I am sick of this

[momamia4]

I just had the worst visit with my in-laws ever. My MIL decided to talk to me about my most recent miscarriage. She was saying that at least I'll be able to see all of my miscarriage babies when I'm in heaven. I know she meant well, but it really pushed me over the edge to the point that I ran upstairs to the bathroom and balled uncontrollably for 20 mins. This was right after I had just returned downstairs after crying for 15 minutes because BIL decided to talk to SIL about watching his DD when his wife is induced on Tuesday (so grateful it isn't on Aug 25th like I initially thought). BIL has never let us watch his DD. He purposely keeps her away from us. My sister thinks it's because he was the last one to watch our DS3 the night he died and somehow he has guilt and keeps his DD away because of it. I'm not sure what the real reason is. All I know is that it hurts me very deeply that they don't want her to have any kind of relationship with us. What a horrible day..... I'm not looking forward to Tuesday. I'm sure it'll be just as weird as when their DD1 was born. I wasn't allowed to hold her for the first 6 weeks of her life. I guess they thought I'd break her or something. Everyone else was allowed to hold her except for me and my kids. It was very strange. I'm considering not seeing her (their DD2) for the first 6 weeks since I am sure they won't let me hold her again. I don't think they're considering how much this all hurts me.

[GirlieCat]

Momamia so sorry that you had such a bad night. My in laws are not very wonderful and my MIL is always saying things that upset me that I can't help but think she does on purpose. She is so rude to me and has been for the 12 years I have been with my husband. We went several years hardly seeing them at all until they could learn that to have their son in their life meant they had to be nice to me. We never see my DH brother or this wife (most of the family doesn't talk to them) because BIL is just terrible.

Did you BIL and his wife actually tell you that you were not allowed to hold their DD1? That is just so weird. Is there a health related reason? (I won't want someone holding my newborn if they have recently had a cigarette...I am big on no smoking).

Does your hubby help out in communicating with MIL & BIL about how their words or actions hurt? My DH is kinda weak at that.

Hope you feel better.


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[momamia4]

Yes, my BIL and his wife actually told me I wasn't allowed to hold her. I don't have any illnesses at all. They were particular about people having update immunizations to hold her, which I am up to date on. They didn't give a reason and I was too hurt to ask or argue. I just left eight after and then didn't get too close to her until the finally told me I could hold her. It wasn't very bizarre. They've are really weird about things though. With this dd2, they haven't shared anything about their pregnancy. We've honestly foegotten they'll are even having another kid numerous times because of it. They've also really limited their contact with us since dd1 was born over 2 years ago. My DH tries to explain to them how much they hurt me, but it doesn't have any effect at all. We stopped all contact with his mom for 6 years because of it. We only started talking to her again because she almost died. She claims she has no filter and doesn't realize she's being rude/mean until she sees the persons reaction to what she said. His family makes no sense to me.

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[GirlieCat]

Sounds all too familiar and I totally get it. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this on top of the heartbreak of your recent miscarriage and stress about conceiving again.

Hoping Sept brings you a very sticky positive.


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[momamia4]

Thank you, GirlieCat!

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[Giselle2016]

I just had the worst visit with my in-laws ever. My MIL decided to talk to me about my most recent miscarriage. She was saying that at least I'll be able to see all of my miscarriage babies when I'm in heaven. I know she meant well, but it really pushed me over the edge to the point that I ran upstairs to the bathroom and balled uncontrollably for 20 mins. This was right after I had just returned downstairs after crying for 15 minutes because BIL decided to talk to SIL about watching his DD when his wife is induced on Tuesday (so grateful it isn't on Aug 25th like I initially thought). BIL has never let us watch his DD. He purposely keeps her away from us. My sister thinks it's because he was the last one to watch our DS3 the night he died and somehow he has guilt and keeps his DD away because of it. I'm not sure what the real reason is. All I know is that it hurts me very deeply that they don't want her to have any kind of relationship with us. What a horrible day..... I'm not looking forward to Tuesday. I'm sure it'll be just as weird as when their DD1 was born. I wasn't allowed to hold her for the first 6 weeks of her life. I guess they thought I'd break her or something. Everyone else was allowed to hold her except for me and my kids. It was very strange. I'm considering not seeing her (their DD2) for the first 6 weeks since I am sure they won't let me hold her again. I don't think they're considering how much this all hurts me.

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[Giselle2016]

Omg that is just ridiculous! If they won't allow u to hold her, then don't visit! If anything, I would think they wouldn't mind u to hold her or even babysit their DD more than anyone since they know u want a girl! People are absolutely ridiculous and u never know who has good intentions and who doesn't. Do they have a son? Maybe they wanted a son this time around since mostly people want both genders and just like we want a girl so bad, someone with all girls wants a boy badly too.


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[momamia4]

They don't have a son but I know they really want one. I think his wife is suffering from gender disappointment because of it. Dh's family is all boys on his dad's side for a lot of generations. I think she assumed she'd have boys too, especially since I have so many. She is a typical girl mom though. She's swaying girl and doesn't even know it. I tried to tell her how to get a boy, but she didn't listen. Maybe now that they're having dd2, she'll take me more seriously.

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[atomic sagebrush]

Somehow I've missed this thread but I did just want to say that I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son.

[momamia4]

Thank you, atomic. It was devastating and I've spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with it. Now I'm finally ready to have another baby.