Loss

[Grace]

Thanks 2boys, I've always loved that name. It reminds me of Little house on the prairie

The thing is, I never got to go back to my normal diet. During my very short pregnancy I wasn't feeling hungry, and I continued to eat pretty much LE style. Ironic huh? Just since the mc everything started getting out of hand. I've gained 3 or 4 pounds this past week!!! Today is a little better diet wise, so I hope I'm on the right track.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

How is the diet now Grace? I also felt like I could have ate better when I was pregnant, I craved carbs like mad but in the 10 weeks I only gained 2 lbs which I have lost in the past week. My appetite has been pretty horrible lately which make the LE diet manageable but I am still cheating- I feel like my soul needs chocolate!

Today I am so angry- I keep seeing ppl who are connected to women who have recently had babies and I just want to scream. One In particular is the mom of a women who is a drug addict and she gave birth to an addicted baby girl the day after my D&C. That reality is just harsh and unbelievably cruel. It basically breaks my heart and soul to think about it. I suppose reminders will pop up all the time- I hope I eventually can deflect them instead of letting them in to destroy any joy I have found since my loss. Some days are just better than others and I am very aware that I would be more able to cope if I could stay sad as opposed to angry. Anger is so ugly and painful.

[Grace]

My diet is ok, but could be a lot better. I just want REAL food you know? I am not as strict as I was before the mc, but trying to do my best. I think anger is a way to get rid of negative emotions, so in way it's good you feel angry. I feel rather numb- not too sad, not happy, kind of confused. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I was so fixed on having another baby before this mess, but after going through this mc I can't help wondering whether it's the right decision for my family. Am I making my kids 'pay' for my obssesion with having a girl? Am I devoting more attention to my not even concieved yet baby instead of my real kids? Yet , I'm continuing this horrible diet so maybe deep down I know the answer xoxoxo

[eleena2014]

I'm feeling angry this month.we ttc the second cycle after miscarriage and I think I'm out. I really wanted to see bfp this month,now I have to go back on the diet e.t.c. I am 12 dpo and still bfn

[2boysJustOneGirl]

The unfortunate thing is we have no control over what our hearts want. I have chosen to go easy on myself and quit the guilt-on some level I believe my boys understand this all and love me anyway, just as I love them in spite of my desire for a daughter. Go easy on yourself Grace❤️

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I'm feeling angry this month.we ttc the second cycle after miscarriage and I think I'm out. I really wanted to see bfp this month,now I have to go back on the diet e.t.c. I am 12 dpo and still bfn

12dpo is still early! There may still be hope.

[1+2+3boys]

A dream is a wish your heart makes (a sentence in some song I heard today)

I hope all you ladies who have had losses are healing. I promise you it does get easier. xo

[atomic sagebrush]

My diet is ok, but could be a lot better. I just want REAL food you know? I am not as strict as I was before the mc, but trying to do my best. I think anger is a way to get rid of negative emotions, so in way it's good you feel angry. I feel rather numb- not too sad, not happy, kind of confused. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I was so fixed on having another baby before this mess, but after going through this mc I can't help wondering whether it's the right decision for my family. Am I making my kids 'pay' for my obssesion with having a girl? Am I devoting more attention to my not even concieved yet baby instead of my real kids? Yet , I'm continuing this horrible diet so maybe deep down I know the answer xoxoxo

Tons of us feel this way, and even sometimes after getting our desired gender. :/ I think sometimes, wow we probably would have been better off without all this gender disappointment, did I do the right thing, etc. I wouldn't change a thing of course, but - I do wonder sometimes.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Just when I feel like I have a bit of my strength back emotionally, a pregnancy announcement "due in July" comes up and I can't help but be so, so sad. And then I am angry because I never used to be this person. And then I hold my breath and realize oh my god, she will probably have a girl...I was supposed to have a girl in July and I really cannot fathom that blow. Defeated.


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[XXforhubby]

Oh honey, I just want to give you a hug! Be kind to yourself right now- you are still healing. Take each day, each moment, as they come. Sit with your feelings, feel them, then just try to breathe. I believe in my heart of hearts you WILL get your DD. 😘


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