A place for those who swayed for a boy but are having or had a GIRL *Support Thread*

Oh Spicy, I'm sorry to hear that! Sisters is really great, I can say that FOR SURE... I never had one but am thrilled for my girls. Much as I said I never wanted DD's I can honestly say the two of them together are just awesome. I genuinely mean it and am not just trying to make you feel better! And do remember ... nubs can be misleading! I wouldn't call her DD2 just yet! And don't forget there are many women who DO get DS after 2 or more DD's. I would sway again with 3 and 4 if I were you.

I'm in such a weird place these days and I hate it. I am totally excited to be having another baby and don't feel any regret about having a 3rd (initially I was thinking it was a big mistake when I heard girl, so this is a huge improvement) and I am even excited to see who she is, because the little personalities in my first two are super fun. But I can't get past feeling sad several times a day that the little boy I envisioned (oh how I could see him!) isn't coming our way, that my girls will not have a brother, that we will not have that parent/son relationship. I don't regret having a 3rd but there are moments I wish we had just adopted #3 instead of making our own again. And then I get mad at myself because I KNOW how lucky I am but I can't seem to beat the emotions into submission, LOL. I HATE not being able to control how I feel. And I hate not being able to control what kind of baby I have. Clearly I have control issues :) I just keep praying that it will go away and in 3 years time I will be happy with what I have. I know sooooo many families with 3 girls; they all seem to be doing a-ok, KWIM? I don't see them running out to adopt a baby boy.

Anyhow, #4 isn't TOTALLY out of the question but I just really can't wrap my head around 4. I always wanted 3, even if we had BG I would have had a third, so it wasn't wholly about trying for a son. But #4 (we would likely adopt if we went for #4) would be 100% about wanting a gender, not as much about just wanting a child. And until I can move more into wanting a 4th child and not just wanting a boy, I think 4 is a bad idea for us. So then I come back to the place where I'm never going to have a son and that place is no fun whatsoever to be in.

BAH. Times like this I wish I could just have a drink!

Hey B.....I completely understand how you feel. I am a pretty big control freak too, so I also hate when I can't control my emotions or a situation (like mine now, lol). I think it will just take some time, and hopefully by her birth, you will be free of those feelings. I guess that should be your mission now, to find a way to shake them. I think sometimes they must make their way through your system for a while, which is good and normal, and then you have to let it go. Do you do prenatal yoga? That may be a great way to work at finding peace.....I LOVE yoga, especially at good yoga centers where they are not just about the exercise part but also about the spiritual part. I always feel so much more in tune with myself and the world when I leave a good yoga class. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you how awesome prenatal is when you're pg.

B, since you said you guys are blessed with the resources for another, why don't you consider going HT? I'd do it in a heartbeat! You are young and healthy enough, I bet it would work first shot. Seriously, I would do it. It would cost you the same as an adoption, for the most part, and it would be your own. Not that adoption wouldn't be wonderful, but you know, it would be your and DH's biological son. And I know you are kinda private IRL, you wouldn't have to tell anyone....I've seen threads where lots of HT ladies don't tell and act like the whole thing is a big surprise from the pregnancy to the finding out gender. Just sayin......

:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

Thanks B! You know what, after my tear fest with Hubs, I have decided that we as girl mom's are awesome! B- you seem like such an awesome person and your life should not be, for one minute, less joyful without a son! I am going to choose to not let anyone rob me of my joy of this dd. I am playing with DD right now, and she is amazing. Her sister will be too. Your newest DD will be too!

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Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi

Thanks B! You know what, after my tear fest with Hubs, I have decided that we as girl mom's are awesome! B- you seem like such an awesome person and your life should not be, for one minute, less joyful without a son! I am going to choose to not let anyone rob me of my joy of this dd. I am playing with DD right now, and she is amazing. Her sister will be too. Your newest DD will be too!

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Yay, I love reading this! Spicy, I will also add that 2 girls, or even more, is amazing. I LOVE watching my girls play together and love that they will be best friends for life. They have a very special bond that no one will ever break. And you know, could end up not being a girl that you are carrying, you never know. Either way, I am so happy for you all that you are having healthy little babies!

Awww, Lola, you are far too gracious with me, really. I really appreciate how patient you are to talk through this with me when you're dealing with some hard stuff on your own; honestly, I can look outside myself long enough to want to scream at myself to SHUT UP already and be happy with three healthy girls! So thank you for not doing that, and instead being so kind. You're a lovely person.

Re: high tech, DH wouldn't go for it. I *think* I would be up for trying 1-2 cycles, though I've seen 2 close friends go through it and it isn't easy. But he really wasn't even into swaying b/c of the whole idea of "picking" seemed not right to him. Obviously I don't feel that way :) He's said he wants a boy, but he feels nowhere near like I do about it ... he really will be thrilled to have a third healthy daughter. He feels like if God wanted us to have a son he'd give us one, and in his opinion, we need to figure out whether that means try again naturally (if this is a girl, LOL, since he technically still doesn't know, just believes) or adopt. I'd LOVE to have a son of our own for sure. If Microsort becomes available again for gender selection I might be able to get him to do that since it isn't 100%. But I know for sure he won't do IVF/PGD. Anyhow, where I do feel weird about the adoption is like you mentioned... I am very private, and I hate that many people would know we adopted a son since we couldn't "make" one of our own, KWIM? There would be no hiding that! And would my girls feel like they were somehow NOT what we wanted if we adopt a son? I'd hate that; I do adore them and wouldn't change them, I just ALSO want a son. From that perspective I'd almost rather sway again. Who knows. At this point I so can't see myself with 4 kids so am praying I'll be OK soon with the 3 girls I have. I will say if I was in your position, dealing with true infertility and not just gender desire, I'd FOR SURE do HT. Personally I have nothing against it. If DH was on board I'd be in.

Spicy, you do totally rock, you know that right?!?! I was thinking that today, really, just what you said, that my life shouldn't be any less joyful because I don't have a son. You're absolutely right. I truly believe when I am an old woman and I see women with baby girls I'll probably tear up over the days I spend crying about my own, KWIM? I feel like such an idiot for feeling this way but at the same time am beyond thankful for this place as an outlet, because if I had to keep all this in (though I have talked to one of my BFFs about it) I think I'd feel 1000 times worse. I'm glad you're taking it so well! And really ... you still have a shot at blue!! Don't fret too long about the nub!

Hey, B you can tell your DH that there is a lot praying and begging during an IVF cycle too. My creed I live by is that I don't ask God for anything outright- like something to be given to me...I ask Him to meet me half way. You never know what half way is though- how far some of us have to go to get there. For some of you, it is the sacrifice through swaying and for others, it ends up being HT. Either path, if you believe, I assure you He is involved.

My creed went out the window the week of my cycle too I am sad to say. My DD's go to a Christian school but I was raised Catholic and we don't read the Bible(giggle) so I wasn't really familiar with the specific text. I know I had seen something about asking God for what you want and so I found the passage and read it and sure enough, right there in black and white. After that moment, I begged Him to give me a son too.

He was hand picked. We started with 23 eggs and it dwindled down to 3 males. I transferred all 3(first one which didn't take and then 2) and came out of that mess with one baby. What I had begged for. So, He's there. I don't feel we overstepped our bounds. I feel like if it wasn't supposed to be that way, then it just wouldn't work.

I am not trying to be disrespectful to anyone. I totally understand that HT is not for everyone and surely crosses many lines on both a personal and religious level for many.

I am only typing this because you said you would be okay with it and if DH is your only obstacle, maybe you can work on him! FWIW, it is always the wife driving the HT process- doesn't matter if you want a boy or girl- the wife is the one researching, planning, etc and our DH's are just nice enough to go along for the ride. I told my RE at our first visit that I was the one driving this crazy ship and my DH was nice enough to come along for the ride!

NBP thanks a BUNCH for sharing that. The point about if it doesn't take, it wasn't God's plan, might really speak to him and his thoughts on us trying to control a process we shouldn't. I think it is precious how you refer to him as being "handpicked" ... that makes me want to cry. (although, I do cry at a LOT of things lately!) If he does open up to it I will likely have loads of questions for you next year. I really would love to give it a shot if he came around.

Hi Nuthinbutpink :)

I am wondering if you can tell me whats involved in the pgd ivf process. i would have to travel to the US to do it so i am wondering how long i would have to stay there to do the cycle etc.? We are seriously considering this.

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Originally Posted by believinginblue

Hi Nuthinbutpink :)

I am wondering if you can tell me whats involved in the pgd ivf process. i would have to travel to the US to do it so i am wondering how long i would have to stay there to do the cycle etc.? We are seriously considering this.

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Hi there. So not to completely highjack this lovely thread, I'd encourage you to venture over to the HT forums. There is loads of info there, stickies for women currently cycling so you may follow along with them.

Just ask away over there and you're sure to find help!

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Originally Posted by SpicyTunaSushi

HUGS BEGONIA! My 13 week nub was not promising- so probably joining this thread. I am happy to get DD a sister. In fact, what I always wanted! But, sad for DH. We will have another- probably 2, but feeling like DD3 and DD4 are a reality too. :)

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Show us your nub shots! :)