Swaying after Miscarriage

[rainbowflower]

Will you get any answers about why it happened? Apologies if that's a silly quesetion, over here they make you wait for 3 losses before giving you any tests and I'm not familiar with policy in other countries.

I conceived my DS a few months after my loss (we'd seen the baby alive and "well" at a scan at 9 weeks and had been so so happy, I hadn't expected anything to go wrong either after that. I was worried, but I thought I was being irrational and everyone else told me I was being irrational for worrying too when my odds were so good after that).
My point is, had I never had that loss we could never have conceived my "rainbow baby" - can't imagine life without him now. I won't lie and I still grieve my first ever baby even nearly 2 years on, but William has cushioned the pain a lot. I think we also appreciate it all a bit more too and I hope that it makes us better parents for being so lucky to have him. I hope that makes sense. Hope you get a rainbow baby too.

[Mochagirl]

Thanks, rainbow. No - the baby likely died many weeks ago and I miscarried it naturally at home, so I'll never get any answers. That's ok - I feel better knowing the baby was likely sick from the start and never meant to be. I'm thankful we never heard or saw a heartbeat or the loss would have been harder.

I like to think my angel baby will always watch over my family. And one gift my angel gave me is that though I still want a girl with all my heart, gender is just a teeny bit less important to me. I think I'll be so relieved if I get a healthy baby next time that my gd won't be quite as severe if it's a boy.

[LolaInLove]

Hey Mocha....I hope you are doing ok. My heart really goes out to you as I know exactly what you are going through. I think it is comforting to think that the baby was sick and wouldn't have made it anyway. As painful as nature can be sometimes, she does the right thing.

I think I posted this in the over 35 thread, but I can add a few tidbits to the discussion.

I conceived my 1st DD two weeks after my 1st m/c, which was just a chemical. My DH and I (this was the ex) dtd only once or twice, and it was around O time. I remember going to the doc for my post m/c check up, and I told her I felt pg again and she laughed. And then they did a beta and I laughed. Ha. Anyway, when I had the m/c in January at 5 wks, which was technically a chemical also, the doc told me to wait a few months. Being older ourselves (that m/c was on my 35th birthday of course, just to make me feel old and broken as all hell), we decided to wait a month, so we gave February a pass and then conceived again in March, which I lost at a hair under 10wks. After that one, my doc asked us to PLEASE wait 3 months, and we did, but of course, now we are having real problems conceiving again, which is weird, and of course, my DH did the old SA and it came back really bad, so we are just in limbo/whatever land now. But, I will say that when I went back at 6 weeks for my check after the last m/c, I was about to ovulate, and the u/s showed a nice big follie about to erupt and also a very good lining, so I suspect it just depends on how your body bounces back. I think if you really up your vitamins and eat very nutritiously (which probably means no LE diet, unfortunately) your body can bounce back faster. Which sucks if you are ttc a girl.

Maybe it would be worth it to have a really healthy month now and then get back to the diet (honestly I can't even remember if you are doing that, but I think so) the next month from AF-O? Just a thought. I know how you feel though, waiting 3 months was an eternity, but we really REALLY freaked about our eggs/sperm being bunk due to age after the 2nd one in a row, so we told ourselves that the 3 months was our time to really beef up our antioxidants and try to make the healthiest eggs and sperm possible.

I hope that long diatribe was somewhat helpful. Just know that you can and will conceive again fairly soon.....seems like you guys are still nice and fertile. Just do what feels best to you. I say if you don't want to wait, then don't. If you feel like you can take a month and it would ease your mind to do so, go for it. Many docs just give you the 3 months off prescription on robot mode because it's the standard or something.

Hope you are doing ok and feeling better, hun. xxoo

[LolaInLove]

Oh, and I forgot to add that YES, after a loss you definitely don't have a stress-free time, but hopefully you will enjoy the pregnancy after all seems well around 12 weeks or so. And I also will have zero GD if I have another girl. Losses and infertility (and just getting older) really put gender desire on the backburner to just plain and simple baby desire!

[Out of the Blue]

Mocha, & again! I hope this thread will help others out there...

“1) The first cycle after a m/c (before your first period) sways girl”
Everyone tells me that it does sway girl and I was very tempted to do it when I got my first O back (11-11-11) but we decided not to go for it b/c as much as I just want to get this show on the road and be preg again, I was afraid those past 16 wks of pregnancy would not sway hard enough as I had gained those 10lbs and my diet had changed (BOY FRIENDLY!!!). I also just wanted to take some time to make sure I was in the right place mentally. In addition, I hate the number 11 now as this year has been such a terrible year with too many losses (please, please let 2012 be a great year!). DH almost wanted to wait until Jan to TTC so we can wipe the slate clean of 2011 but I can’t wait that long. We’ll TTC on the next O after my first AF.

“2) It is safe to try to conceive again right away?”
Who knows…??? It’s funny how doctors say one thing and midwives, etc. say another…I’m hoping TTC after my 1st AF will be okay. To anyone out there, I say do your research and go w/your gut on this one!

In my case, we will never really know what happened with our twins…the 1st was lost too early on for any testing and our 2nd looked completely perfect at birth, all organs intact and functional according to the report. No signs of any Trisomy issues that the earlier blood work pointed to. Just that darn cord wrapped so very tightly around her neck. At the NT scan several wks earlier everything was perfect according to the Dr. but I saw the cord going upwards in all the shots but didn’t think anything of it and the Dr. said nothing, probably b/c there is nothing they could have done and he didn’t want to alarm me. I am wondering if the unfavorable blood work was due to the cord around her neck earlier on as she was slowly dying. Maybe the cord issue was even caused by a Trisomy issue...??? We had an appt w/that Dr. last Fri, but we ultimately decided to cancel it b/c if he were to say my next pregnancy would likely have the same issue, etc., I don’t know how I could get the courage and mental soundness to TTC again. We could go IVF but we just don’t’ want to right now, especially if we don’t have to. We just decided to leave things as they are and try not to question anything as even that Dr. wouldn’t be able to give us definite answers, just some statistics on what happened and what would happen w/future births. Maybe I’m sticking my head in the sand but at least right now, I have found peace and am hoping it remains. I had 2 healthy pregnancies before this with 2 wonderful lads and we are so very thankful for that. I am also thankful for this experience because it has brought clarity to our lives. We are honored and humbled to be their parents even though they are angels now.

I will be a basket case though out my next and any subsequent pregnancies…I feel like I have been robbed of the joy and wonder of pregnancy and I won’t be able to settle down until the next baby gets here safely. It’s unfortunate but true.

And I also will have zero GD if I have another girl. Losses and infertility (and just getting older) really put gender desire on the backburner to just plain and simple baby desire!

Lola, you’re right! But I honestly cannot say whether or not my GD will be gone. I think having a healthy baby will soften it a bit but in my case, I suspect it’ll still be there (and I feel very guilty of that…sigh…shouldn’t it be enough to have a healthy baby, especially after losing these two…??? UGH.). I cannot even let myself think of GD, right now as there is so much more at risk right now…After a healthy baby, I’ll just have to deal w/GD then if it’s there.

[rainbowflower]

you're right Mocha, it does change your perspective. I will never ever be able to relax before a scan again - seeing a LIVING baby on there instead of a motionless one is all I want, gender comes second to me really.

[Mochagirl]

Thanks ladies - you're all so wonderful to share your stories and advice.

Lola - I am doing the LE diet, but I'm trying to do it in the healthiest way possible. Atomic has been helping me to come up with high iron meals that loosely stay within the diet (spinach salad with beans and chopped egg), and I'm letting myself eat up to 50g of protein instead of just 40g. I'm also eating whole grains here and there and not worrying so much about the occasional cheat.

I think at this point I'm going to wait to see when (and if) I O and go with my gut then. I like to think anyway that if my body's not ready I just won't get pregnant that cycle. Maybe fate will decide this for me and I won't ovulate until after af anyway.

So far, a week after my m/c, I feel physically ok. The bleeding has slowed to the tiniest bit of brown spotting, I'm feeling energetic again, etc. Emotionally I have my ups and downs. Most of the time I focus on my hopes for the future and feel ok, but every once in a while something triggers the tears.

Jen - I definitely hear you on 2011 being a crappy year. In the past 3 months I had to put my kitty to sleep, discovered that my father has bowel cancer, and now this. I just know 2012 is going to be a great year of new beginnings for both of us .

[mandicane]

Hi Mocha, I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. I know how you feel as I had a m/c with my very first pregnancy. My input might be redundant and a little late but I let one period come before I started trying again and one was all i got as I fell pregnant with my son. I also heard conflicting advice on trying after a m/c and I decided to just go for it. It felt right to me and it was right because I have a beautiful, healthy little boy because i listened to my instincts. Trust your self and just go for it. hugs to you!

[Mochagirl]

Awww...thanks, mandicane! I'm currently exactly 2 weeks past my m/c, and I finally got a BFN, so I finally feel like things are progressing. I also am starting to show signs that O *could* be coming any day now, and I'm considering going for it.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh gee whiz, I thought I had commented on this thread!!

What a great thread and (((Hugs))) and love to you all.

The only thing I can add is that my understanding is that some people want you to wait one cycle to make sure that all the tissue (and even cells) have been passed to ensure there is no risk of infection.

Doctors talk a good game but they know about 3% of why anything really happens if that even. Take their advice with a grain of salt because I think they speculate A LOT and just do things sometimes so they can appear that they know WTF is going on and that they are in control.

I'm with ya in the 2011 SUCKS clan. Can't wait for 2012, even if the Mayans were right it has to be an improvement!