How do you tell relatives about pregnancy when they aren't going to be supportive?

**TTC5** · March 16th, 2012, 04:22 PM

Thats awful POP

**Princess of Pink** · March 16th, 2012, 04:31 PM

She told me last year that she was wrong...that having 5 children was a great thing and she takes it back...that I was right and she wouldn't want to change it for the world. Nice to hear but I will still be telling her via internet or mail lol

**Mochagirl** · March 16th, 2012, 05:57 PM

I dreaded telling my family. We're overextended too, and I just knew they'd judge. I never got a chance to tell them with my last pregnancy because I had my m/c a week before I was planning to break the news. With my permission, my mom told them about the m/c, and that's the first they heard about the pregnancy. Because of how they found out the news, of course I didn't get any negative comments. It made it easier to break the news this time because it wasn't a surprise. I sent them a pic from my 12 week scan and made sure to defend why we're having another in that email (they know I want a girl, but I also said we waNted an even number of kids, which is true). Basically my email made it clear that we're happy and no one should try to challenge that.

I think in your situation I'd definitely use email too, announce it as happily as possible and leave no room for them to criticize.

**Cinss** · March 16th, 2012, 07:25 PM

Maybe it can be up to you to let your side of the family know, and leave it up to your DH to tell his side? If there is any negative comment from someone i would say "what is your problem with me living my life the way i choose to?".

**bubbaboo** · March 16th, 2012, 11:40 PM

Hi Hobbermittens - this bugs me - I hate it that people think that they have right to put two bobs worth in. I am hearing you on this one. If we are so lucky to be able to have another one then yes we will be dreading telling parents and in-laws and relatives and some friends. It really makes it hard knowing that out of this beautiful joy and miracle of life that there would be people that would be dissappointed. We have considered telling them oops it was an "accident" baby that was just meant to be. You could try that .......OOPS! We are pregnant but HOORAY!!!!

Good luck and don't let anyone rain on your parade. This is your life and you and your husband are big enough to be able to deal with your own decisions (tell em)! It sounds like the family are out of state anyway so they don't have to worry about looking after them (as is the situation with us)!!!!!

Keep smiling and enjoy your pregnancy.

**atomic sagebrush** · March 17th, 2012, 10:19 AM

I've told people VERY late in pg (5 and 7 months) when I didn't think they'd be supportive. Did it in Christmas cards both times (so I'm thinking Mother's Day or something like that!). I have found that even in good circumstances certain people think it's odd or even morally wrong to have more than 1 kid and there's no pleasing them anyway. I never made any secret about my desire for a big family, I guess people were hoping I'd change my mind!

**atomic sagebrush** · March 17th, 2012, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by Princess of Pink

She told me last year that she was wrong...that having 5 children was a great thing and she takes it back...that I was right and she wouldn't want to change it for the world. Nice to hear but I will still be telling her via internet or mail lol

Good point and I have had one of my most vocal critics recant and tell me what a great job I did (my older sons are very nice boys so I get away with a lot more now than when I was 20 LOL) She never came right out and said she was wrong, but near enough for me!

Still tho, I'm really sorry your mom said that.

**atomic sagebrush** · March 17th, 2012, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by Princess of Pink

Make a really creative card...like an announcement...and post it out to everyone you don't expect to hear good things from. I did that with DD#5....but I hid my pregnancy until 20 weeks when I got my amnio results and announced gender and name at the same time!

That is EXACTLY what I would do if I had a 5th. No one would ever know UNTIL I know gender.

**atomic sagebrush** · March 17th, 2012, 10:32 AM

You know what annoys me the most about this, is that people don't take any consideration into the fact that you have a limited amount of time to even HAVE babies. So yeah, you may be a little overextended for a few years there but at the same time, what are we supposed to do, postpone it until we're independently wealthy which will never happen and then just hope and pray we can still get pg then?? And then if you do wait till you're older, there are no guarantees that you'll be any better off financially anyway - we waited for 13 years trying to get in a better place financially to have more and I was REALLY lucky that I was able to get pg at all, let alone as easily as I did.

**Flava** · March 17th, 2012, 10:35 AM

Yeah just send email to all and tell them no negative comments are welcome. It's easier to write then talk anyway.
In this Im lucky because everyone is really faraway from us so we can't even talk to them in person and they don't know that Im pregnant even if I have a big tummy lol.
But we do have to tell them in one point and I know they are waiting for a boy

DH has no brothers and so the inlaws sure would love a grandson.
Im sure I just let DH tell them so i don't have to lol.

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