Do women tend to prefer girls?

[2pinkbluenext]

I wouldn't say I prefer one or the other but I enjoy boys and girls in different ways. I have 2 girls and love having my newphew stay with us all the time. They are just so different. Im ttc boy now. If I only had boys id be ttc a girl or 2. I love them both and i think its a blessing for sisters to have brothers and brothers to have sisters.

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[dancingdiva88]

I really want both genders. However I would have preferred a boy first to ease the pressure on me from DH's family to produce a boy to carry the family name!
I grew up as an only child and raised fulltime by my dad. I am very 'boy' with the interests I have and although I wanted a girl, I never saw myself having girls and being a bit fearful of having one because I wouldn't know how to connect with a girl.
My dad is the best person I know and even my DH says I rely emotionally too much on my dad, but to me he's just 'my dad'. I would love to give my dad a grandson because although he had me I know he would've loved a boy too as he's your typical farmer etc.

[atomic sagebrush]

No, I totally understand it. I don't think any of us WANT that depression that comes with disappointment over sex or a desire for a sex other than our own kids? I talk often about how it's the ultimate cognitive dissonance: being over the moon for our children and loving them wholeheartedly, while still yearning for more as if they're not enough.

Try not to feel guilty. There is no 'crime of the heart' here to want something more. Moms sometimes think about not having kids at all, right? The "wow remember when I could just poop for 10 minutes in peace" thoughts -- we feel what we feel, and it doesn't make us bad for feeling that way.

@Greydore: I totally feel you on the growing up around all girls. It never struck me one way or the other about being able to have one sex or the other despite being in an extended family of literally TWO boys out of 15+ girls. I just assumed, "I will get my boy." If it wasn't for the fact that my generation of cousins are all having predominantly boys, I'd have wondered if we were one of those genetic anomaly families carrying hemophilia or something

Families that have genetic disorders tend to know about them. There would be people who were chronically sick or a history of lots of miscarriages (and while people don't always talk about it, it does tend to come out) or children that died very young. I find this is something that plagues blue swayers - this fear is almost always unfounded, though, unless you know of your MOTHER"S family members with things like this. (not dad's unless he too is chronically sick)

[foxtrotmama]

I was thinking about it and I think part of the numbers split between pink and blue swayers might be personality based. Typical "boy moms", as planners with a great deal of desire to control things, would probably be more likely to seek out and return to information about swaying than "girl moms" who might either just try and hope for the best, or look it up a couple times, find a few tips, and move on. Not that blue swayers can't be the obsessive planning type, just that the stereotype personalities fit.

[atomic sagebrush]

I also believe, very, very, very generally with about a billion exceptions, and feel free to ignore/jeer my opinion on this, ladies, that moms who have girls tend to be ~slightly~ more responsive to societal pressures than boy moms.

Since gender desire is a taboo, frowned-upon thing (particularly for gender desire for boys in UK/UK/EU/OZ where most of us hail from) there may be a lot of people who want boys desperately but suffer in silence because it's socially proscribed to admit this openly. I feel that a lot of the women who want boys on the site are (or say that they are) doing it for someone else - husband, family, etc. again, social pressures. and the ones who want boys for their own reasons are often very embarrassed, even ashamed of it A surprising number of my blue Custom Swayers are afraid that people will find out that they are swaying and never even come out into the forums because they don't want anyone to know.

Whereas at least some of us who want girls, I'll just speak for myself here, are here because we're greedy jerks who want girls and don't care what other people think about it LOL.

Again, very very very generally, and not something that is true for most or even many, but may factor into it.

[Greydore]

Also, ladies, if we could all be so kind as to avoid uncharitable stereotypes of our fellow Americans, I would appreciate it. there are people here from all walks of life around the country and world and we are all doing the best we can as parents and moms. Thank you.

I'm so sorry. I did not mean to offend anyone, just trying to explain how my parenting is looked at as odd where I live. I apologize.

[Throwaway_panther]

Families that have genetic disorders tend to know about them. There would be people who were chronically sick or a history of lots of miscarriages (and while people don't always talk about it, it does tend to come out) or children that died very young. I find this is something that plagues blue swayers - this fear is almost always unfounded, though, unless you know of your MOTHER"S family members with things like this. (not dad's unless he too is chronically sick)

Yeah, I know it's a huge anxiety mindset and not necessarily rooted in fact -- both sides of my family are FOB, so there's a lot of "mystery" to our health backgrounds (literally the story goes that a great-grandfather died after "laying down on cold ground" ... ), and my father is actually chronically sick, but I mean, we've got some boys thrown in there so we should probably be good, haha. DH's family has none of these things (though his mother struggled with infertility for years), so there probably shouldn't be any worries for some recessive thing.

And yeah, definitely embarrassed about wanting a boy for some of my reasons -- I consider myself a feminist, which informs part of my desire for a boy, but to be valuing a boy over a girl seems like the ultimate hypocrisy to me (even though I don't think that of anyone else?! Just myself...). I'm forever grateful my DH isn't like the many who "needs" to have a son, though I guess the double-edged sword there is that he's less invested in swaying (including the "every other day" BD pattern being not enough )

It's interesting though, about external pressure. I've definitely noticed a fair share of girl swayers on here specify that their families put a lot of pressure on them to have girls, or are the only "chance" for an all-boy family to have girls. I even noticed an acquaintance on another site deal with her own mother publicly belabor over and over that she HAS to have a girl -- and this poor woman struggled with infertility and losses for years! I actually said something to someone making gender cracks, because I just felt so badly for her.

I'm thinking that it's the case of "external validation" -- if we think we're fat, and ONE person says we're fat? Well, shoot, maybe we are? So if we want a boy, or want a girl, and then hear someone outside of ourselves echo that desire -- or really, project that desire -- onto us, it becomes tenfold.

[lindz]

From my own experience(making some over generalizations) it seems like more women want girls. I feel like a lot of us think we will be able to relate better to daughters. We long for a special mother/daughter bond. I value my relationship with my sister so much, so I long to have daughters who will be close, especially in adulthood. Even putting all that aside, it seems like our culture values girls over boys. Girls can be and do anything. There's nothing "too girly" or "too masculine" for them. I've heard mothers brag about how sweet their husbands are with their daughters as if being sweet with sons isn't as special. Like a truly sensitive and enlightened man doesn't need a son, he can get all his needs met with a daughter. I feel like society would judge you as "sexist" for saying you don't want girls, but it's perfectly acceptable to say you hope you never have boys. I've had friends tell me they hope they don't have a boy because they "wouldn't know what to do with them". As though them having a penis makes them a mutant species. There's also the negative stereotypes that all boys are loud and crazy, whereas girls are calm and easy to raise. A lot of women who have a girl first, and only want two, say that it doesn't matter if the next is another girl because then their daughter will have a sister, if not a boy will be fun. I don't often get the vibe from people that they will be really sad and missing out if they never have a boy. I actually really like reading the TTC a boy boards once in awhile because it reminds me that there are people out there who value having a boy, and do realize what I have is special. In my twisted mind, I'm convinced moms of two or more girls feel bad for boy moms because they think their girls are so much better, and we're missing out on so much and maybe our boys are too rough or wild to play with their girls(I'm sure most girl moms absolutely do not feel this way and I'm just crazy)


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[Greydore]

Yeah, I know it's a huge anxiety mindset and not necessarily rooted in fact -- both sides of my family are FOB, so there's a lot of "mystery" to our health backgrounds (literally the story goes that a great-grandfather died after "laying down on cold ground" ... ), and my father is actually chronically sick, but I mean, we've got some boys thrown in there so we should probably be good, haha. DH's family has none of these things (though his mother struggled with infertility for years), so there probably shouldn't be any worries for some recessive thing.

And yeah, definitely embarrassed about wanting a boy for some of my reasons -- I consider myself a feminist, which informs part of my desire for a boy, but to be valuing a boy over a girl seems like the ultimate hypocrisy to me (even though I don't think that of anyone else?! Just myself...). I'm forever grateful my DH isn't like the many who "needs" to have a son, though I guess the double-edged sword there is that he's less invested in swaying (including the "every other day" BD pattern being not enough )

It's interesting though, about external pressure. I've definitely noticed a fair share of girl swayers on here specify that their families put a lot of pressure on them to have girls, or are the only "chance" for an all-boy family to have girls. I even noticed an acquaintance on another site deal with her own mother publicly belabor over and over that she HAS to have a girl -- and this poor woman struggled with infertility and losses for years! I actually said something to someone making gender cracks, because I just felt so badly for her.

I'm thinking that it's the case of "external validation" -- if we think we're fat, and ONE person says we're fat? Well, shoot, maybe we are? So if we want a boy, or want a girl, and then hear someone outside of ourselves echo that desire -- or really, project that desire -- onto us, it becomes tenfold.

So much yes to external pressures. My dad's family highly values boys. My dad is the oldest son, and his parents desperately wanted him to have boys. By the time the third girl came, my grandparents weren't even excited. They ended up having 9 granddaughters and 1 grandson. They were ecstatic when I had a boy. Now that I have 2 boys, people expect a girl. Thankfully neither my parents or in laws care what we have.

[Greydore]

From my own experience(making some over generalizations) it seems like more women want girls. I feel like a lot of us think we will be able to relate better to daughters. We long for a special mother/daughter bond. I value my relationship with my sister so much, so I long to have daughters who will be close, especially in adulthood. Even putting all that aside, it seems like our culture values girls over boys. Girls can be and do anything. There's nothing "too girly" or "too masculine" for them. I've heard mothers brag about how sweet their husbands are with their daughters as if being sweet with sons isn't as special. Like a truly sensitive and enlightened man doesn't need a son, he can get all his needs met with a daughter. I feel like society would judge you as "sexist" for saying you don't want girls, but it's perfectly acceptable to say you hope you never have boys. I've had friends tell me they hope they don't have a boy because they "wouldn't know what to do with them". As though them having a penis makes them a mutant species. There's also the negative stereotypes that all boys are loud and crazy, whereas girls are calm and easy to raise. A lot of women who have a girl first, and only want two, say that it doesn't matter if the next is another girl because then their daughter will have a sister, if not a boy will be fun. I don't often get the vibe from people that they will be really sad and missing out if they never have a boy. I actually really like reading the TTC a boy boards once in awhile because it reminds me that there are people out there who value having a boy, and do realize what I have is special. In my twisted mind, I'm convinced moms of two or more girls feel bad for boy moms because they think their girls are so much better, and we're missing out on so much and maybe our boys are too rough or wild to play with their girls(I'm sure most girl moms absolutely do not feel this way and I'm just crazy)


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No, I totally get what you mean! Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I do get the vibe that girl moms think they have it better, that they feel bad that I got 'stuck' with two boys. Of course not every girl mom is this way, but I've heard plenty of offhand comments about having only boys to think that some really do- an acquaintance was pregnant with her second girl and said that she had a nightmare(!) that the baby turned out to be a boy. I don't hear these comments from people about having more girls, unless it's their 3rd, 4th, etc. One friend was ecstatic to have a girl. She went into her second oregnancy hoping for another girl but had a boy. He's 3 now and she constantly comments on how much she loves the mother-son bond she has with him. She wasn't expecting to enjoy him so much.

But seriously, most boys adore their mamas. Who wouldn't want that? In all fairness, my parents took a lot of crap for having four girls. It definitely goes both ways once you start having more than two, I think.

Edited to add: I feel like I got lucky with my husband also in that he never felt like he needed a boy. Ive had a lot of friends with disappointed husbands when they had girls