blue swayers why???

[LMSM]

Hey!
It’s actually a really interesting topic, thanks!
I always had the desire to have a son, it’s weird but in my ‘perfect family picture’ I envisioned a big brother and a tribe of younger kids – boys and girls –I just always had that mental image of that. Like having 2 boys then 2 girls or a BGBG pattern would have been my ideal!
I was the eldest in my family (well I have a half-sister older than me but we don’t get along and she didn’t live with us – was o/s –if we had, I might have had a more positive outlook on having a bunch of girls first) – followed by 2 younger brothers. I always was the ‘2nd mum” – I am a bit of a control freak and like to have order – my mum went through some tough years health wise when I was still a teenager living at home, my dad was o/s for work most of the time – I cared for my younger siblings and the household a lot. I felt I had to step up as my mum, god love her, was a bit of a lax mum, too much so, and my desire for order, and control took over so things could run smoother for my brothers’ sake mainly (and my sanity). I would hate to have that happen in my home and have my girls feel like they have to be the carers etc – I think.
I always pictured myself with a family different than mine, I guess – a boy then some girls and boys - and also, I would have been happy to have like 5 girls if I could have had a boy first. I think the pressure was from me – even before I met my now husband, I saw myself surrounded by a tribe of boys and a couple of little girls to “finish off” – I was never in the mindset “I don’t want a girl” – but rather “ I sooo want a boy”. I would never regret having my girls nor wish for them to have been boys, but I will regret not having a mother-son relationship one day if that never eventuates.
My husband could not care less for gender – so never had any “pressure” from him on gender of our kids (though I think he secretly is somewhat worried about what having a son night entail – his parents divorced when he was young and his relationship with his own dad can be fragile: he therefore puts a lot of pressure on himself somehow I think to have a good relationship with his kids and a boy would be something he would maybe fear of living the difficulties he had with his dad with his own son – I may just extrapolate as we haven’t discussed this).

I know that family are generally less excited for 2nd/3rd etc bubs, and definitely felt that when we announced my 2nd pregnancy (being far away from any help/family probably makes them think we are nuts to have more than 1!) but we kept the gender secret until her birth. I could not cope with the idea of people being less excited for her arrival just because she was the same gender as her sister – the whole” you don’t need Xyz because you already have a girl”. Yes when it’s not your 1st child, you likely need less, but does that mean the 2nd born should be less celebrated and spoilt? Anyways, as much as people love her now – I did feel the disappointment in some people – which enrages me to a level beyond belief – and makes me even more of a lioness mama, wanting to protect them fiercely.
I have had the whole “so will you try for a boy next?” – and shrugged it off – I know it’s also part of the social norm for people to expect pigeon pairs so they don’t always mean to upset. But it does upset me in that I know 1000% that if I had another girl I would love her with every ounce of my being just like her sisters – and no less than if she was a boy. I do yearn for a boy – terribly – and my heart aches when I do see baby boys, because I long for that too…I think in this case it’s just human nature to want what you don’t have and want that “balance”.
But coming back to the original topic – yes, I was ready to TTC after both DD1 and DD2 pretty quickly – but tbh that is more linked to the fact it was not easy getting pregnant with them and I am not getting younger or more fertile so just wanted to get on with it… if I had had a boy, I may have put less pressure on myself in a way but still think that if my fertility story had been the same, I would have taken the same approach to it and hoped to get pregnant relatively fast after bub was born.
I always wanted at least 3 or even better 4 kids, so even if I had had a pigeon pair, I would have wanted a couple more kids -

[ChezIBY]

... SO excited to be posting back here after finally becoming a REAL Mom Like YEAH, now I'm up there with all you girls, I did it Signature update please! And I feel like I've MISSED everyone!!

I must share my new and improved (?) opinion on the subject at hand here, as well as share how it's been going in the process! Bear with me..

In a nutshell - I think you're right Atomic, I think maybe (with exceptions probably, but perhaps as a trend) maybe girl babies are a bit easier? I'm saying this cause.. Flashback to seven weeks back

My birth went GREAT I was so relieved! And I do believe that I got through those weird moments during pregnancy (the GD strangeness) largely thanks to feedback I've read on the forums here (so great how one can come here and talk openly about GD, no judgement and truthful insights; I just sailed through the gloomier instances repeating to myself that I would love DD and that I was not a bad person for having felt GD and it was not because of that that we wouldn't be close, ever, etc.) I did feel close to her at once and just really pleased about how everything had gone. Close, I'm not saying I was crazy in love, but close and didn't imagine things differently from then on, like you can't imagine living without your arm or something.

She's an easy baby. Even me, with my absolute lack of knowledge, could see that at once. She was sleeping longish stretches at night at once, she never cries more than.. I don't know, twenty minutes maybe? per day. She likes hanging out with us, but also doesn't mind hanging out for quite a while on her own if we're doing something. She was born right in the middle of summer - we didn't even hit the pause button, partly and mostly because of how laid back she is. We just careened on with our usual lifestyle, though parents and in-laws all live far and we had no one to help. Still, we were receiving friends and throwing dinner parties when she was just ten days old, on a semi-daily basis. I would go grab lunch at a cafe with some girlfriends when I felt up to walking a bit further (maybe when she was fifteen days old?) not when she 'allowed' it, because she is just so relaxed! I would roll her over with me in her pram and she would just snooze or look around her while I chatted with my girlfriends. EVERYONE, random passers by included, commented on how adorable and 'sage' ('well-behaved' in French) she was for such a tiny baby (so I sorta felt proud though i hadn't really done anything to deserve it). Part of the 'living on the way we did before' was out of some sort of pride on my side I guess, cause I was honestly tired sometimes (mostly due to breastfeeding demands while I hadn't yet fully recuperated from pregnancy and birth I guess, I am exclusively BF) and I did feel a tad weak when we'd be at the latest barbecue or something.. but none of my or DH's friends have kids yet, we're the first, so it was a bit of a 'let's show that we aren't on the shelf now cause we had a kid' thing, if you see what I mean. Silly, I know, but DH was so happy about DD, and at the same time so pleased that she was all calm like that and we could keep going out and doing things with her in tow, that I didn't want to throw a damper on things saying I was tired and would prefer a lie-in.

And I let slip my probiotic and vitamins and healthy eating routine.. though Atomic had kindly spoken to me about that before I gave birth. LISTEN to Atomic ladies, she has five kids, she knows her stuff.

I got mastitis which turned into a breast abscess and no one was the wiser until it got GINORMOUS because other than that I was feeling ok, no fever no nothing (which is a common symptom for mastitis it seems). My doctor thought I just had engorgement from the milk and said it'd go away.. it didn't! By the time I got a scan and they said 'abscess' the bugger was so huge that the doctors told me they'd have to operate and that of course I'd have to wean from BF abruptly. Now THAT's when I got that a) No way did I want to wean! I hadn't enjoyed BF that much up till then, but I suddenly realized in a blink that it was important to me and that I didn't want to give it up, certainly not so soon. b) Felt guilty/stupid for having focused so much on showing the 'world' that I can have it 'all' - tiny baby and busy social life - instead of just taking things in stride and taking time to bond with DD etc. c) Operation?? No more breastfeeding DD, and no more breastfeeding ever maybe?? Panic!

Thanks are due to the Anglo-Saxons again You guys invented needle aspiration for treating abscesses apparently, and I was lucky enough to find the ONE doctor out of the two currently residing in Paris who have trained in treating huge breast abscesses using this method (trained in the US from what I gathered). I had to have multiple aspirations, but as of a few days now I am officially abscess-free and I never weaned!

Heaven forbid anyone on here should be confronted with the same problem, but should you be, and should you be residing in Europe, come to me and I'll introduce you to my doctor Don't let them cut your breasts open (or cut them off, yuck)

And back to the subject at hand - I was majorly stressed during those few overloaded days when we dashed around seeing doctors. We took DD with us everywhere - it came up on us so suddenly that we had no time to think about sitters and that sort of thing, just dragged her along. She was a champ! Never complaining, just laying in her pram and looking at us while we discussed things with the doctors. I realized it somewhere during those days, that I did love her, which was why I had been so upset at the idea of premature weaning - and that I was so grateful to her for being such an angel through it all. What we would have done if she were continuously crying or screaming her head off while we had to rush around I have no idea.

So maybe (?) Maybe girls are a bit easier? I am trying to take things a bit slower now, following the abscess, but still, I do not feel over-exhausted or anything. Me and DH were speaking just now without a trace of irony about when we wanted baby number two - partly for DD now, cause we love her and want her to have a sibling, - but I also guess we would not discuss that if we were exhausted all the time after she arrived. It goes along with the HE/LE diet and everything else, right - maybe making a girl 'depletes' a mother's resources less somewhat? Or am I totally wrong?

At least now i feel like - I would like to sway next time round, but would not mind another one of the same

And I also feel like 'how does Atomic and other people with 4+ kids do it??' lol You're superheroes...

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh no! So thankful you didn't have to have an operation!! Wow what an ordeal! I got mastitis all the time when nursing for some reason but it never progressed to that point luckily.

With my first, it took about a week and then I looked at him and thought "Oh gosh I love him!" It wasn't an immediate thing at all for me.

How lucky that DD is such a good baby! But don't be surprised if one day she decides "hmm I think I'll cause some trouble!" They go through a phase around 4 months old where they get kind of cranky till they can start moving on their own.

I kind of "cheated" in having 4+ kids, I had my first two and then 13 years passed before I had the 3 younger ones! I do give all props to moms with larger families because 3 at once was a LOT (my husband is largely useless when it comes to household stuff though - I know some ladies have a lot more help, if you do, hug him!!)

Wishing you the very best and please let me know if I can help at all with your sway moving forward!

[onelastsway]

Just found this post and read through - all very interesting. My boys are spaced 2 and a half years apart, there is no way I would have wanted them any closer and there definitely does seem to be, in general, a very different way of thinking between blue and pink swayers. A few thoughts....if us women with boys generally get pregnant easier and more quickly, do we not feel that pressure to try right away incase it takes a long time i.e. my attitude in the past was always, 'I'll choose the month I want to conceive and it will happen that month' - I never even considered it taking a long time so i planned it exactly, even to having babies in different seasons! Do we have a more controlling attitude in the sense of an 'ideal family picture' with 'perfect' age gaps? I would say, in general, boys are definitely harder as babies/toddlers so I couldn't have coped with another any sooner. My boys fight (maybe more than girls would) so have waited longer for a third? We seem to be less in a rush to 'finish having babies and get on with our lives' - i.e. be able to do more when the kids have grown up - is that a personality factor? I always want to do things 'right' so if you said waiting was best for a sway, I would wait, regardless of anything else, because I always want to do things to the best of my ability - again, is that a boy mum personality thing? I don't know. All very interesting. The more I've been on this site and the more I think about it - despite desperately wanting a girl, it does feel 'right' for me to have boys. I'm a teacher and I was always more drawn to the boys, I like boy things, I had a great relationship with my brother - I feel 'suited' to being a boy mum and a lot of the girl mums I look at seem suited to being girl mums but maybe that's just because that's what we are. Who knows? All very fascinating though!

[lindz]

I don't believe boy babies are more difficult keeping their parents from wanting to have the second baby later than girl moms. I could see if you were talking about the toddler years, but based on the first year I don't think gender plays a factor. I've been ready both times to start trying again when my babies have been 6 months old. The first time, my husband said haha no!(babies take time away from his video games and free time). We'll wait till he's at least a year old. And now this second time I would start TTC again right now but I'm going HT after I've breastfed my son for a year. I might be willing to believe I just got lucky with a rare easy boy, but my second is just as easy if not more so. When looking at the things that would make a couple want to try for another within the first year I would think the main things are baby's a good sleeper, baby can play independently and isn't too needy, whether or not the mom's happy with how she's feeding the baby(it can be stressful to have low supply or not be able to breastfeed when you want to), how flexible and "easy" the baby is temperament wise, not have a c section(Doctors usually want you to wait longer than a year to have another after a c section) and other things like financial or career wise. All of those factors have nothing to do with gender. I thought maybe men were more willing to try again so they can get their boy, but I'm seeing that's not the case and girl moms have to try just as hard as boy moms to convince them to try again. My theory is maybe women are feeling less selfish when they are trying for a boy? Like I feel if I went for a girl it's mostly for me, even though my husband wants a girl. I know stopped asking him about having another because I didn't think it was fair to him if he wasn't ready. He was perfectly happy with his boy, and there was no pressure to give him a girl. I could see some girl moms feeling like it's ok to keep pushing the second baby issue sooner because they are also or mostly doing it so their husband can have a son, not just for their own desires. Like I know he's not ready for another one, but once I give him a boy he'll be happy we didn't wait. Again just a theory, I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who did conceive their second in the first year even though their husband put up some resistance


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[Tali.kah]

I think it's part of the excitement and also trying to have kids close in age together! DH and I are both 29 and expecting our first DD this December I'm already planning my perfect blue sway in my head and hope to start the diet this time next year and make an attempt in November and December 2019 (11,12 months post partum!)

This way we'll hopefully be 31 when our second is born- hopefully a DS and then maybe just maybe if we want a third added in the mix we're still younger than 35. I'm just such a planner lol

[GirlmomXOXO]

I am one of those women you are talking about... I had 2 girls 18 months apart and started planning my 3rd pregnancy a couple months after my DD2. I think it is because when we decided we would have one more we know this is IT. No more, last shot at a boy so I am determined to try everything for as long as I can prior to conception... and I was anxious to learn what I should be doing.

I’m trying to wait a little longer this time. I got pregnant with my second when my DD1 was 9 months old and I was still breastfeeding. My DD2 just turned one year old and I want to wait til the summer. So this age gap will be more like 2-2 and a half years apart.

I also agree that there is more “pressure” to have a boy. I adore the bond I have with my daughters and I want that for my DH. My entire family is FULL of girls so my entire family has been on me to have a boy so I think that is part of it too...

Curious to hear more about timing between pregnancies that hep sway though!!


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[Anthony]

My reason for swaying boy is my son's wish. He want someone to play with and he always pray sadly for his brother. When I ask him for what he prayed in church in front of our Lady his eyes always get wet and he can t even say a word. Everyone around us have brother and he have problems when all of them have back up in playing or conflicts on the street. He had sister to play with and since she is 2 year old they play together girly things. And he hate kids song where is sings about boy whos mum bring him brother for birthday from hospital. He runs in room when that song starts so we forward it to another song

[atomic sagebrush]

Aww sweet baby boy! I hope we can make this happen for him very soon!!!

[AboyMatey]

I grew up as an only child and was terribly lonely. I wanted a little brother or sister soooooo badly, but my mother only got pregnant one more time when I was 9, and that resulted in miscarriage. I knew I wanted my children to be close in age.

My first daughter was born in March. I wanted a baby born in the summer, so we started trying when she was 5 months old. I wasn't able to conceive while breastfeeding, but sure enough, I got pregnant the exactly one month after my daughter weaned (at almost 10 months). My second daughter was born in November (about 19 months apart).

Now, my first daughter just turned 3 one month ago, and my second daughter is 17 months. Of course, I desperately want a boy, so I've been researching and researching to figure out everything I can possibly do to make that happen. I figured the ideal time to bring a new baby into our home would be when my younger daughter was at least 2... the time to conceive is NOW!