Moms of 3+

[atomic sagebrush]

I have an odd family makeup, my husband and I have 2 older boys, then 13 year age gap, then we had 3 more. (so I kinda have 2 families, one with 2, one with 3)

I found going from 1 to 2 harder both times than going from 2 to 3. IT was partly child temperament (kids 1 and 3 were my most difficult, 2,4,5 are laid back) but I think MOSTLY because you have to go all in as a parent. I think a lot of us try to keep up with a normal life LOL with one and two, but with 3 you're pretty much full timing it. It sounds worse, but it's better because instead of trying to keep up with 10,000 balls juggling in the air, you just accept that you're doing kid stuff or household chores most of the time and letting go of a lot of things that are not important. It's a triage kind of thing where you do the things that matter most and learn to let go of other stuff.

Now, it wasn't easy, not gonna lie, but at no point did I ever feel truly as overwhelmed as I did that first year both times going from 1 to 2.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm curious about the transition to having three as well, I'm so on the fence about having another. The article talking about the two girl family being the happiest (know this isn't necessarily true for all families but what the research found at the time) keeps playing in my mind. I'm concerned that we might be ruining a good thing by introducing a third.

This is not what "research" found. It's one questionnaire administered by an unreliable source to a handful of people in some unusual, unique situation (don't remember right this minute, but it was not a random sampling) that is of no scientific meaning whatsoever that media seized on and reported in an even more misleading way because it suits their narrative where girls are better than boys and everyone should have very small families.

If it gives any 2 girl moms peace to believe in it, I hope it does and don't let my opinion stop you, but a lot of other people found this "research" very upsetting and it's junk science. No answers on any questionnaire can tell anyone anything about THEIR family.

[atomic sagebrush]

Greydore, I feel like I could have written this myself! I'm so blessed to have 2 DD's, but I am totally type A and at times having my two feels so overwhelming (mainly by stress I place on myself)! I would love to have another DD, but I do worry (a lot, actually) about it putting me over the edge. I will have a big age gap that I do believe will help (they would be 5 and 7), but I worry about adding stress and starting all over again, especially when I'm finally seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel" and things are getting easier for me. So helpful to see your experiences ladies!

Separately, can someone explain why stressing and being Type A sways blue? Do I need xanax or something lol?

We don't know why. It's just something that I see again and again where the boy moms tend to hunt down every possible thing and beat it into a coma, and the girl moms sometimes will give up easily and feel defeated over things that they can't control. Not ALL, just SOME) There is a theory called "Maternal Dominance Hypothesis" that claims it's testosterone, but this has never been proven and there is quite a lot of newer data that makes me seriously doubt the idea.

If you already have 2 girls I would not sweat the MDH idea at all.

[atomic sagebrush]

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Greydore.

[atomic sagebrush]

So sorry for your loss srg.

[atomic sagebrush]

business - my mom asked my dad for more kids, but he refused after the 4th girl was born!

My greatgrandparents had 6 girls in a row and then 2 boys at the end!! Funny how families are!

[maximbella]

Atomic, thank you SO much for sharing your feedback on the study... That was one of the things my husband tried to share with me when he I brought up trying for a 3rd. He was super opposed to it because he thought that we already had the "perfect setup" and there's even a "study" to prove it. I'm reading him your post tonight when he gets home!

[atomic sagebrush]

Atomic, thank you SO much for sharing your feedback on the study... That was one of the things my husband tried to share with me when he I brought up trying for a 3rd. He was super opposed to it because he thought that we already had the "perfect setup" and there's even a "study" to prove it. I'm reading him your post tonight when he gets home!

Somewhere on here, within the last month I debunked it point by point. Does anyone quickly recall where that was???? (I make a lot of posts so it's tough for me to go back thru my posts and find things like that, but if someone had also posted on that same thread and only has a few posts maybe they can find it easier than I can.

[Greydore]

This is not what "research" found. It's one questionnaire administered by an unreliable source to a handful of people in some unusual, unique situation (don't remember right this minute, but it was not a random sampling) that is of no scientific meaning whatsoever that media seized on and reported in an even more misleading way because it suits their narrative where girls are better than boys and everyone should have very small families.

If it gives any 2 girl moms peace to believe in it, I hope it does and don't let my opinion stop you, but a lot of other people found this "research" very upsetting and it's junk science. No answers on any questionnaire can tell anyone anything about THEIR family.

Thanks for this. It kind of made me sad hearing this since I have two boys. I will say this- friends and family that have had a boy after two girls are overjoyed, the girls love babying their little brother.

[Greydore]

I have an odd family makeup, my husband and I have 2 older boys, then 13 year age gap, then we had 3 more. (so I kinda have 2 families, one with 2, one with 3)

I found going from 1 to 2 harder both times than going from 2 to 3. IT was partly child temperament (kids 1 and 3 were my most difficult, 2,4,5 are laid back) but I think MOSTLY because you have to go all in as a parent. I think a lot of us try to keep up with a normal life LOL with one and two, but with 3 you're pretty much full timing it. It sounds worse, but it's better because instead of trying to keep up with 10,000 balls juggling in the air, you just accept that you're doing kid stuff or household chores most of the time and letting go of a lot of things that are not important. It's a triage kind of thing where you do the things that matter most and learn to let go of other stuff.

Now, it wasn't easy, not gonna lie, but at no point did I ever feel truly as overwhelmed as I did that first year both times going from 1 to 2.

Thanks for your input. Makes me feel better about having a third. My 1 to 2 was easy because 2 was easy, while 1 was hard. Personality definitely matters.