Anyone ever have second thoughts?

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes exactly and the grass is greener for me too, of course - I very well could have hated growing up in a big family too and just like Serenity says, they had their own personal issues as well.

EVery situation has its benefits and downsides and sometimes I think we focus too much on the idea that there is some "perfect" idea when things are done "right". I guess my point is simply that because we're sold a bill of goods in 2016 that the "right" way to do things is to have lots of one on one individualized time and money per child that doesn't necessarily mean it it the case or the ONLY "correct" way to do things, and that anyone who doesn't is therefore being highly irresponsible. I could have done with a little less of that one on one time haha. I just hate to see people think that if they have more kids than the norm, that it meant they are somehow letting their kids down or harming them when really there are no right or wrongs and good things and bad things about every situation under the sun.

[Serenity]

I just hate to see people think that if they have more kids than the norm, that it meant they are somehow letting their kids down or harming them when really there are no right or wrongs and good things and bad things about every situation under the sun.

You know, I think I really DO think I am letting my boys down by considering having another baby. I feel like I am being selfish, and letting my wish for a daughter override their day to day needs. And that's really ridiculous, because I have recently quit the face-to-face part of my job and now I work from home, which means that all I will be doing is sitting around writing occasional emails and putting around the house for most of the day while my boys are at school and preschool. I have SO MUCH ROOM in my life for another little person, and honestly, nothing in the world would make me happier.

Maybe my boys would benefit from a really happy mom...

[atomic sagebrush]

It gets even more obvious as they get older. I had my first two boys and raised them in a very hands on, one on one way, which was great and I loved that experience, but do you know what happened?? They grew UP!! Those inconsiderate little twerps went and grew up on me!! Suddenly they wanted to do their own things and while we did and do remain close, I just had so much more time and love to give to other children. They won't be little forever and they're going to WANT you to have something else to occupy your time other than their Instagram pages haha.

When I got pregnant with my 3rd, I had zero gender desire either way. I just wanted another baby. My older boys were 13 and 16 when he was born and had not needed (nor welcomed LOL) massive quantities of one on one attention from me for probably 5-7 years before that. I think we really overestimate their need for hands-on mothering and underestimate their need for freedom and personal space as they get older - the level they need from you just doesn't stay the same as they get older as it does when they're little.

[essnce629]

As an only child (till my parents divorced, remarried, and had children when I was much much older) I will say that the opposite is true too - I felt that my parents were TOO focused on me and had too much time, energy, interest, and self-esteem riding on "how I turned out". It was a terrible amount of pressure and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I think that the grass is always greener and while someone from a family of 4,5,6 may think "oh my parents never had enough time for me" there are also tons of benefits to having siblings and to have less parental attention. I'm not sure kids need as much parenting as we have been told by the "experts" and some parents (at least, MY parents LOL) actually cause long lasting harm by having in essence too much time and energy to expend worrying about every tiny detail in a child's life. :/

Yes! I was an only child and HATED it! Every birthday wish, Santa wish, prayer, wishing well wish, was for a baby sister! That was up until my parents got divorced when I was 10 and then my dad also went on to have more children (who I barely know). I actually think my only child childhood is why my desire for a daughter is so strong. I always wanted a sister and when that didn't happen, I just assumed I'd be able to fill that void with a daughter one day (three daughters actually is what I hoped for)! Because I am an only child my kids have no cousins and our family just seems so small and boring. My DH has one sibling, a brother, who lives on the other side of the world in Vietnam and doesn't have kids yet. His parents live in Connecticut and we're in California. My DH has only one aunt, who never had kids, so he also has zero cousins and grew up with just his parents and single set of grandparents. I get jealous of all the people I know with lots of siblings and therefore lots of cousins for their kids to grow up with. It's one of the reasons I always wanted 3-5 kids (although I think 3 would be my limit now), so that eventually our family can be bigger with a better chance of having cousins, aunts and uncles, large family gatherings, etc.

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[atomic sagebrush]

and while this is not a concern yet for most of us thankfully and hopefully never will be, it was really hard when my husband's dad got sick because there was only he and his sister and we lived really far away. It's a lot to ask one child to shoulder that whole burden for sure.

[atomic sagebrush]

And before anyone chimes in here, we mention these things not to make anyone who chooses to have 1-2 kids by choice or circumstance to feel bad. We are responding to the poster's concerns that she was somehow doing her kids wrong by pursuing a desire to have a third. I feel that the social pressure is overwhelmingly towards small families and so we mention this not to put down small families, but simply as a counterpoint to the conventional wisdom that there are no benefits to larger families and that we as parents are being somehow selfish and harming our children, if we should so choose to have more children than the current norm of our society.

[srg09cag11]

I feel this very much when considering whether or not to have a fourth child. My three girls now drive me absolutely crazy at times, but there is a gap between #2 and #3, and I often think how nice it would be for #3 to have a playmate close in age like the first two do! However, I definitely worry that I'm already spread too thin with three; how could I possibly manage a fourth?! I don't feel done, and my husband seems to want to go one more time (we both agree that is our limit). We shall see!