a major leap of faith to get pregnant again?

Thanks for listening. [emoji4]

I can totally relate to your doubts. I am also 41,5 and have tons of doubts about having another child at this age. But my desire is stronger than my boring rational mind who tells me it is safer to stay with my family as it is..

I agree with what everyone have already said: Go for it, give it a try. You can give it a year and then evaluate. Don't think to much about it. Just do it and see what happens. Have faith that what ever happens it is ok.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Kittybear]

My perspective is that of an only child.

As a kid, i really wanted a sibling (all my friends had 1, why not me? And they looked pretty fun! ) I asked my mum if I'd get a baby brother or sister 1 day and she'd give a noncommittal 'well maybe...' And I got the picture as a teen that it wasn't happening. To be frank, I (mostly) loved being an only child as a teen as I was spoilt rotten (pretty much still am if I'm honest lol) and I got away with a LOT (but my parents were fairly liberal) but I did miss having someone to see things from 'my perspective'.

It is only as I have gotten older that I have started really feeling the space where my sibling would have been. It hit me particularly hard whilst clearing my grandparents' house as I realised that there is only ME after my parents have gone Please god this is not for MANY years yet, and I hope that my husband and kids will help me but it is not the same as having someone to share that entire family experience and all of those memories... Once I have forgotten them, there is no one to remind me and so much of my history has already just disappeared...

It was the reason why, even though I had bad GD the first time round, I was absolutely determined that my son would not have my same experience. Yes he will not be financially spoilt in the way I was but I strongly believe the emotional benefit of having his brother far outweighs this (even with my horrible GD both times).

My mum often tells me how sorry she is now that she never had the 'courage' to have another child (her pregnancy was difficult with me and she had undiagnosed ppd I am sure). That is a very big regret of hers.

I say just do it, and the sooner the better. Your son will not have the same experience as my boys (who are close in age) but hopefully he is old enough to help/ understand about sharing/ be a confidante for his younger sibling. The difference between them WILL be stark at this young age, there is no getting round that, however it will lessen as they get older. My dad is nearly 10 years older than my uncle but that is of no consequence now they are both middle aged men and indeed the same was true since they were 20 and 30 or so.

Good luck in your decision! x

[bigbump]

I am a similar age to you. I have 2 children with my husband aged 4 and 1 (on Friday!) my boys have another 3 half siblings aged 23, 21 and 8. I totally agree with atomic 's 'uncle' comparison. My eldest stepkids are fantastic with the little ones. They play and teach them and just enjoy their company. I think society generally worries too much about age gaps. There are benefits to siblings at any age and equally no guarantees of a great relationship at any age either. But for me this is a question about you. I think you already know the answer too. Don't look back in 5 years and regret not trying. That would be a sad place to be. Good luck!!


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[Girlieplease]

Kittybear I love that quote "how strange is it to miss someone who never has existed" I always think it sums up exactly how I feel!

[Katt2275]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I read them with my DH, and we really appreciated hearing your perspectives. I'm due to ovulate sometime this next week, so we'll see if I chicken out or not. [emoji4]

[fknonl1ne]

That's so sweet. Sounds like a supportive DH. Go for it!!

[Katt2275]

Well, we had our attempt....sort of. Lol. I was on top, and I jumped off shortly after DH had already starting finishing. (Sorry to be so graphic. [emoji5] ) So some went in but most of it didn't. The fear just started taking over my mind. I was definitely at my peak fertile time, so I guess conception is possible but not probable.

[fknonl1ne]

Well, we had our attempt....sort of. Lol. I was on top, and I jumped off shortly after DH had already starting finishing. (Sorry to be so graphic. [emoji5] ) So some went in but most of it didn't. The fear just started taking over my mind. I was definitely at my peak fertile time, so I guess conception is possible but not probable.

L-O-L!

[atomic sagebrush]

What did DH say to that?? Huge hugs and I am just wishing you peace of mind no matter what.

[1moregirl]

Don't be scared Hun. My God....I'm 44 and still trying, so if you're scared I should be terrified. Lol!