TTC Blue Crew Grads

[Foxy]

Are we going to make this a little competition C?

[begonia]

Hugs Spicy! FWIW, DH and I were like you and your DH but roles reversed ... while he sure would have loved for 1 of our 3 to be a boy, it wasn't some kind of life-long dream. He never really thought about it much so he's just been happy to have our kids, who happen to be girls. I on the other hand had visions of boys, lots of them, and so I .. like your DH ... "coveted" those boy families, and REALLY had to let go of the imaginary son. He was SO real in my mind that I had pretty much convinced myself that it was going to happen for #3, regardless of whether I swayed, if that makes sense. I just saw me with a son so clearly I was sure it was "real" and destined. Clearly not the case at all. And it has taken me three solid weeks to get to a place where I am fully accepting of that and OK with it, so my suggestion is for you to just keep giving him time. He'll get there I bet. Especially when DD2 arrives and just "fits" in your family in a hole he didn't even know was there. I think you've mentioned he grew up with brothers? So perhaps once he sees that his DD1 gets to have that same-gender bond too he'll really see why DD2 arrived. AND ... how great is it that you'll get 2 more shots at this?!? Who knows, could be DS1 and DS2.

Re: letting him sink your ship a bit, do your best to stay in high spirits for him. Try to lift him up instead of letting him bring you down. I can't believe how incredibly great my DH was at doing just that; I'm not sure I could have been there for him the way he was for me. Instead of crying with me about this son we never had, he gently reminded me that what we have instead is 2 awesome (soon to be 3) DD's and he wouldn't change it for the world. If YOU appreciate it, he'll get there. It's a great situation to be in when both parents are NOT having GD because you really can help the other.

On the swaying, I think reading other sways CAN be helpful. But I kind of also think it's just so hard to know. I mean, reading your last sway it's not like you *missed* a letter off a secret code and that's what you need to fix, KWIM? Bear in mind there is a big fat luck component here. There are ladies who did far less (or nothing) and got boys, and ladies who did it *textbook* and got DD. So ... I would focus on reading the research behind TW/IG (reading them again, I'm sure you have read them already) and continue reading any new studies that come up, because all of those are going to have larger samples than just GD/IG can come up with. The reason I did most of what I did was not because of other people's sways, because honestly ... it isn't one size fits all unfortunately ... I made my plan based on the studies. The Oxford study in particular was fascinating to me and I believe the researcher is doing a follow up so hopefully that will be completed in time for you to gain something out of it.

Personally I'm not sure if I'd sway again. I think IF (and that's a big ol' IF) we decided to have #4 I'd take what God gives me with a smile on my face. I couldn't possibly change more than I changed this time. Really, everything about my lifestyle and diet (and DH's too) and even our sex life was different than when we had DD1/DD2, and it still got us DD3. I do think swaying "works" in that it bumps your odds, I'm not down on swaying at all. Even before mine "Failed" I would have said there's no guarantee, KWIM? All you can do is what your gut tells you is good for you guys, and the rest you have to leave up to the big ol' booger of chance! Or as I've chosen to believe ...God's plan all along. If all I did wasn't enough, I'm darned sure this little lady was headed into our arms from long before I even dreamt of TTC again.

I hope DH comes around sooner rather than later! I really can't believe how kind mine has been with me. And I'm sure I'm not done with it yet, but I'm definitely having more good days than bad this week. I mean seriously at first I was ticked we even got pregnant again, so at least I'm back to being glad to have another baby He'll get there! Keep on being gentle with him and he will be thrilled to have her, you all will!

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Thanks B! I just want to reiterate that my DH is awesome! He is loving and supportive, but when I prodded him with crying pg hormones, he did talk about what he pictured for his life- at least some sons (mostly because he is a brother of many boys). I really had to push him and I feel like I put him in a corner to answer.

We were just discussing how dd is like him. She went down a big girl slide today- she is about 18 months and flew like a rocket and landed on her butt. I would have thought she would be afraid to go again, but she went right back up. He loves that about her- and that is so his personality. Not mine at all!

I have read all of the studies, and I know the Oxford one well. The key thing with the Oxford one- wasn't so much what they were eating, but the number of overall calories, which I was getting waaaayyy above my norm-2300 or so, compared to my 1500-1800. I am leaning towards TW bc it is easier to do and frankly not so crazy and healthier, but need to see some more stats. I did read some reviews about the flaws of the data from the Oxford study too- I work in a science research setting I have access to every journal.

Another thought though- I had so much ewcm after starting the diet, I could knit sweaters with it. I know that my environment was so different for this dc than dd. I might have just been the unlucky one with a good sway (like you). We might have been the 30% in the 70% effectiveness of our diet to get a dd. Only so much you can do!

[begonia]

Spicy, ITA about seeing DH in your DD's ... for heavens sake DD1 is like a pretty version of DH, LOL. Even people who don't know my DH say "she must look like her daddy" because she looks nothing like me. Behavior wise though she's mine, but DD2?!? That girl looks like me (eerily so) but acts just like her daddy. She's a handful. And she's the one who adores him most; they are going to have a LOT of adventures together in life I am sure

I see what you're saying about his preference... my DH only had one when pressed too. It wasn't until I was REALLY pressuring him about "are you SURE you're fine with potentially never having a son" that he was like, "well, yes, I can't say I wouldn't love a little guy." And I did feel bad about it. I would have absolutely loved to give him a birth-surprise DS, it would have been pure magic. But I gotta quit thinking about it! Really not a good place for me to go!

I'm with you on seeing so many changes in myself that I KNOW for a fact my sway "worked" in the sense that it changed my hormone levels, my physical muscle/fat balance, etc. It definitely changed me. Just not enough I guess ... I mean realistically like you mention, we might have gotten ourselves 70% boy/30% girl ... but still fall in the 30%. And I guess that's where I'm not sure I'd sway again. I'd probably be devastated to fall in the 30% again and that's why I just don't think I'd sway. I think I'd need to take it as being out of my control, because trying to control it is part of what got me so upset, I think. But everyone reacts differently to that and I see the perspective of "at least I tried!" but that's not how I felt, so for me personally, swaying is probably not part of my future.

IF we have 4! I don't know how y'all do it, ELP and Foxy! Spicy did you grow up with a lot of siblings? I just had one and we're not very close. But I do like the idea of 4 as opposed to 3 because then there's no true middle. I like even numbers. But then I'm like ... FOUR kids?!?! I don't know if DH could get on board with it for real; in theory he says yes, but I think when it comes time to really think about TTC it'll be less likely to go along with it. And I'd have to narrow the gap with #3 and #4 since I'll be almost 34 when this bean is born, my first three will all be about 3 years from one another; #3 and #4 would have to be a less than two year gap. And I'd have to think long and hard about whether I could accept a 4th daughter ... I'm sure I'd have a hard time like I did this time, but if I can get over it this time (and I know I can) I guess I could get over it again

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Yep- our Dh's sound awesome!

I grew up with an older bro- a pigeon pair, and we are not close. I desperately remember wanting someone to talk to about my bad day, bullies, life, but I just didn't have that. I didn't really have it in my father or mother too. Maybe if I had a more maternal mom, it could have been like that, but it just isn't who she is- and that is OK. I appreciate her now. I am way more relational than my mom- so hopefully DD(s) cane come to me.

I think for that reason, with pp- the grass is not always greener. It would have been great to have a sister. I think bigger families tend to be closer, and more exciting to come home to in the holidays. I know some might disagree- and it does depend on the parents and how intentional they are, but for me, I know having 3 or 4 kids will be hard energy-wise, mess-wise, and financially, but I think in the long run, I will really be thankful I did. I mean Foxy and ELP still want more kids- I think they get it! I would love for them to chime in!

As for swaying, I don't blame it at all. There isn't anything I can look back on as really destroying our chance. I think for me, in that sense, I don't mind swaying again. I just want to sway in a way it works!

[begonia]

Yep- our Dh's sound awesome!

I grew up with an older bro- a pigeon pair, and we are not close. I desperately remember wanting someone to talk to about my bad day, bullies, life, but I just didn't have that. I didn't really have it in my father or mother too. Maybe if I had a more maternal mom, it could have been like that, but it just isn't who she is- and that is OK. I appreciate her now. I am way more relational than my mom- so hopefully DD(s) cane come to me.

I think for that reason, with pp- the grass is not always greener. It would have been great to have a sister. I think bigger families tend to be closer, and more exciting to come home to in the holidays. I know some might disagree- and it does depend on the parents and how intentional they are, but for me, I know having 3 or 4 kids will be hard energy-wise, mess-wise, and financially, but I think in the long run, I will really be thankful I did. I mean Foxy and ELP still want more kids- I think they get it! I would love for them to chime in!

As for swaying, I don't blame it at all. There isn't anything I can look back on as really destroying our chance. I think for me, in that sense, I don't mind swaying again. I just want to sway in a way it works!

Spicy I grew up in a similar way! My brother is 3 years older than me and we've really never been close; but our family was very fractured to being with (parents divorced when I was so little I don't remember them being married) so we weren't raised to be a close fam. My mom has herself together now but was a hot mess when I was a kid. DH however grew up pretty storybook and while he was one of 2 kids, his mom was one of 6 and dad one of 10, and I LOVE the idea of the bigger families.

ITA the grass isn't greener ... once she got here and particularly in the last year, DD1 and DD2 are such buddies that I am thrilled to think about them having one another for the rest of their lives. I think it isn't impossible for pigeon pairs or bro/sis from larger families to be tight, but I do think same gender siblings can share experiences in life that different genders can't. So I really am happy for them to have one another. And I hope that DD3 fits right in and they can all be tight, but I do worry about the triangulation of the relationships and how that will work out. Which is why I think sometimes we should just do 4, LOL! But I really don't think DH will go there... but we'll see I know his mom and dad will be on my side

[Cheekymoo]

Spicy- sorry to hear it looks likely to be a girl I know how you feel I think I am with begonia in that for me it was hard to accept that in doing everything it still didn't work so don't think i would sway again even if no.4 was going to happen- which is just isn't for us. But i def think you will love to have two DD's mine just love each other and i hope that your next is a boy.

AFM- I have checked in on the news for the last week but haven't been posting as i have been trying to make peace with the little girl who is on her way to us. I am focusing on the positives but def find it hard when out and seeing others with a mixed gender bunch of kids...or THE worst ones the PP's! I find that soo hard that they can get one of each from two kids and I can't manage it for 3 kids AND with swaying.
I also think the abstolute worst though is the lady across the road has a daughter who is a druggy and just had her second- a boy and she doesn't even look after her first ( a girl) who is one...that just seems so unfair as she probably won't even look after the poor little thing anyway and she probably didn't want to get pregnant anyway.....

For all those still to find out i wish you the best I really think everyone should get there DG!

[begonia]

I am focusing on the positives but def find it hard when out and seeing others with a mixed gender bunch of kids...or THE worst ones the PP's! I find that soo hard that they can get one of each from two kids and I can't manage it for 3 kids AND with swaying.

Cheeky ITA with this! I'm like, SERIOUSLY!??! I tried SO hard and STILL got 3 girls?!? Saturday I was getting donuts with DD2, and the lady in line in front of me was just chatting and came out she had teenagers who were GGB, the B being an accident... and she was like "Oh I still remember when DH found out it was a boy!" and I about wanted to cry knowing we don't get that moment, or that experience of a son.

Overall I am doing sooooo much better but I can honestly say some things, like that convo, will probably always be a bit of a stab in my heart, even after DD3 is here and wonderful and precious. We are IMO just going to have to learn to live with this being a part of our life where we didn't get what we wanted and I don't know that it will ever be easy. I keep trying to think that 3 of a kind is special in its own way. And it is. I want my DD's to grow up and as adults say growing up with 2 sisters was the best thing ever; that would make my own personal bit of pain about never having a son seem inconsequential, so that's going to be my goal .... for them to think their family make-up is perfect, and if I want them to think that I know I have to get to where I believe it too. Definitely working on it! HUGS to you, happy to see you but also totally understand why you've kept distance.

[babydes56]

Spicy, are you going to have another scan to confirm for sure?

B, sooo glad you feeling better!! I am, just living with the fact that i'm not going to have a son & nothing i can do about it so why stress. You know the other day i was thinking about the money i spent on swaying, crazy..nevermind.

Oh i was going to say i read your post on TTC boy thread about Ramziz, my bub & my cousin's girlfriend looked the same & she's had a boy so NO i dont believe Ramziz. The one i've noticed is my baby's sitting on the left & so was DD2 so i dont know if boys sit on the right maybe 3P1B can answer that. I also noticed that hair growth on my legs has reduced since 20wks

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Spicy, are you going to have another scan to confirm for sure?

B, sooo glad you feeling better!! I am, just living with the fact that i'm not going to have a son & nothing i can do about it so why stress. You know the other day i was thinking about the money i spent on swaying, crazy..nevermind.

Oh i was going to say i read your post on TTC boy thread about Ramziz, my bub & my cousin's girlfriend looked the same & she's had a boy so NO i dont believe Ramziz. The one i've noticed is my baby's sitting on the left & so was DD2 so i dont know if boys sit on the right maybe 3P1B can answer that. I also noticed that hair growth on my legs has reduced since 20wks

For sure, I just am preparing myself for the inevitable. There could always be a surprise. "Girl" nubs can be a boy too. Listen to me..

For Ramzi- baby was on the right (or left side of screen), so whatever to that theory!