Page 4 of 10 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 100
  1. #31
    Moderator
    TTC5's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,436
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    7
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Begonia, ask him... what is the difference with adopting and picking a son, and going HT and picking a son
    Fathers Day baby!


    Busy Mummy of 5 now working from home: www.oz.scentsy.com.au

  2. #32
    Dream Vet

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    1,917
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by TTC5 View Post
    Begonia, ask him... what is the difference with adopting and picking a son, and going HT and picking a son
    He has a hard time with the creation of embryos we wouldn't ever use. He feels like they would be our kids .... and how could we deny our kids a chance at life? So in his mind better to not create something from our sperm and our egg. I think he'd go for sperm spinning but the % there for boys aren't great.

    Honestly at this point I think I've just got to give up on this dream and try to find a way to move forward and enjoy my 3 girls and forget about wanting a son. I am struggling so much; every day it seems like there's some kind of challenge, either seeing a cute baby boy at preschool or trying to buy clothes for DD2 and seeing boys layette and knowing I can't have that. It just sucks. I said it on another thread but I just wish I had never even heard of swaying, once I heard of it I had to try it, but I wish I never felt like this was something that I could impact. Because since I did try to impact it I'm left feeling like I failed. Like this baby is a reminder of my being inadequate in some way. I know I ought to leave my sway up for others to see as a "what not to do" but I'm thinking of deleting it, because I keep re-reading it myself trying to figure out what I did wrong. I thought it was so fun to BD on my birthday to TTC my DG; I guess I should have waited until a "boy" month? I thought getting that BFP was so fun since I knew we got pg on my birthday and now I just feel like it was a big mistake and I want a do-over. I need to start thinking of this baby as my birthday present Not that I'll ever tell her that, I mean how mortifying to know you were conceived on your mom's birthday, LOL.

    Anyhow, I hate where I am emotionally. This little baby is a person who has no doubt great things ahead of her, and here I sit moping that she doesn't have a penis! If I wasn't so sad I'd find it funny. GD is just such a sucky thing to have.

  3. #33
    Moderator
    LolaInLove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    3,224
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Begonia, I swear that everything you write here I would be writing if I was in your position. And first off, let me say that I am not being gracious to you or anyone here (and I don't mean that in a bad way!)....our lives are what they are, each one of us individually, and everyone's struggle is significant. Just because we can't conceive doesn't mean I don't feel everyone's issues also, and I totally know how you feel. Like I said, I would feel the exact same way. There is joy, and there is guilt. I also sometimes hate that I found out about swaying because here I am, over a year later, looking like a different person and FEELING like a different person, too. Maybe we would have just ttc and maybe without the loads of supps, it would have worked sooner, maybe maybe maybe. But, like NBP was saying about God being a part of all of our plans and actions, I think there is a reason I found out about it. I think this whole process has made me HUMBLE, and made me grateful for what I have and not to ever expect that things will turn out the way that I think they will. I have to appreciate life for the crazy journey that it is. In fact, this is my favorite quote- it's on a beautiful card that I keep square on my fridge like a shrine:

    I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language...don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
    (rainer maria rilke)


    I love this thread because I think it is going to heal you. I don't think it will be anything any of us have to say in particular, but it will be because you have an outlet to vent your true feelings, which are 1000% legitimate and normal in every way.

    The day to day struggles are hard. I have them too. I have all sorts of feelings about my situation, and sometimes some about my husband that I wish I didn't have where I resent him for being the problem. I get a big lump in my throat when I see a baby, a pregnant lady, hear about my girl's soon to be half-sister, my other million friends with babies that were easily conceived. But I just HAVE to believe that there is a purpose in all of this. I will become stronger, my marriage with DH will become solid as a rock, and we will find a light at the end of the tunnel someday. I think you will get there also, love....don't hate where you are, try to accept that it is totally normal and believe that you will get over it soon.

    Regarding HT, love what NBP wrote also, that handpicked part choked me up also. She is right, God enabled her to go through that journey to handpick her son herself, but He had handpicked him long ago, just like he did your sweet little DD3. I think you and DH should just take a step away from worrying about #4 now.....enjoy where you are if you can. Put the adoption/HT/microsort/will we have another stuff in back corner in your mind for a while if you can, and then you can talk about it another day when you have your 3 kids running around and it's time to address it. I know, easier said than done, but that may help. You need to not only try to find a peaceful spot right now, but enjoy this as well. I also know it might help to have that "safety net" of another one, and it being guaranteed a boy, and if that helps you and he agrees to go along with that, that is wonderful. If not, just set it aside for a while. Big hugs, B......

    XXOO
    (2002) (2005) from 1st marriage. TTC since Aug 2010- Dx: low sperm count and 1% normal sperm. We are giving up and moving on with a baby-free life.
    UPDATE: surprise bfp in Feb 2013! It's a BOY!

    NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

  4. #34
    Dream Vet

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    cali
    Posts
    2,347
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    yes i agree, put away #4 for now and go thru your emotions of GD. you have to "mourn" in order to heal..at least that how i see it. ifyou dont face it, it ll come back. that works for me..closure.

    and please dont harp on i should have done this, i should have done thats...you did what was supposed to happen. you did it the right way. i highly doubt a 'boy month' would have changed things. many boys are conceived in 'girl months' and vice versa. this is just how it was supposed to happen. for a reason. for the precious healthy girl that will enter your lives and start tearing up your house.

    i feel for you even tho i havent gone thru it B, we are all here for you, as well as your new daughter. she cant wait to meet you.

    Polpectomy/Hysteroscopy complete (2 polyps)
    June ER @ HRC
    30 retrieved, 24 mature, 23 fertilized, 17 to biopsy, 5 normal, 2xy!, 1 transferred, 1 frozen
    HB seen at 6w4d!

    I can't believe I did this!

    My HT son
    My family is complete. Baby fever resolved!

  5. #35
    Dream User

    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    81
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Begiona and Lola - This thread almost brings tears in my eyes.... you both are so open and true to your expressions. Thanks everyone who contributed to this discussion......so relevant to most of us as everyone of us have a reason to be on this site.....

  6. #36
    Moderator
    TTC5's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,436
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    7
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    It will be hard I won't lie

    Only thing that makes it easier to cope with is time. I'm here for an inbox anytime you need someone to chat to xx
    Fathers Day baby!


    Busy Mummy of 5 now working from home: www.oz.scentsy.com.au

  7. #37
    Dream Vet

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    1,917
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by LolaInLove View Post
    Begonia, I swear that everything you write here I would be writing if I was in your position. Thank you so much for that Lola.

    I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language...don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
    (rainer maria rilke)


    I love this thread because I think it is going to heal you. I don't think it will be anything any of us have to say in particular, but it will be because you have an outlet to vent your true feelings, which are 1000% legitimate and normal in every way.

    But I just HAVE to believe that there is a purpose in all of this. I will become stronger, my marriage with DH will become solid as a rock, and we will find a light at the end of the tunnel someday. I think you will get there also, love....don't hate where you are, try to accept that it is totally normal and believe that you will get over it soon.


    XXOO
    I love that quote. I'm going to have to write it down and re-read it a BUNCH. Quotes help me; so does putting on some of my favorite music and just singing loudly in my car with my girls Luckily most of my faves don't have explicit lyrics...

    And I love what you wrote and I bolded. I think it's wise. I do really, truly believe that I will get through this JUST FINE. I believe I am going to cherish this next girl as much as I cherish the other two. I also do believe I will probably always long for a son. But I can live with that longing, I think. We are putting off the decision about 4 until we have 3 and live with 3. I'm not sure I can see myself (or our family, this isn't just about me, I have to remember!) with 4 kids; I honestly think for us it might be better to live with the longing for a son than live with raising 4 kids.

    Hugs to you too, I can't imagine how tough some of the moments in the day are on you as well. I think there's nothing wrong or abnormal with the emotional reaction to resenting your DH re: the sperm thing. I know I have had moments where I look at my DH and wonder WTH he can't give me some Y sperm. So I imagine in your situation yes, I'd definitely be having moments where it would be hard not to just "blame" him and get upset. But, and I'm sure you're in a similar boat.... I love him to bits. He didn't do this to disappoint me. He would change it for me if he could. And I am SURE your DH would as well. So it's hard to carry the resentment too far there, thank goodness.

  8. #38
    Dream Vet

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    1,917
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by gizmo77 View Post
    yes i agree, put away #4 for now and go thru your emotions of GD. you have to "mourn" in order to heal..at least that how i see it. ifyou dont face it, it ll come back. that works for me..closure.

    and please dont harp on i should have done this, i should have done thats...you did what was supposed to happen. you did it the right way. i highly doubt a 'boy month' would have changed things. many boys are conceived in 'girl months' and vice versa. this is just how it was supposed to happen. for a reason. for the precious healthy girl that will enter your lives and start tearing up your house.

    i feel for you even tho i havent gone thru it B, we are all here for you, as well as your new daughter. she cant wait to meet you.
    Thank you Gizmo If DD3 is anything like DD2, yes, my house will be in shambles in no time, LOL! I know I can't harp on the timing etc (esp given that what's done is done!) but, as I was talking with my bestie today, it's SO hard when you DO feel like you control it. Having been a OHW every time, I FEEL like this is MY choice, when I get pg, KWIM? She (also a OHW, but with boys) reminded me that while I might *think* it's my "pick" as to when I get pg, it isn't. I'm religious, and she was kind enough to beat back into my head that this isn't about ME. God planned this baby long before I did. And if God hadn't felt the timing was right, well, I would've gotten a BFN. And if God felt this baby should be a girl, then no amount of baking soda or V8 or nuts for breakfast could have changed that.

    So I need to get over it. I have a hard time feeling like I don't have a "perfect" family b/c I don't have one of each... or 3 boys like I thought I wanted. I have a hard time knowing the family name for my DH will die out. I have a hard time feeling like making girls somehow makes me less of a success, or means I'm somehow weak. I can't lie that all of those are things I struggle with. That people will somehow find it pitiful that we have all these girls and no sons, that my DH is somehow less of a man. The funny thing is, all those SK blog posts about TW psychology had me thinking we'd for sure have a son ... we're tall, we're successful, our fields were very analytical, etc. I was sure the only thing I was doing "wrong" was my diet. Eh. It is what it is. Clearly we're meant to have girls and I'm sure one day we'll know why.

    Today is a better day for me though. I'm so thankful for all of you, I really, really am. I agree with what Lola said about this thread bringing healing. I hope I'm not the only one finding it to be so helpful, dreamblue, thanks for chiming in, too! Ha. That rhymed

  9. #39
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    408
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by begonia View Post
    Thank you Gizmo If DD3 is anything like DD2, yes, my house will be in shambles in no time, LOL! I know I can't harp on the timing etc (esp given that what's done is done!) but, as I was talking with my bestie today, it's SO hard when you DO feel like you control it. Having been a OHW every time, I FEEL like this is MY choice, when I get pg, KWIM? She (also a OHW, but with boys) reminded me that while I might *think* it's my "pick" as to when I get pg, it isn't. I'm religious, and she was kind enough to beat back into my head that this isn't about ME. God planned this baby long before I did. And if God hadn't felt the timing was right, well, I would've gotten a BFN. And if God felt this baby should be a girl, then no amount of baking soda or V8 or nuts for breakfast could have changed that.

    So I need to get over it. I have a hard time feeling like I don't have a "perfect" family b/c I don't have one of each... or 3 boys like I thought I wanted. I have a hard time knowing the family name for my DH will die out. I have a hard time feeling like making girls somehow makes me less of a success, or means I'm somehow weak. I can't lie that all of those are things I struggle with. That people will somehow find it pitiful that we have all these girls and no sons, that my DH is somehow less of a man. The funny thing is, all those SK blog posts about TW psychology had me thinking we'd for sure have a son ... we're tall, we're successful, our fields were very analytical, etc. I was sure the only thing I was doing "wrong" was my diet. Eh. It is what it is. Clearly we're meant to have girls and I'm sure one day we'll know why.

    Today is a better day for me though. I'm so thankful for all of you, I really, really am. I agree with what Lola said about this thread bringing healing. I hope I'm not the only one finding it to be so helpful, dreamblue, thanks for chiming in, too! Ha. That rhymed
    B-

    BOLD is exactly what I feel. It is God's choice, he is sovereign- and he is good! He desires good for all of us, even if it means suffering (think of Job).

    Underline is also why I feel like I need to have a boy. It really isn't about what I want, but how I want others to perceive me. But like I said, I can't allow that to rule my life.
    TTC Blue!

  10. #40
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    408
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    And if you knew my husband- he is 100% man. Most muscular (naturally) among his brothers, very smart, successful, athletic, etc. I, other than my diet for TW's sake, am a pretty dominant female too. But for some reason, I always think of Martha Stewart. She would totally would fit the TW personality profile- but has 2 dds. And no one is feeling sorry for her, I promise.
    TTC Blue!

Page 4 of 10 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •