ksmom TTC a GIRL Sway Attempt

[Pink Pony]

Congrats on your healthy baby boy ksmom, you had a really strong sway and you gave it your all, hugs x

[ksmom]

Thank you so much. It's funny that I'm actually more worried about the comments I'll be getting from other people (particularly my mom). I was sad for a bit but I feel sorta neutral about it now. I still feel like I had a strong sway but despite all that this little guy was determined to be here. I'm due right around Christmas time so he will be a special gift indeed.

[Serenity]

Yep, definitely meant to be! If it was me, I'd be curious to meet this special little one...

About people's comments: I think most will take their cues from you. You know this little one is someone amazing...show others how proud you are of him and they will probably be nothing but happy for you. If you're scared to tell someone in person, maybe text them, or have someone else tell them (like DH...he could also let them know that you are only interested in supportive comments). If anyone does make a rude comment, it will be because they knew you preferred to have a girl this time and they don't know what to say, or because they have a similar struggle of their own that they haven't dealt with.

My thought is that this little guy is going to be just like his mom. You had such a determined sway, and he was equally determined to exist. He's probably going to be the one who ends up being just like you.

[ksmom]

I remember feeling sad about having DS2 but then he was born and all of that sadness melted away. That little boy has my heart! He is just so sweet and there really is something extra special about him. I hope I feel the same way about DS3 when he arrives.

My mom's comments are what get to me. She has no idea we swayed or how much we wanted a girl. Even though she doesn't know what we're having, she's already saying things like "with your luck it will be another boy" and "you can always have another" (she said the same thing when we told her about DS2). She SAYS that she'll be fine with another boy, but I can tell by her tone she's bitter. The older I get, the more closed off I become with her because of comments like that.

[Serenity]

Well as a mom of all boys, I feel a little mad at your mom, too! Like, what's wrong with boys??? They are awesome!

My guess is that she's probably just from that old school way of thinking: back in the day, everyone just kind of assumed that you would want to have both boys and girls, I think. And everyone had more kids then, so continuing to try for the other sex was pretty normal all around. Either that or she has picked up on your wish for a daughter somewhere along the way and this is her way of being "on your side" with it. Or maybe she does have a genuine preference for girls over boys, in which case, I would just smile and nod because that's her issue to work out...

It sounds like you are really worried about what she will say, and like you're felt a lot of pressure from her to have a girl baby (which is not in your control). If you have a decent relationship with her otherwise, you might want to tell her how she's impacting you; if not, you might want to think about how to protect yourself from her reaction so that you can treasure your new little one and feel all your feelings in peace.

I, for one, think your new little guy is totally awesome. I mean seriously, who beats a sway like that???

[ksmom]

I think she'd just rather have granddaughters. She thinks of boys in a very stereotypical way and it irks me because as a mom of boys, I know that they do not always fit these molds society has set. I am her only chance at grandchildren (my brothers and I have the same dad, different moms) so I do feel pressure at times. I feel like she acts as if I have complete control over the genders of my children. I never once imagined myself as a mom of three boys but here I am. It's easy enough for her because she wanted a daughter and got one right off the bat. It's already hard enough for DH and I to accept not having a daughter, so I wish my mom could accept it too. I find it really hard to stand up to her and express my feelings because she can be rather insensitive and judgmental. I became very closed off after my third loss because of a comment she made to me and instead I started sharing my personal life with my MIL. I plan on not telling my mom what we're having and just waiting until the baby is born. I hope by then she'll just be excited to have another grandchild.

[Girlieplease]

Congratulations on your boy, sorry you did not hear pink. Your sway was excellent so you could not have done more to increase your chances of girl. Everyone I know that has three boys would say it is wonderful. I have been trying to think how I will cope if I have another boy, if I could ever get pregnant! I think for me the idea of three boys would be lovely but it would be the impact on my dd who so wants a sister. Re your mum, try to find a way to depersonalise what she says. This is her issue not yours, the trouble is at the moment it probably echos with your own feelings ( disappointment about not having a dd). This will pass and when your gorgeous boy arrives it will be forgotten! Wishing you a healthy rest of pregnancy and give yourself time to process! X

[atomic sagebrush]

Ksmom I'm sorry it didn't go your way BUT I do want to give you huge congrats on your newest little man. I had my sway opposite baby on December 21st and he's my very special Christmas present.

The thing is, people make the occasional rude remark but by the time the wee ones are 2,3,4 all that goes away. I know of several all boy families from high school or around our small towns and they were like "the Smith boys" or "the Jones boys" and everyone loved them and all the girls wanted to go out with one of them.

[ksmom]

Even though my sway didn't work, I still want to thank you Atomic. You were a great help along the way. I'm glad I still got a chance to try swaying so that at least I could say I did what I could.

I don't really get comments from strangers anymore, just when DS2 was a baby. Now people just say to me "you've got your hands full" but that's because my boys are close in age and they're those kids you see running up and down the aisles like a crazy person. lol Up until DS2 was 1 or 1.5, my mom said to me all the time "too bad he wasn't a girl." It annoyed me a lot when she'd say that because if he would have been a girl, then he wouldn't exist! I can't even imagine not having him. The other day I was thinking about how awesome it will be when all three of my boys are grown and I get to have three handsome men to protect me. We're also not closing the chapter on more children (four is our limit though). We've talked about adopting for a long time and I'm hoping one day that will be how we get our daughter. I'm still interested in going HT but I'd have to get DH onboard with it first.

[Serenity]

This might sound strange, but if your mom never had the chance to have any boys of her own, it makes sense to me that she might have held on to those stereotypes about them - maybe the stereotypes were just not challenged enough in her life, YKWIM? It reminds me of my DS1's first grade teacher. She was a brand new teacher and seemed to have a really hard time relating to the boys in the class she was teaching. She couldn't channel their energy and didn't seem to understand it. When I talked to her about it, I learned that she had only one child, a daughter. She just didn't "speak" boy, if that makes sense, and she'd never had to learn how to before. She had this distain of boys that seemed to come from just not understanding them - like she was a little afraid of their energy or uncomfortable around them or something. I thought about how different her experience of boys was from mine...she had them acting up in her class all day, while I had them acting up, but also bringing me flowers and giving me big hugs around my neck, at home. I think as moms, we really get to see the best and the worst of our kids, and so we come to have a clearer view of them than others can.

I'm really sorry your mom hasn't been more supportive of you. I can't wait for grandchildren, boys or girls, and I think your mom is so lucky to have three of them! That is one of my biggest dreams, personally - to have a big family around me as I get older. I hope she is able to support you and embrace her wonderful new grandchild, but either way, her perspective has nothing to do with your reality: you have a beautiful life ahead of you with lots of baby cuddles and a strong circle of protectors around you. And who knows how your story will unfold over time? I think it's great that you are choosing to process and to protect yourself. I wish you and your family all the best.