I would set a time for a talk with DH, his parents, and your parents if possible. With son in the other room or off with a babysitter. Start of by saying that you need to say something and you want to be heard completely and everyone can have a turn to talk after you are done. Say what is on your mind, feelings you have when they talk about a girl, and whatever. Make sure they understand that if they choose to treat #2 differently if it was a boy that none of your children will be involved with them. No matter the gender both should be treated the same and they should know that they are both loved equally. Your DS1 can pick up on what the adults are feeling and doing and he may treat his younger sibling poorly as well.


I guess I am lucky for many reasons. My MIL is very close to DS1 and he sleeps in her bed when we visit. She calls both boys her favorite boys. I do not let this get to me because she is the only Grandma in their lives (my mom=never, and my step mom doesn't get involved). I am happy that she is always willing to make the boys happy and feel safe. We drive 4hrs 2-4x's a mth to see her. I made sure she was even involved with the boy's delivery. She stays for weeks to take care of me mostly but also to spoil the babies early..... My MIL is a "grandma" to her step-grandduaghter and also her sisters two grandkids (B and G). She only allowed to attend one of their births but want to be at them all. She treats them the same as my boys. She loves them all equally. But my DS1 does have a very close attachment to her and everyone can see it... My MIL has always said she wanted a girl even when she was pregnant with her only son, when we were pregnant with both boys, and even now. But none of this has affected how she treats them or loves them.