October 2013 babies!

[motherofboys]

I think its great that some of you have all one gender and never experienced GD, and I know that those who have and have moved on are trying to help, but when the cloud of GD is over you, it doesn't feel like it will for you.
I had Post Natal Depression after my 2nd son was born (not because of his gender, this is my 1st experience of GD) and I could have happily given him away. I remember people who had been through depression telling me there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I wouldn't be this way forever and I would eventually love my baby. I couldn't see it. Thats my biggest fear, is the return of PND after this baby, I didn't get it after number 3 but I didn't are about his gender. I was happy with 3 boys and after quite a lot of bleeding early on I was thankful he was still here. It took me until DS2 was 2 years old and I was pregnant with DS3 to actually feel he was my child and I never want to go through that again. So I will embrace the feelings I feel during my pregnancy after my scan on Tuesday, I've already began grieving after my sure fire boy nub, and will allow myself to feel that way because then I will hopefully have accepted it by the time my baby is born and can love him for who he is.
We all know deep down that gender shouldn't matter the things we want from a particular gender are usually just stereotypes, after 3 brothers and with the most un-girlist girl ever as a Mum I doubt if I had a daughter she would be into any girl things anyway. It doesn't stop me wanting one. I know that the person my child becomes is much more important that their gender and health is paramount. I have felt awful for even caring, I think we have all struggled with our feeling of gender desire because we know that we should only care that the baby is healthy. But it doesn't stop what our heart wants, and sometimes no amount of logic will make our desires any less.
We are all here because we want a certain gender, even if when we get the opposite we are able to deal with that and be happy with out needing time to adjust.

I know every one of us gives our advice or shares our feelings to be helpful to each other, but I do think we need to allow each other the time to get our heads around the fact that the child we dreamed of is now going to be a different child, who wont be loved any less, but it still takes time to change that image in our heads. I feel this site is great because we can share our GD with out fear of being judged, we can hear "at least his healthy" anywhere, and we do know that that is the truth. At least he is healthy and he will fit right in with the family and I know I would never change one of my boys for a girl, so if this one is a boy, I will love him and I would never swap him. It wont stop me wanting a girl though.

I think I'm probably rambling now and I hope I got my point across with out sounding like I was saying anybodies opinions are wrong. xx

[motherofboys]

So I've been catching up on my washing with the lovely weather we have been having and now am so excited to get all the boys old babies clothes out of the loft. I can't wait to see little baby vests hanging along side my big boys clothes.

[Southern Butterfly]

motherofboys you make some great points and if anything I said was upsetting or unsupportive then I do apologize as that was not at all my intentions. I really do try hard to balance showing my understanding and empathy for GD with also trying to share something positive. In my personal experience I always cringed when someone told me "sorry you are having a boy" and it still drives me nuts this pregnancy. I have heard and still do hear that from everyone IRL so I'm very careful to never say it here (it may just be me personally who feels this way). When I respond to someone I ttry to tell them the things that helped me when I had GD. When all the responses to my announcement were doom and gloom about what a tragedy my baby's gender was, it just made me feel worse whereas getting some congratulations made me feel a little better that maybe things weren't as bad as I thought. Again I know everyone is different and is helped by different kinds of support but for me what helped me most was hearing from ladies who had all one gender and still got over their GD. It gave me so much hope that these feelings wouldn't last forever and I would be ok. I don't at all mean to put anyone down for how they feel or make them feel bad for sharing their feelings. I just want to offer some understanding along with hope, that's all.

Sorry for my long ramble too. I know this isn't my group and I don't mean to crash it

[Navywife620]

So I've been catching up on my washing with the lovely weather we have been having and now am so excited to get all the boys old babies clothes out of the loft. I can't wait to see little baby vests hanging along side my big boys clothes.

Did you have your scan already??

[motherofboys]

Like I say I know no one meant to upset anybody and we all simply share our experiences in order to help each other.
I just thought it worth pointing out the other side.

[motherofboys]

Did you have your scan already??

No its Tuesday, I'm just feeling good today. I'm pretty certain I'm having a boy, but I feel excited to sort through all the old clothes, something that will need doing whether we have a boy or a girl, and to see tiny clothes hanging out on the line whatever colour.
My friend had her baby boy today so I'm thinking about that time just after having a new baby I guess.

[harleyquinn]

You know, my sister died about a year and half ago and I have written a big long poem about all the things people say to make me feel better but just don't. They just don't KNOW. Grief is very private and what comforts one doesn't another. As well, after my 8 miscarriages, if I had a nickel for every person and doctor that told me just to give up and move on...well, I would be a rich lady.

GD is the same way...there are NO words, its something you have to come to terms with yourself. But just as former amputees are coming forward to provide inspiration to those that lost limbs in the Boston bombings...showing a fresh perspective and healing....its pretty powerful to reach out and show a suffering human being some hope.

Here is another thread where I thought there was some great perspectives on having an all boy family.
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/due-...-boy-here.html

If I were to fully say how much it sucks, I would be no better than the people who feel sorry for us that we have all boys. Instead, I prefer to say "hey..this hurts now but we are strong and you can get through this with some work". And I do understand.

Hoping you all find peace.

[wannagirl21]

I don't know what I'm having yet but when I found this site and was browsing around I remember coming across this ladies comment which said " It's not about wanting what you don't have, it's about wanting what you have. ! " So even though I would love to have a girl I want my boyu's and wouldn't of even traded them if God gave me the opportunity before they where born. I'm not saying it's bad to want a girl cuz I want one but if I don't get one I will just have to be at peace with what I got. Sometimes I would catch myself being so obsessed with the idea of having a girl I would waist time worring about it then spending quality time with the kids I do have. I also made up in my mind that I do not have to have a girl to control my happiness in life because no matter what I get I am blessed no matter what because I don't want to take it out on my boy's or my husband because it's completly not their fault in any way shape or form. I find out in a couple weeks and I have just made up in my mind I am gonna be at peace with whatever theis baby is because there's not too much I can do about it. These are just some things I have pondered over the last couple weeks hope it helps if not I'm sorry but the pain does go away and you alway's end up loving an adoring your child in the end, I'm not saying it's gonna be eaasy it's something you will ahve to work at everyday and take each day at a time.

[Navywife620]

Tonight has been a bad evening. DH is gone a lot with his job and has been gone for the last 2 weeks. I was at a friends for dinner and the boys were acting up being wild and crazy and acting like boys. So I came home crying on the phone to DH saying if this 3rd one is another boy I don't know how I am going to do it. I am SO stressed taking care of them with DH gone all the time that bringing a third crazy boy in the mix is going to drive me over the edge. I am praying a lot and I always do, I need God's strength because my life is so stressful right now and I know it is not good for the baby either.

[motherofboys]

I'm feeling very calm the past few days, I think maybe after being so certain since my 12 weeks scan that I have mostly dealt with the feelings of not getting a girl. Its not having anther boy thats the 'problem' because I love boys and am happy to have boys, it would just have been nice to get a girl in the mix somewhere.
I feel like I'm just waiting for confirmation so I can get on with getting ready for my boy and have DH finally discuss names with me after his been so certain its a girl he wont talk about boy names.
I may feel differently once I know for sure and then see others announcing girls but I hope that I don't feel as bad as I did after my 12 week scan.