How do you cope with friends with the desired gender?

[juffertje2]

Hi
I'm 8 weeks pregnant with #4. After 3 boys (and a huge GD with #3) i'm praying and hoping for a little girl now. But I'm trying to tell myself that 4 boys would be great. That it would be sad for that one girl growing up with 3 brothers, that i really don't care if it's a boy again, as long as it's healthy blablabla....but deep inside I know better...

[KnockYourBallsOff]

Amen to what Atomic said. I feel identical to that. The only reason I don't 100% get too depressed is b/c we planned on a large family anyway, so I feel like it's still within my reach. If DH didn't want more or something, I thing everyone's pregnancies and announcements would put me totally on edge and I'd be more nervous for their ultrasounds than them!!!

[Tooblue]

I agree with all of this, especially the last paragraph. I'm close to a lot of people who have girls but my GD only really flares up when it comes to one person, my sister. She hasn't had her baby yet and I'm hoping that once she does it doesn't bother me as much. I have other nieces and I adore them and being around them doesn't hurt at all. So hopefully once the new one is here and I know the real person, I'll better be able to deal.

I agree with Atomic too, and yes, especially the last paragraph. When my sisters - whom I am close with - had girls it did not bother me. They are my nieces, and an extention of my family. When a "friend" who had a reputation for being, hmm how shall I say this? Permiscuous is putting it nicely. Well when she had 2 daughters around the time I had my 2 sons, I was livid. All I could think was that something was "off" with the universe or that the universe hated me. Why would this happen? I also have another type of person who bothers me. I guess they still fall under the category of "vile" people. These people were very vocal about wanting a boy but then they had a girl. That is not what I have an issue with - it's how some of them acted afterwards. I know 2 of them who are the worst offenders. They say things like, "I thought I wanted a boy, but now I'm SOOOO glad I have a girl" as if they were wrong for wanting a boy, and instead got the better deal - and they say it to ME without even thinking about how that might make me feel! These same people go overboard with the princess stuff, dresses and all things girly. They'll say things like "MY princess!" or "Spoiled? Oh, not MY little diva!". It bothers me, because I feel as though they are purposely and annoyingly rubbing it in my face. There's also the fact that I can't say, "I thought I wanted a girl, but I'm SO glad I had boys!" It's just not true! I don't even think I could say it with a straight face, and even if I could, I don't think anyone would believe me! The fact that the opposite was true for them really does make me feel like they got the better deal. I really can't stand to be around those people and I have purposely distanced myself from them.

[tinksmagic]

It bothers me when I see my SIL and her daughter Myah... BIL is hubbys halfbro, same dads.

I only see them about 6x's a year because they keep to themselves mostly. But it is hard to be around them mostly because I see my MIL heartbreak for a girl of her own. Just 2wks ago my IL's came to visit and my BIL and his family came to town as well. They decided to spend 4hrs shopping and then wanted to meet us for a quick dinner. My MIL asked if they wanted to drop Myah off while they shopped and they said no. My MIL was so heartbroken she cried for hours and kept saying they don't trust her because she isn't Myah's grandma.

It pains me to be around Myah and see how her parents ignore her and ignore the love my MIL has for a little girl she calls her granddaughter.

Next weekend is going to be so hard because we are all going to be together for about 4 days for Thanksgiving. And like the past few years everyone else will be responsible for watching Myah while her parents lock themselves in their rooms. I do love her but she has so many behaviour issues from being ignored...

I want so badly to give my MIL a girl of her own. We share the boys and my MIL knows that she doesn't have to ask permission to give something to them. It is sad that she has to ask my SIL if it is ok to give Myah a cookie, breakfast, or even water when Myah says she wants something.

Sorry for the babble I am a little sad just thinking about everything... I really wanted to be prego and know the gender for the Holidays so I could tell everyone!

That's so not right! I don't particularly care for my exMIL but she adores all 3 of my DDs (even though the last 2 are not anything to her except her GDD's little sisters). My exMIL had 4 boys and 1 girl. Her DD can't have kids and of my ex and his brothers, there's 5 grandsons so my DD is her only GDD. She has always thought of my 2 DDs on holidays and birthdays and often asks DD #1 to bring her sisters over to her to visit. Despite my feelings for the woman, she's always been good to my girls and they even call her GrammaMary which I'm OK with (we don't use "half" in our family).

Here's to hoping you and your MIL get your pink!!!!

[tinksmagic]

I'm not telling anyone that I'm swaying, I told my Mom but she disapproved of the time period (we are going to do it sooner than later, she wants me to wait until late next year or the year after) I want 2 and 3 close together, and hubby is aboard right now, and hubby is a bear sometimes, and while he's in the mood to TTC, I want to catch it while it's hot!

Some friends of mine know that I am going to TTC next year but I've been telling them that I want a 3rd boy to complete my family...a "trio of cute boys" because I think it would hurt a lot more to tell them I'm TTC a girl and get a boy. It's easier I think pretending I want a boy all along so if it does happen, I won't have to deal with their sympathy when I'm already going to be upset.

Only my mom and brother know how badly I really want a daughter, my sisters I don't talk to much. Sometimes, I don't know if I really want a daugther because everyone will get off my back about having two boys or if I really, really do want her for myself. My husband does not want a daughter at all, and I know he is hoping the sway fails. He's terrified of dealing with a daughter, he has all kinds of wrong preconcieved notions about a daughter. Obviously, I hope we have a daughter because I think it would help HIM work through those issues.

Good luck!!! Here's to pink!!!

My mum was more upset that we used IVF and didn't (couldn't) use the rest of the embies we created. I had a hard enough time with it myself (they're MY kids, why can't I have them all?) but knowing they wouldn't have survived makes it easier for everyone to understand (even my mum). So at Christmas her cousin finds out she's gonna be a grandma for the first time (she's 15 years younger than my mum) and my mum gets all moody cuz she's not gonna be a grandma (again). My 4 kids lit into her on THAT one! My brother's new wife won't have kids with him (she's got 2 of her own and is using the "Down's Syndrome" excuse! Man, I want to punch her on that one!!!) and none of my cousins will ever have kids so it's been me.
I can't tell you how smug she is now knowing there's 1 cooking.... and a boy to boot... Now, we'll see if MIL is going to be as smug.... (she only wanted 1 grandson ~ has one from SIL and 1 granddaughter ~ our first, and she doesn't acknowledge our DD #2 so should be interesting to see her reaction to DS. Last time she was pissed; she'll get over it!)

[tinksmagic]

agree, I love seeing boy moms out and about when I'm shopping..makes me feel like I'm part of an elite group!!

LOL, I want back in that group!!!

[I Love Ladybugs]

I just start distancing myself when I find out there is a pink bundle on the way.....I realized this recently, and it pains me to think that I am that shallow. I do hope to join the ranks of my friends who have had 2 boys, then a girl.