Number of children

[Mommabee]

Pretty normal where I live to have 3+...and a lot of the people I know either have a pp or all boys. Personally, I'm 1 of 5 and I have 3 sisters and 1 brother so my mom ALWAYS got the "oh, you're like the little engine that could, huh?" or "now you can stop having kids". People are so rude sometimes!

[atomic sagebrush]

Yeah, Z-B I worry about that stuff too. Money's definitely tight for us, but I'm also finding the older I get the less energy I have to be a 'good' mom. DS3 spends far more time playing electronic games and watching tv than his older brothers did, and I'm sure I'll be even worse with my DD. We're definitely done with 4, though, so I keep thinking (hoping) things will get easier when my twins get old enough to be a teeny bit more self sufficient and less high maintenance, then I'll only have 2 to worry about...until they hit their teens, at least!

sometimes tho, that can be a good thing for kids! I was an only child for 11 years and it was SUPER STRESSFUL to have all my parents' attention on me all the time. It's like they wanted be to be good at everything, perfect all the time and I could never get a break from it. It was crazymaking. (not that that is true for every family with an only child, but it was true for me.) Plus, since I didn't have anyone to play with I also spent a LOT of time watching TV. Also, my parents were never forced to be "all in" as parents because there was only one of me so our house/lives were not kid friendly at all. None of their friends had kids and the families that did have kids, it wasn't a good match. So I was with grownups or alone It was a very lonesome existence.

Even with my first two boys, DH and I were way too perfectionistic and worried about their milestones and accomplishments to a fault (again, I'm sure this is not true for all moms of two, it was true for me though) and esp. with our oldest son, we had unrealistically high expectations of him and were kinda critical much of the time, and I don't think it was good for him at all.

Now with my little two, I do a lot less hovering and they do their own thing a lot more, and the crazy thing is that they are just as accomplished academically - as much as you can be at 2 and 4 - and even better at doing things like dressing themselves, playing together nicely, picking up toys and so on.

[begonia]

I love threads of this nature, great post ZB!

One is really rare where we live. Most people have 2 or 3; 3 is really quite common, and the joke is frequently that "3 is the new 2." 4 is unusual but not unheard of. On my street we have 2 families of 4, 7 families of 3, and 4 families of 2. Loads of the 3 kid families had PP to start with, but there are plenty of 3 girl and 3 boy families around. To your point, toomanyboys, re: large families and high incomes, what I see in our area is that high and low income households tend to have more kids, but true middle income families more often stick to 2.

I love the idea of raising a larger family and can absolutely see us having a 4th. If we already had a mix I'd definitely have a 4th; it really is just the gender thing holding me back and I don't know if I can get past that. The funny thing is 3 doesn't really even feel "big" to me. I think because 3 is so normal in our area 3 feels like ... normal. I don't consider myself to be raising a big family at this point.

[sugarNspice]

I live in an area with lots of young professionals, lots of academics, and low-ranked public schools, so a lot of couples tend to send their children to super-expensive private schools, and to allow astronomically high educational costs to play a large role in their decisions about family size.

Most families in my neighborhood have 1-2 children, and I really feel like an outlier (and a bit of an oddball) for wanting 3. But I was an only, and was sometimes isolated, bored and unhappy during my childhood, and I've ALWAYS wanted more than one.

Watching my two DDs play together is the most moving, amazing and beautiful thing I've ever seen. I've been blessed with siblings who generally get along well, I think, but still... they both benefit SO much from each other's company. From having each other they've learned to share, to compromise and to have empathy. DD#2 has learned all sorts of skills from DD#1--everything from drinking from a cup to recognizing letters has come earlier and more easily to her than it did with my first. And DD#1 has learned how to be gentle with a baby, how to have patience, and how to be fair. She's also learned that her needs are not the most important thing in the world. And both of my daughters get less attention than DD#1 did when she was an only, which I think is a huge benefit--they learn to solve problems on their own (or even better, together), they learn to entertain themselves, and they're under less pressure from us as parents. In a world with scarce and limited resources the lessons that kids learn from sharing with siblings are going to become increasingly important, I think. (that is, it's essential for people to learn that their wants are not all-important and that our planet's scarce resources need to be shared.)

If we won the powerball, I'd want 5 or 6, but DH thinks we will be DONE with 3.

And even with only 2 DDs, we've already gotten some comments--"hope you at least have a male dog" has to be the worst, but my in-laws have also said stuff like, "are you going to try again soon for a boy?". Again, I'm a bit of an oddball here, but I'm hoping (and swaying) for pink again, and my DH wants another daughter much more than I do. So mostly I find the comments funny, because I am so happy with what I have, but it is also troubling that people are so willing to disparage others' children on the basis of gender...

[Zivic-Bubac]

"are you going to try again soon for a boy?". Again, I'm a bit of an oddball here, but I'm hoping (and swaying) for pink again, and my DH wants another daughter much more than I do. So mostly I find the comments funny, because I am so happy with what I have, but it is also troubling that people are so willing to disparage others' children on the basis of gender...

That is so refreshing point of view!
I know for a fact that my desire for a boy was conditioned by my up-bringing and cultural environment but I don't have enough brain or skills or whatever it takes to recognize what do I really want.

[BeadinMom]

I really thought I would be done with 3, but now that it's been almost 7 yrs since I've had a baby in my arms AND of course, the desire of my heart for just one little girl to spoil hasn't subsided...we'll be done with 4. (Pretty sure it's not suggested to have more than 4 c-sections anyway.)

My cousin has seven and is only about 30 yrs old. She had 5 boys and desperately wanted a girl...number 6 was a girl and number 7 (supposedly a surprise) was also a girl. Not sure if she swayed...we haven't discussed it. But I say if you can come up with the names and you have the room in your home and your heart for more babies, that is YOUR business and more power to you!

[ChasingButterflies]

Having 3-5 kids around here is pretty normal. I'm in the US. We have 7 children and will probably have an 8th before we call our baby making days done. We get looks, the jaw drop, the shock n' awe and we also get the "oh fun, we have 7 kids too" comments. I guess the way I see it is there's nothing so good that someone, somewhere, wont hate it, so just live your life the way you want & ignore the nay sayers

[4BlueLooking4Pink]

3 is the average for most where I live. (midwest - USA) People in our church tend to have bigger families and so with us having #5 most people just roll with it and are really happy for us. We get a lot of "wow!" comments from other people who's limit is most definitely 3 followed by a friendly congrats (although I'm sure murmuring under their breath that we're crazy, lol). I honestly have never felt like either girls or boys are preferred here although if I had to say I'd say boys preferred a tiny bit over girls because it's farming industry here. I was just saying to dh though how I really haven't had any bad comments about us having 4 possibly 5 boys. Well, except from my cousin who I actually think she's got some issues due to her infertility and them having to go through IVF and only ending up with 1 son and I know they would have liked more. She's 47 now so no more babies for her. Her comment was "Still trying for a girl." with no congrats. Just real snotty about it. (uh, no, we were actually trying for a baby). I know it's jealousy more than anything though so I let it go.

I say this is probably our last baby but knowing me when #5 starts getting to the 2 year old stage I'll be itching for one more to make it an even 6 (I do love even numbers . I'm 33 so I have some child bearing days left to think about it.

[nini]

I live in Central Europe and people here have 2 children, the ideal set up would be a pigeon pair as well. There is a trend in better off families to have 3 children now, but people have at least 2 years between their kids, often 3-4. They think I am crazy because I wanted my 3 close together which I am probably now getting (3 in just over 3 years, my eldest is a lot older
4 children is considered crazy by many, although I dont quite fall into the 4 children category as my eldest is so much older and from a previous relationship, people that see me during the day with the little ones dont even know I have him.

When dd was born everyone told me how lucky I was to have a son and daughter. Everyone thought I must be done with kids because of this!

[ovofiv]

I like this post!!
1-2 is the average in my country (Europe). 50years ago, families used to have 5-6 children, but not anymore. Maybe you can find a 3-4 children in the small villages. In the big cities, the 1-child is more and more common. Although I'd say 2 children is the usual.
The reason (or excuses) is always the money. High cost of education (school and extra activities like languages, sports, musical, etc), expensive toys, expensive celebrations (christmas, graduation,....)....money, money, money.