The return of GD and now with it's BFF, jealousy

[Erin514]

This is something that will almost certainly mellow as your kids get older. Some parents will always be more competitive than others but in the early years parents seem to have this biologically-driven need to believe their kids are the fittest specimens for survival. It's an awful part of the first years of parenting but as kids grow into being their own people parents are usually able to separate their own egos from parenting a little better. I see and feel much less of this now that my kids are bigger. When your kids are five neither of you is going to be worried about who walked first and although there is still some opportunity for competition when it comes to sports or academics kids often have such completely different interests and talents that direct comparison is no longer so simple.

This x 1 million.
I have a cousin who can't stop comparing and gloating over every little thing her daughter does. I seriously just want to say, "you win, lady. Your girl is clearly going to grow up to be prime minister while my son will be a trash collector because she was potty trained first".
Makes me want to avoid her until our kids are done all their milestones, but then it will probably be grades in school or something. :-P

[Erin514]

Well my SIL has now started sending me pictures of all the pretty little girl clothes she's buying whilst also telling me she sort of wanted a second boy but is so happy to be having a girl. She's also gone from never wanting to meet up to wanting to see me all the time. Could all be innocent but I just can't help but feel she's trying to bait me into exploding or is just trying to make me feel bad. :-(

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I'm sure it's probably not deliberate, but some people really need to be the centre of attention. Maybe she senses that you're not as enthusiastic as she would like and she wants to try to get you to notice her.

I agree you should probably just fake it until she goes away on her own. Write back that you'd love to but you're super busy this week. You'll catch up sometime soon. Then just never follow-up. Hopefully she'll move on to someone else if you don't give her any reaction to latch on to. This is tough though.

[oceancitymom]

Um, okay. Maybe I'm changing my tune here. I'm all for looking for the best in people but this does seem grossly insensitive seeing that she knew about your intense desire for a daughter. I feel like it's akin to knowing someone's having fertility problems and then sending them all your ultrasound pictures and telling them how exciting it is to see your baby growing. I'd feel free to politely decline her invitations. :-/

[amo]

Oceancitymom that is exactly what I thought!! I feel this behaviour is to intentionally hurt me since she knows all about what I went through with my second pregnancy but I've no idea why?!! It really is a mystery to me. I will be politely declining invitations mainly because I don't feel strong enough right now to deal with it.
Erin514 I'd like to think it's just an attention thing, maybe it is as I said it's a mystery. With regards to other mum's directly comparing each others kids it is a nightmare! And I always found my friends with girls tended to hit their milestones first, especially potty training!! Girls are generally ready much earlier than boys, don't know why. It's hard not to feel disheartened and get baited into competing especially if you're a first time mum. I've got to say my same SIL has tried the milestone competition with her first and my second but I genuinely wasn't interested in the slightest and she stopped mentioning it, helps of course that now she has something else to lord over me though!!

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[trifecta]

And I always found my friends with girls tended to hit their milestones first, especially potty training!! Girls are generally ready much earlier than boys, don't know why. It's hard not to feel disheartened and get baited into competing especially if you're a first time mum.

That's the worst! I cannot even tell you how many times I've heard the mother of a girl crow about how her toddler "trained herself" or something along those lines. Meanwhile, potty-training was really hard with both of my kids. They weren't especially old but it was a real struggle.