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  1. #1
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    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    blue swayers why???

    Ladies, a question to help me understand better where you are coming from here.

    Why are so many blue swayers so insistent on TTC within a year after having a baby??

    It is something I see again and again with the people who have tons of girls, they are already TTC before the baby is even 6-9-12 months old. The interesting thing is that it has nothing to do with my recommendations, this is true even of newbies who have shown up who know nothing at all about swaying. (please understand this is NOT a "why aren't you guys doing it my way" question, it is a "why is this such a common thing with people who have girls?")

    Is it a planning thing, is it a necessity thing, is it pressure coming from other people, is it a control-freak, boy mom thing (meaning that women who are control freaks/boy moms may have a harder time giving up control and thus they prefer a longer child spacing since things are easier to control that way), is it because girl babies are easier, is it...??? Most people want babies that are at least 2 years apart and yet I am seeing blue swayer after blue swayer who is actively TTC when their baby is 4-12 months old. The majority of people I know IRL don't even TTC until their baby is 18-24 months at least and often more.

    I'm just really, really curious. Because this is one thing, just like the smoking husbands = way more girls, that is overwhelmingly going one direction to such an extent as I feel remiss in not asking about it.
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; May 30th, 2018 at 12:15 PM.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

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    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

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  3. #2
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    hi atomic i have noticed this on here too.. just thought i would answer here because even though i am a pink swayer i have always started ttc right after each of my babies have been born, the smallest age gap i have between full-term babies is 13 months, the biggest age gap is 17 months, the others sit around the 14-16 month mark. (the gaps between my 1st-2nd and 2nd-3rd babies are less but my 2nd baby was lost mid pregnancy, if she had gone full term there would have been 12 months between my 1st and 2nd babies)

    for me.. i love small age gaps!! some days are BRUTAL dont get me wrong!! but i have no regrets, even though most people think im stupid.
    i also would love to have a big family but i am conscious of my age, i realise that i am not old by any means but there is a strong history of early menopause on one side of my family (we are talking 30's here!!) which worries me and also (this is purely a personal thing and comes with no judgement towards others) i have always wanted to have my kids young, i have nothing against women having their children later in life i just personally would like to be done before my mid 30's, which means i need to crack on if i want to make my big family dream a reality

    from a more physical point of view i have been extremely lucky to have had very easy births, all quick normal deliveries at home with no tearing or major blood loss etc.. and have honestly always felt that there wasnt really any kind of recovery other than just waiting for the bleeding to stop, with my youngest i was back to walking the school run less than 24 hours after she was born because i felt fine and with 6 kids time off isnt really an option!!
    my periods have always returned within 9-11 weeks following a full term birth and are regular right from the off. i breastfeed initially but always switch to bottles within the first 10 days and all my babies have slept 6-8 hours solid through the night from between 6-8 weeks old, as a result of all that i have had no need to avoid dtd due to stitches or pain or exhaustion etc.. so there is nothing physically putting me off ttc. i hope that wasnt tmi.. i apologise if it was, i just like to answer honestly where i can..

    in response to your question i personally dont find girl babies easier.. my first live girl baby (#5) was no where near as laid back as my 4 boys, but that is just my experience in fact there is a big difference between my 2 youngest girls, the 1st one was hard work!! but my youngest (#6) who is also a girl is a dream!! i think each baby is different no matter what the gender, my 2nd boy was hard work too come to think of it!! and funnily enough despite having 4 boys im really not a control freak at all, (i really dont enjoy using opk's for girl sways!! i had never used them before swaying last time) i prefer to just let things be how they are going to be, ttc included..with the boys and my first 2 girls (#2 and #5) we just dtd unprotected and left it at that.. bfp would come along at some point

    its funny now i sit here thinking about this.. when i got pregnant with my 2nd baby we both thought we would probably be 2 and through (though i think we would have gone on to have more later but i cant say for certain..) but then we lost her and everything changed, i feel for me losing her was-and is a huge driving force behind me wanting such a big family and the small age gaps thing just sorta falls in with it all for me, i was over the moon at the 12 month age gap that #1 and #2 were supposed to have, 2 kids 1 year apart was like a dream come true for me, even if at the time it was more like.. we can be done having babies and move on super quick!!.. (oh how things change!! haha)

    i cant say whether i would still ttc so soon if i were a serious blue swayer as i know its a pink friendly tactic, and im not sure id want to hurt my chances by not waiting, but im not in that position so i probably shouldnt speculate!!

    i wonder if its linked in some way to easy pregnancies, births and post natal experiences? just a thought

    anyway.. sorry for the essay!! i just thought i would put my personal reasons out there even though im not swaying blue.. i hope it can be of some help and im really interested to see the other responses to this thread xx
    now 6blue3pink after 3 GD sways xx

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  5. #3
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    Honestly im probably just dumb. I had done the 4-5 year age gap thing 3 times. 2005, 2010, 2015...i figured maybe that was unintentionally actually swaying me pink waiting so long in between to where my body may have been 'resetting' so to speak..Then my husband wanted 2 bio babies but i really didnt want to be pregnant in my 30's..not just because of the increased risks to baby but because im only 28 and this pregnancy is SO hard on me NOW..i just cant imagine letting another 3 years even pass before even bothering to get pregnant when pregnancy itself is almost a year long. I dont know how you older mama's do it, you have so much admiration and awe from me for sure.

    This is something that, yes, is seemingly swaying more pink..and i guess i see so many women who have boys close in age that for me i figured id just be one of them and i was getting girls waiting so long and if i did it sooner i would get my boy...

    I think you'd be surprised how many women may come on here and cite the above ^^^ as their reason. I know on this site it seems to be more heavily pink, yet in real life it seems everyone who has kids close in age has a bunch of boys and those who wait a few years or more have more girls..
    Katelynn Marie (2005)
    Cyra Elizabeth (2010)
    Angela Victoria (2015)
    Alexandria Grace (2017)

    My heart is full and my family is complete, even if i never got my son.

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  7. #4
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    Anecdotally I've noticed this too Atomic.

    For myself I've always wanted my kids to be closer in age. I came from a girl heavy family and there was 5.5 years between my sister and I and we weren't close at all growing up so wanted to try and encourage some closeness through shared interests etc. Funnily enough I think I have a lot of the controlling, planning and perfectionist traits boy mums are more typically known for so I think after having my girls my mind very quickly moves onto achieving the next goal, creating that 'perfect' family. Having a little boy is just the next goal. Having said that, since the next will be #3 I can't comprehend the logistics of having 3 kids under 4 so have decided to wait to ttc our boy. On one hand I would really like to just get on with my sway but I'm going to give us at least another year to stop and enjoy the time I have with our DDs.
    DD1 (2014)
    DD2 (2016)
    Our sway is getting into NOW or NEVER territory

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  9. #5
    Big Dreamer

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    As one of those blue swayers who is swaying soon after having DD (she is 11 months now) mine is a combination of a few things.
    1. Being an only child, I did get lonely a lot. I didn't want to have kids too far apart in age that they wouldn't play together (although they may have completely different personalities and hate playing together too!)
    2. I had stage 3 endometriosis removed the month before I conceived my DD. I managed to fall straight away and everything is nice and clean in there. I've had two PPAFs but I was told by my RE while pregnant with my DD "not to wait too long between kids as the endo slowly comes back". Hence I feel being so 'fresh and clean' the chances of my fertility being higher now for a boy are better than in say 2 years time.
    3. The typical control boy-mum personality. I need a 'plan'. I've had a baby, now I want a boy, so what do I need to do mentality.

    So that's my reasons. In all honesty if I could "wait it out another year I would", I just feel my fertility will suffer (swaying pink then anyway if I even managed to fall).
    Last edited by dancingdiva88; January 14th, 2017 at 08:14 AM.
    DD Feb 2016
    DS Dec 2017 Thank you atomic and gender dreaming. My sway worked!

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  11. #6
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    for me it is the success that I had in swaying ,
    I always wanted to be a boy mom ! and after I found this forum and a successful boy sway , I can`t wait to do it again !
    also I wanted a small age gab .
    I raised my DD alone for 5 years , I regret it now for waiting so long, she`s so happy with having a brother now.
    DD in 2010
    a successful Boy sway at 2015


    Swaying for another boy

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  13. #7
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    I echo Buro: I've seen so many Irish twins, let alone just a simple age gap of 18-24 months between births, of boys that I think there might just be a blip in observations because of the moms coming here wanting boys. There's so many women with close aged boys on here wanting girls, even soon after pregnancy, too. I don't see the hard evidence anywhere yet to say that swaying close together necessarily means "girls," and even bre just got her boy after three girls and her youngest wasn't even a year, I believe? Definitely not 2 years, for sure.

    I think we're just a microcosm because we're where the moms of many girls come to get boys who really WANT boys, not that the moms of many girls always will keep getting girls if they try close together. I'm also not sure about that 18-24 months before trying again! My DD's pediatrician joked at our first appointment that she can count on one hand the mothers who aren't pregnant again by their kid's 12 month appointment, so I think the "trying again at around a year" is actually pretty common. I'd actually posit that with the rising age of FTMs, it's likely to get even more common because so many women are having their kids older that the "clock" seems to be ticking more, so there's not as much time to space them.

    Outside of those thoughts, my personal reasons are varied, but include: my husband is almost a decade older than me so we really want to be done sooner rather than later (and I'm sort of like Buro -- I wanted to be done before my 30s, but at this rate I may end up there anyway based on my losses and having to wait for thyroid stuff!). I'm a planner, and I had always dreamed "diapers and done" with my kids, so having them all close together was always part of the plan; having them all close together for their benefits and my benefits has only been emphasized with my nasty work experience post-maternity leave. If I had had a boy first, I still would have been trying at at least a year. And knowing what I need to do to get a boy makes me want one sooner rather than later, because my baseline is definitely so LE that I don't know how long I could be a "snacker and eater" even if keeping calories low, you know? I'm such a control freak, and controlling my intake is my go to... so that's still a hard one for me, for sure.

    I don't know, maybe the most basic response is, "I don't feel I will be completely happy until I get a boy; how can I wait even longer for happiness?" which is chock full of some heavy stuff, I'm sure. But I'm waiting now anyway!
    DD 2016
    x8
    DD 2019 (sway opposite )


    Dec. 2017: IVF Cycle #1 - 16 > 9 > 2 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY
    Feb. 2018: IVF Cycle #2 - 17 > 8 > 4 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XX, 2 abnormal XY
    Took a leap of faith and transferred two XYs: Chemical


    No rainbows. Just an unending storm.

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  15. #8
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    I dunno. I'm swaying blue after 10 years lol so I don't think I count here, but just to throw it out there, my DH is an irish twin, youngest of two boys. My ex was the youngest of 4 brothers and they are all pretty close in age, no more than 2 years.
    CTNC, FDNIT | Holistic Nutrition & Lifestyle Coach
    DD '07 SDS '14 Hoping for 2017


  16. #9
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    The average spacing between American babies is 2-3 years apart, 30 months to pin it down to the month, so the data is on my side regardless of what someone's pediatrician says. In the UK it's even longer at 36-41 months on average. in a study of 51 other countries the average was 32 months.

    It is NOT common to TTC when a baby is 4 months old and yet this is something I am seeing again and again amongst my blue swayers. In fact we just had several newbies show up since the start of the year who were TTC with very tiny babies. It's unusual. Not something I see IRL or among pink swayers as a general rule. Hence, my question. The purpose of my question was not "I have a theory and I am in search of data to prove it correct." The purpose of my question is, "this seems to be happening again and again and so I am curious about what the reasoning is."

    I will reiterate that I have some pretty serious, well thought out and important reasons why I think you guys should wait past 12 months to TTC if you want a boy. Yes, some people can still conceive boys close together, and I have never said otherwise. I believe it is due to maternal condition and improved fertility enabling a majority of women who are in the best condition and the most fertile to be able to get pregnant again. Many of us are not even seeing our periods return till at least 9-12-18 months, and so people who are able to ovulate and conceive sooner than this, are by default, in better condition and/or eating better than women whose cycles are not coming back that soon. We are also seeing a very, very strong trend where women who are inexplicably taking months/years to get pregnant (reduced fertility) are having girls even with otherwise great blue sways. Reduced fertility probably sways pink. Do I have a study proving this, not yet. But based on the data that I have seen, it's shaking out that way.

    Since it's probable that better condition and higher fertility sway blue, we cannot view child spacing thru the same sort of cause and effect lens that we do other sway tactics. Blue Irish Twins do NOT debunk the idea. Women who are able to ovulate and get pregnant within X number of months are NOT a randomly selected sample of the population as a whole. They may be coming in more set for blue, and if something (like close child spacing) takes a person who is 80% likely to have a boy, to 60% likely to have a boy, that is a huge pink sway but would still yield more boys. And then if a person who was coming in at 50-50 did that exact same thing, they'd possibly drop their odds from 50-50 b/g to 30% likely to have a boy.

    What we are trying to do here is OPTIMIZE odds of success. You may not personally want optimal odds of success and you may personally have the luxury of TTC many times without any real consequences of that. Other people are not so lucky and are in a position of having ONE chance at another baby. Other people are even less lucky and are in a position where they will probably have to have an abortion if they get pregnant with a girl. Sorry, straight talk here, but entirely true. We have people here from around the world including some women who are in pretty extreme situations and MUST have a boy.

    Ladies, I cannot stress it to you strongly enough, that with 9 years of experience on these two boards and 46 years of experience on the Planet Earth the majority of which has been immersed in baby-related bizness (first my mom's pregnancies and then my own), with every fiber of my being, if you want the BEST chance at a boy, you should wait between kiddos. Disregard if you would like, and I will still be happy to help you have the best sway you can, but I do not and will not ever think you are giving yourself the best chance at a boy.

    This question was not intended to be about swaying. It wasn't meant to be an opportunity for people to sound off on why I'm completely wrong on the subject and then for me to have to derail the entire thing going off on it. It was meant because when I see a trend, I want to know why that trend is happening. I NEVER forget that we are a self-selected group of people on here, but I am still pretty capable of spotting a trend when I see one, and that is a definite trend. The reason why I ask these type of questions is not to prove swaying true, it is to enable me to help you guys to have better sways. If you have sway questions or want to debate about swaying, let's do that in a DIFFERENT thread if you don't mind.

    Now, I would still love to hear from people about why they wanted to have their kids really close together. It's very helpful to me to be able to understand people's reasoning choosing particular things vs. the other. I really appreciate the effort that people put into answering these kind of largely hypothetical and personal questions.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

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  18. #10
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    atomic have you found that typically the blue sway mums on here have had all their girls close together? where as the pink swayers typically have bigger gaps between their boys?
    its funny, as a pink swayer i really do feel in the minority with my close spacing, yet the blue swayers seem to by and large be on the same page as me where that is concerned. i almost feel i belong with them abit more in a way dont get me wrong the pink swayers have been nothing but kind and supportive to me <3 its just i feel i relate to the blue swayers more in some ways.. even though im swaying in the opposite direction to them!! xx

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