I'm so sorry things didn't go your way California. I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way after I saw a clear boy nub at DS2's 13 week ultrasound. I could not enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy and spent the rest of the time pretending I was happy and researching HT. I still feel a lot of guilt over that and I think I always will. Try to keep your chin up! You can still make your dream of a DD a reality.