Feeling down!

[PrimalMamma]

I totally get the MIL thing MumofSix my MIL has 4 sons & little to no relationship with any of them beyond text messages/Facebook posts etc. My brother spends an enourmous amount of time with his inlaw's & the rest of his wife's family but hardly sees us or my parents, despite us never having any sort of falling out & still caring about each other deeply. We are just not a priority for him & he is happy living far away & accepting support from his inlaws whose relationship is fostered by his wofe. I am very close to my parents (my mother especially) & she struggles immensely with the difference between the relationship between her & I & the relationship between her & my brother. She doesn't know we are TTC at all (let alone the sway) & often says she really feels for me that I'll never know what it is to mother a daughter. If I am pregnant this month I don't believe it will be a girl as I have done everything wrong (never got a definite OPK so ended up attempting several times) & as much as I am not falling to pieces over the idea of having a 3rd son I know I will grieve.


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[stephk]

mum thats exactly how I feel too. I dont want to be the MIL or pushed out. I really really want that mother daughter relationship but I have always had a brilliant relationship with my mum. When I was PG and when DS was born I know who I wanted around (apart from DH of course) more than anyone else and that was my mum. I dont have a MIL because unfortunately my DHs mum died before we met so I have no idea how our relationship would have been although from what I hear we would have had a brillant relationship. She would have been living in South Africa and we live in London so again, I wouldnt have seen much of her apart from Skype calls and the rare occasion I can visit SA because my DH chooses to go at a time that I cant take annual leave at work. Although I like my FIL and get on with him, I find that he is pretty lazy and wont help or babysit and when he visits he expects me to do a lot, and when I visit him in SA he has stupid expectations too (which I often refuse to live up to but thats another story!!) My family live up in Yorkshire and visit when they can in school holidays, I go up at christmas and easter. I am not very good at calling them (but they are the same and thats fine!) and for this reason (plus other long story things) my dad doesnt want to know me or my brother. So I really only have my mum (plus her partner) and my 2 brothers as close family if that makes any sense.

OK i am rambling but what I meant to say is that I totally understand where you are coming from and I think it is out of order people commenting that the MIL should be less involved!!!

luvmyboys - thank you for chiming in with your experience, i hope others also chime in - I am sure there are a lot of loved and involved MILs out there. My mum gets to see my niece a lot and is involved and my brother isnt with the mother anymore, and if my youngest brother ever had kids i know my mum would be so involved, they are so close. But as he is with an older lady who already has 3 kids (and is good friends with my mum now) I dont think he will have any of his own.

[atomic sagebrush]

in my fmily it's been the other way round, it's the sons that have hung around and the daughters gone off across the country with husbands and jobs. This has been true for literally everyone in my and my husband's family (like a dozen separate nuclear families) The daughter moves away with husband, and at least one of the sons stays behind or even travels with the parents to a new area!!!

[Rosie85]

Goes to show you never know. My family has all the girls moving away. The boys stick around. I too will be moving out of state and that means every girl on my moms family's side will be living out of state. Every boy though remains here in mMinnesota.

[atomic sagebrush]

Honestly, I don't even GET this concern because that is all I see is the daughters hooking up with Studley McSexydude and moving off into the middle of wherever for his career or his dreams. Sons stay put way more than daughters, not just in my family but in most of the people I know IRL.

Virtually all Asian cultures and also many African and Middle Eastern cultures are based on the idea that girls getting married move into the husband's family home and actually live wiht the mother in law.

[atomic sagebrush]

And not trying to say it's not a legit concern or that people don't have a good reason for having it, just that it's so far removed from my whole life experience that it is confuddling to me.

[Rosie85]

I think the concern is very valid not in terms of the son moving away but instead in being removed. Both my husband and his brother spend way more time with the wife's side. We don't go see my husband's parents often. ..they annoy me. It is common for the wife to play a huge role in deciding I think. My older brother also ignores my mom but not because of his wife. Almost every married male I know spends more time with the wives side though so that part of it concerns me.