Team Green or Gender Scan

[atomic sagebrush]

Tricky one, am currently pregnant with DS3, I swayed hard for a girl, I have a dd my eldest. I found via the harmony test that this current pregnancy was a boy, my gd was extreme and I would say it has ruined this pregnancy, I was very distressed for a long time, detached from the pregnancy, refused to tell people I was pregnant. I am slowly but surely getting there but I still wish I had not got pregnant. My husband wonders if it would have been better to have waited until the birth and maybe seeing the baby as a person would have moderated my reaction. I am not sure, I would be so terrified to feel those feelings when I had a wee baby to care for and not sleeping etc. We could not go team green as we needed to tell my dd the sex of the baby when we told her we were pregnant. I knew she would want a sister, she took the news badly so letting her get her hopes up that it was a girl to be disappointed at the birth would have been awful!

Good luck x

exactly. I would not want to have experienced the feelings I felt at my ultrasound with DS 3 when looking at a beautiful small human being that needed me.

[Kyslate85]

Thank you ladies! I don't have much patience and I feel like waiting would take some bonding away. With DS4 I cried when I found out he was a boy, on more than one occasion. Eventually I got over it and forgot that I ever even wanted a girl. I have read somewhere that some woman wait to find out in hopes that they would not get GD. It sounds like for most that it was important to know so you could bond and accept your babies gender. If I did conceive a girl I would definitely want pink/purple, ruffles and dresses. Not yellow and green . And since we thought we were done, we gave away all of our baby boy clothes! I guess if my husband wants to wait, he doesn't have to find out.

[Throwaway_panther]

This is one where I wish we could tell you for sure, but I think it depends on so many things.

With me, I desperately wanted a boy but had a girl, and we found out at the anatomy scan (and I was fairly certain by the nub shot at 13w, even though it was ambiguous enough that other people couldn't guess).

We decided to keep the sex a secret for a variety of reasons, but everyone ever thought I was having a boy. If I had gone green, and had been wanting a boy, I can't imagine how I'd have felt when my DD was born considering how strongly people felt it was a boy (and I did have 95% boy old wives tales). I'm sure I would have still felt the same bond with her that I do, but I also wonder if my postpartum experience in general would have been very different.

That said, I had an awful, awful pregnancy mostly because of how miserable I was at not having my desired sexed baby. And my misery was already in those first 20 weeks dreading having a girl, anyway. I know I'd find out with Harmony at 10w next time, for sure.

But then, I'm also of the mindset that I'm not exactly sure how enjoyable pregnancy can really be anyway, so why not work through the issues BEFORE the labor and even harder stuff with a newborn, haha

[XXforhubby]

I'm such a planner and have to know! Luckily all my children revealed what they were!

While I personally cannot go team green, I'm thinking of not telling people what we are having until the baby is born. People will already have their minds made up what we are having anyway, since this is our fourth. We don't reveal the baby's name until birth anyway, so people don't need to know we are not team green!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]

[BrightSky]

I think if I was to have another one I would find out the gender, but like xxforhubby keep it to ourselves. I found out with my first, mainly so I could get organised, with the second I had so much stuff I didnt factor that in. If you have given away your baby clothes, it might be good to find out so you can get prepared again. You might get clues along the way ie at the 12 week scan that could influence your decision. My clues pointed boy, so I decided to let the idea sink in and if it was a girl it would be a nice surprise. I think if the clues had pointed girl I would have found out - I would have hated to go on thinking it was a girl if it wasn't.

Thank you ladies! I don't have much patience and I feel like waiting would take some bonding away. With DS4 I cried when I found out he was a boy, on more than one occasion. Eventually I got over it and forgot that I ever even wanted a girl. I have read somewhere that some woman wait to find out in hopes that they would not get GD. It sounds like for most that it was important to know so you could bond and accept your babies gender. If I did conceive a girl I would definitely want pink/purple, ruffles and dresses. Not yellow and green . And since we thought we were done, we gave away all of our baby boy clothes! I guess if my husband wants to wait, he doesn't have to find out.

[MiaMelb]

Very pleased to read others thoughts on this too.
I have no idea what I would do, I have a foot in so many camps on this one.
Enjoyed a suprise with DD1. Knew we were planning on having more kids so was only mildly disappointed as I imagined a boy the whole pregnancy.
Found out at our 12 week scan with DD2. I'd always thought we'd only have 2 kids so wanted to know so I could get over any disappointment before the birth. Spent many weeks checking the likelihood of the 12 week scan being wrong and then worked through my feelings of GD during the pregnancy. Wouldn't say I was completely over it by the birth, although I adore her immensely. Haven't worked through them completely yet either hence being here.
If/when we go for #3 I'm in two minds. I like the idea of the surprise as that way I can enjoy the pregnancy and the hope not knowing provides. I'd convince myself it was another girl, which wouldn't be hard, so that I wasn't disappointed if it was. I also like the idea of finding out but not telling anyone that you've found out. That way I could work through any feelings of disappointment, and hopefully most people would lay off about the gender if they think I don't know. Guess that relies on some decent acting skills which would be hard. Think others would also be less likely to make some of the unintentional hurtful comments "oh another girl" if the baby is actually here. Having said that if I found out it was a boy don't know if I could contain my excitement for the rest of the pregnancy.
Definately a very personal decision with pros and cons each way.

[Pbn3]

This is one of those catch 22's.....

On one hand we all (including myself) like to think if we are told at birth that bub is a boy that we would be ok because how could you not fall in love with your newborn right? And if your told 'girl!' well I'm sure we've all played out that scenario in our head!! My only advice is, if you've suffered from any form of depression previously then maybe you are better off finding out and getting help with any depression prior to bubs birth. I only say this as the hormonal change and possible postnatal blues could really knock you for six.

This is coming from someone who has had three losses in 12 months but STILL questions how she'll feel when she hears boy if she gets pregnant again (amd deals daily with the guilt for thinking so) ..... I like to think and say I really don't care as long as bub is healthy BUT that still doesn't stop me from dreaming that 'it's a girl!' moment but now I sound like a hypocrite because I have suffered from depression (stemming from my losses) and am currently still on antidepressants but at this stage if I got pregnant I personally would stay team green because this would be my very last baby so that sways strongly towards team green and I also think once you've battled depression you can recognise it more easily for what it is and therefore be better equipped to deal with it. So sorry for rambling on and I hope this makes some kind of sense....

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48

[lindz]

I needed to find out with this baby. At the 19 week scan, both my husband and I thought it was a girl based on what we did see(she turned off the screen while she was doing the in depth look) but from a quick look we were like no penis, yay! We did a gender reveal, and it was a boy. I can't imagine how I'd feel thinking this whole time it was a girl. I like having the nursery done and could never pick a gender neutral theme if I was having a girl. I'd need to go all out with pink and girly decorations. I'd also hate everyone guessing it's a girl, and getting my hopes up. I think it's better for me to have coped with my gender disappointment throughout the pregnancy because trying to cope with it while taking care of a newborn would have been so hard for me. If you know you'll be excited about just having a baby in general, I could see being team green, but I know for me i would take the healthy baby being born for granted, and focus on what I don't have, and it would get in the way of my bonding with him


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[Greydore]

I've done it both ways, and I wouldn't do team green again. I had no gender preference for either of my boys. To me, team green wasn't 'worth' the wait if that makes sense. Everyone thought he was a boy, so it wasn't much of a surprise when he was. I enjoyed finding out at the 20 week ultrasound with our second, and knowing he was a boy meant I could relax and use all of his brother's old stuff. Looking back, I have no idea how I made it through my first pregnancy not knowing. I loved knowing my second was a boy and bonding with him before birth.

[coralsky]

I have also done it both ways, and agree that I def. preferred knowing ahead of the birth. With DS1 I was team green (at DHs request) and I did find the 'shock' of GD hindered the initial bonding a little bit (only a little- but still.. I think it would have been worse if he wasn't my first, because with my first I knew there would *hopefully* be another chance, as I definitely wanted another in the future). So for DS2 we found out early (DH did not have a choice in that!) and although I felt the GD stronger that time (2 was our ideal number of kids) I MUCH preferred it that way, because by the time he was born, I had made my peace with the fact he wasn't a girl, and had worked through a lot of the GD stuff in my head, so was much more able to feel excited to meet him, and I did feel the initial bond much stronger that time (which I know was completely due to the fact I knew the sex ahead of the birth). I do understand your dilemma because I was a bit scared to find out early (afraid of the disappointment) but the way I reasoned was- if the pregnancy was my DG, then it wouldn't matter when I found out, I would be ecstatic - so I thought to myself- ok, if I assume it is a boy, when would be better to know- now or later? And I realised that 100% the answer to that was NOW, because the longer I went on not knowing the stronger the 'shock' of the disappointment would likely be. So- for me, it was completely and utterly the right decision to find out asap. Best of luck whichever way you choose xx
Oh and PS. I also liked being able to shop for 'non-gender-neutral' baby clothes before baby arrived, as I found I did not have as much time for shopping with a newborn! lol.